Secrets

Is this a place to share secrets? What if the secrets are only secrets to most of the world, but not us or the people we call family and close friends? What if the secret is so much a part of us, that we feel like to really be us, it is ok if the whole world knows?
Do you want to know our secret?
We’ve struggled for over 2 years now with infertility. We’ve had lots of infertility tests. Some of you may disagree with us having these tests….but really that doesn’t bother me. We had to make the decision as a couple that works best for us, that was right for us, that we needed. So I stand by my decision to have these tests done. We both do.
The only solace we get from this 2 and a half year struggle is that maybe, just maybe, God will use our pain to help other couples in the same pain. Maybe this will be a part of our ministry together.
We have dreamed, cried, shouted in anger, imagined, cried some more, fought fear, and nearly drowned in deep sorrowful pain.
Will we ever get to be mommy and daddy? The conclusion that I have come to is that only God knows. That doesn’t mean this conclusion takes the pain away, it just means that some days we only have that to mask the pain, to make it a little less. You know in the bible where it says that God will give us the desires of our hearts? We can only hope and pray that it is true for this desire.
So as the days and months go on and the pain gets worse and the dream seems more distant somewhere deep inside of us we muster up some hope. We cling to Jesus. We cry. We keep on imagining.
Now you know our secret.

Why we are here on this page, writing to you (or is it simply for ourselves?)

What if the Skindlovs were to start a blog? What would it say? What would its purpose be? Those are questions I am pondering today. I have thought about starting a blog for several months now. I first imagined it would be something like a rundown of our daily happenings, especially while on internship, with some thoughts thrown in every so often. But, does anyone really want to read that? Is that the best way to “keep in touch” with friends and family both near and far? Now I imagine it to be a place where we can share our inner thoughts. Thinking about no one reading it makes it seem safe. Thinking about it actually being followed is intimidating and leaves me wondering if I will even be able to share freely within the space of the world wide internet.
Scary, invigorating, intimidating, therapy….these feelings have left me thinking why not?
So here is our first attempt at a blog….
We are a 30-something young married couple who is midway through a 4 year seminary journey. We laugh, love, play, read, talk, enjoy people….all with abandon.
We reside deep in the prairies of North Dakota. We live on a street called Main where our conversations, sleep, television and studies are often interrupted by the people who at all hours decide to “drag main” with their large and small loud-pumped up exhaust systems to make them even louder vehicles. We eat beef grown by friends, we share our lives with people of all ages, we eat lutefisk, learn history and share coffee with people.