Blessed

Ok, to be upfront, I started this post last week, on Thursday...here I am almost a week later finishing it, here goes:

My world was rocked this time last year...

My husband and I had just found out we were pregnant after a round of IVF fertility treatments...we waited over 5 years for news such as this...

And I was scared.  What if something went wrong and our happy news became sad?

Five weeks later we found out we were having twins...a few weeks after that, girls...and after a pregnancy filled with ups and downs I gave birth on November 17th, at 36 weeks, to two beautiful twin girls...

My life hasn't been the same since.

I've been in awe.  I've been stressed.

I've been reflecting on my recent life changes lately because, here goes my confession, in the weeks since I've lost sight of the blessings in my life...

Don't get me wrong, I look into their eyes every day, I bask in the joy.  But somewhere along the road of the past few months, in the throes of stress and just trying to survive, I lost sight...

But, my blessings are abundant.

I have the opportunity this week, as part of the online bible study I'm participating in, to share a blog post related to the study.  One idea for post is to list 5 things God has blessed me with, and then 5 more and 5 more...for this post, I'll keep it to 5...

1. I am blessed with peace.  I had the most peaceful day...my babies had their 4 month vaccines yesterday...today they had fevers, cried most the day and just wanted to snuggle.  And there are two of them!  Two!  And one mama!  And a Daddy who worked most of the day...but I chose peace, I chose to love the snuggles...

2. I am blessed to now know the joy of motherhood after knowing the pain of infertility.  Most days there are not even words to describe it.

3. I am blessed with a husband who supports me, loves me and our daughters and works hard for us.

4. I am blessed by family, both mine and my husbands...we are so rich with the love of family...we have brothers and sisters that I consider my best friends, there are parents, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles...so much blessing!

5. I'm blessed with near and dear to me friendships!

This has been a great exercise and a daily reminder...Our God has blessed us beyond anything I could ever imagine.  What a road we are on!  What a ride!  I am oh so thankful for His presence in our journey, His ordered steps and that above all...He writes our story!

Traveling

Last Tuesday, April 2 we traveled to Chico Hot Springs outside of Livingston, MT for a Montana Synod Pastor's Conference...

Families welcome!

We loaded up the Subaru, which seems to get smaller every time we take a trip...and off we went, the four of us!

I was so ready.  I needed a break.  I needed to get out...

We needed to be together as a family. 

Renewal, nice weather, friends, hot springs, mountains, worship, food, rest, speakers (for Joel, the girls and I didn't attend that part), laughter...

All awaited us.  And it was glorious!  I loved it. 

On Thursday night our seminary friends offered to watch the girls so we could enjoy the hot springs and they were amazing.  It looked like a pool but the water was from a natural hot springs...

We met new friends, reconnected with old friends...Hannah and Harper met a lot of people for the first time, and despite Harper not wanting to sleep in the play and pack, they both did super!

We've already booked our room for next year!

I hadn't realized just how much I needed a break from our daily routine at home, til we were in the throes of time at this conference.  What a blessing that this yearly event is part of the synod activities for pastors.  It follows lent which is such a busy time for our family.

Following the conference we trekked to Spokane to celebrate the life of Joel's sweet Grandma Dot who passed away in February.  In the midst of sadness, we had such a blessed time with family, celebrating her memory!  We were able to see friends on this trip also...

Overall it was a breath of fresh air.  It was renewing!

Burdens

The laundry is strung throughout my house.

It's in multiple piles.

The dishwasher needs unloaded only so it can be loaded again. 

The floors need cleaned. 

The mail sorted.

Piles taken care of.

Garbage taken outside.

The bathroom needs cleaned.

Clutter needs sorted and tossed.

I like a clean house.  I know we all do, right?! 

I could barely keep up before babies, and now well, I just can't.

I'm really hard on myself and Joel when the house gets messy.  It's one of those things that really gets to me.  Like really bad.  It's the only thing I really yell about...

It's an unhealthy reaction...

But in my current state, mostly, I think because we've been gone for a week, I am feeling more calm...more free...more aware...more at peace.  Maybe because of the bible study I'm doing really has me reflecting on my life and my stress and the house is my biggest stress...

I love being a mom.  I love my little sweets...I love, love, love it!  I, to be honest, dream and imagine days when they are older and we can dance and play...every single day....

I also love when my life is in order.  My life is not even close to being in order.  Ha!  Today I am practicing letting go.  In the midst of the mess, I am taking a deep breath and letting go...at least partly.  Because it's for myself, my family...

At the end of the day if the dishes didn't get done...oh well.  Ok, honestly, I cringe at that.  But there are days I am so tired...

So, I have a goal...

Learn to live stressed-less...which in one area of my life means learning to let go.  Learning to do what I can each day and to know that is enough.  Learning that if some days or even most days, the only thing I get done is taking care of my sweet girls, that is enough. 

Getting on the treadmill for just 10 minutes, is enough, if that is all I can do.  Doing one load of laundry is enough if that is all I can do.

If someone wants to do the dishes for me though, that would be great, haha!

The bible study leader said to be thankful for laundry because it means my family has something to wear...

Amen.

A rare moment

It is silent at my house right now.

Joel is asleep on the couch.  Hannah and Harper both asleep in their ca rseats...they had 4 month vaccines today, fell asleep on the car ride home, and I am not disturbing them...

The only sounds I hear are the washing machine and the keys of the key board.

It's been months.  I actually can't remember the last time this happened...

Yep, that's my world. 

Crying twin daughters...or laughing, or cooing...the tv on...

Noise.

But guess what?

I'm doing an online Bible study called Stressed-Less Living and guess what?

I am actually doing it, in the midst of the silence!

Ah...

I seriously doubted this moment would come today.  It was sort of stressing me out.  Haha!  Wow, I'm basking.  So much of my life these days happens inside the walls of this house, and so much is well, stressful.  Don't get me wrong...the gift of Hannah Grace and Harper Joy is indescribable.  Every day I look at them and I see miracles.  But some days, no every day, I need a break, just a tiny 5 minutes, or 10!  And sometimes even bigger breaks are needed...that much needed break came this past week, more on that in another post. 

I am being renewed!  I will learn some stressed-less living...I already feel lighter.

This verse really spoke to me: 2 Samuel 22:7  In my distress I called to the Lord; I called out to my God.  From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came to his ears.

Here's a great reminder, He listens.  I can cry out to him.  He is there, even when things get low, when things get hard...he is there.  He is always, say that word aloud, always, there.  How cool is that?  He can carry our burdens so we don't have too!

Oh, I hear the tiny cries of Harper...I'm off to feed and cuddle one of my sweet little girls!