Living a real surreal life

I've often blogged about how surreal Joel and I's life has been since we got married.

Moving to Minnesota, then North Dakota, then back to Minnesota before finding out we were headed to Montana...infertility and trips to Mayo and then finding Dr. Shomento, and finally getting pregnant and now we have two babies! 

My oh my.

Harper is awake now.  The two of them sleeping lasted about 15 minutes.  I will take what I can get.  During that time I poured another cup of coffee, ate breakfast and wrote one blog post!  I'm holding her now trying to figure out how to keep typing! 

I smell a diaper change.

Um, this post will have to be continued...

Actually, I will leave it up on my computer today in case I get a chance to finish it... 

I'm back (the next day actually).

Some days I feel lost in the depths of surrealness...Some days none of this feels real. Some days I despise the word surreal...

Let me explain.  Some days parenthood feels so surreal that it feels like I'm acting, it simply doesn't feel real.  And I don't like that.  When that happens I simply don't feel like a mom.  I don't feel connected to this new role we've longed for all these years.

And that makes me mad.

We often hear each other say things like, "we have twins", "there are little people in the back seat (of the car) that are ours", "we have these two little people we made"...

And on and on.

This is surreal people.  Infertility, pregnancy, and now twins, this is surreal.

Mommy and Daddy after so many years of longing...this is surreal.  

Last week another mom visited me and the girls.  Her oldest son, a first grader, is an IVF baby.  Her youngest two came along the unexpected (after infertility) natural way...3 miracles!  She brought me back to reality, she reminded me how extra special our girls are because of how they came to be...she reminded me of what miracles we have...she reminded me of our very real journey.  For as much as this feels surreal, it really is real.  Even when we don't believe it.  Even when we look at them and think, "are they really ours?"!  Side note: as we were talking it came up that her and her husband were married at Lutherhaven memorial day weekend in 1999...fun connection!

On goes our journey, written with now two miracles we call our daughters.  Wow!  It still makes us go wow!  They will be headed off to kindergarten and we will probably still be pinching each other asking ourselves, "is this really real?"!

Sleep

Daddy just left for work for the day and both Harper and Hannah are sleeping:

Isn't that beautiful?!

I've gotten into a bad habit lately...I write blog posts in my head because I don't have a chance to sit down at the computer...and then I forget them later.  It's seriously annoying to me.

Did any of you watch last night's episode of HIMYM?  I cried with Lilly at the end...not because I feel like she does, wanting to pack my bags and leave during the night because I don't always like being a mother, but because she just wants to do art.  I just want to write.  It's one of the things I miss the most...

I love my new full time job.  I love it.  It is not always easy.  It is the hardest thing I have ever done.  Some days I celebrate just surviving.  Some days I cry because I'm so tired.  Some days I have no idea how the three of us will make it through the day without an extra set of adult hands to help mommy out...

And every day I wonder how I am supposed to go back to work next week.  Hmmm...

Life is such a new kind of adventure.  It's so...hard, fun, frustrating, adorable...

Here's to hoping they sleep for maybe another hour, now that would be an unexpected start to our day without daddy!