What's next

I've had a lot on my mind lately.

I've went from, having twins is easy, to this is so hard, to back to this is easy and loving how well they play together...but yes, they do fight, haha!

I think the piles of laundry and dishes, and gross floors, are getting to me.

But...

Ok, last week I called Dr. Shomento's office.  She's our IVF doctor.  It took me a couple weeks to work up the courage...

We've been thinking about our frozen embryos.  We've been thinking about infertility.  We've been thinking about our family and what that looks like.

So, we took the plunge and have a phone meeting with Dr. Shomento at 4pm on Monday February 3 to talk about doing a FET, frozen embryo transfer.

I went from being excited to be scared to being, well, sort of numb.

I think our family includes babies or a baby from those embryos...

But I don't know.

Infertility is back...it's always been there...it never really goes away...it still scares me...confuses me...

I know we have our miracles.

I know we could be content with that...

But we have our frozen embryos...we get to try with them!  But after that...

To be honest, and yes I am working through this, I'm pretty darn scared that the FET won't work.  I ask myself, why would it?   IVF doesn't always work  like it did for us, why would it work for us a second time?  I know, I know...

It's just, sometimes the reality that we can't add to our family the natural way, still hurts.

But we're working on  mustering up some hope...we have no idea when we will actually do the FET, it could be months and months from now...

And in case you're wondering...cuz we've already been asked a few times...one or two, twins or single...we have no idea...stay tuned.