One year ago!

One year ago today...

There we sat.  Joel, myself and Dr. Shomento. 

She was holding a sheet of paper that was filled with pictures of our sweet little embryos...

Wee little specks. 

A decision before us.  Transfer one or two.

One or two.  Hannah or Harper or both?

We chose both!  Two!  I remember Dr. Shomento was nervous about us having twins in Big Sandy.  But I also remember she was in full support of two!

You see, all along our journey, through the tears, the pain, the hurts, the lack of hope, I always imagined two. 

Twins. 

Why not?  We waited so long...

My arms went from empty to extra full in one giant leap of hope...one scary giant leap...one grace filled leap.  

We did it!  We transfered two!  Now my days are filled with two feisty, sweet, adorable miracles...

Living proof...miracles are happening!  Miracles abound...I change their diapers and feed them every day.  

A simple cup of coffee

Today my day is about a simple cup of coffee...

Well, let's be real...it's really about two babies...

And let's be real again...my every day is also about coffee!

Today, I'm trying to find the perfect morning cup...

I wish I were sitting on the deck in warmth and sunshine...I wish my cup was full of milk, peppermint mocha coffee creamer (which they now sell year round), and coffee...

That was my perfect cup yesterday...well, minus the deck scenario.  

But, I'm wondering if I need to give up the creamer...I'm wondering if it makes Harper spit up when nursing.

Nursing is hard.  But cleaning bottles is harder.  There are days, today being one of them, that I almost give up nursing...maybe both babies could just have a bottle.  Then I remember how hard it is to keep bottles clean.  And I ask myself, how would that make me feel?  Ok, sad.

But I'm in the throes of trying to figure out why all of a sudden Harper spits up more.  Is it something I'm eating?  Is it dairy?  It's emotionally draining...this is hard enough but now I have to give up the way I like my coffee?  What?!

Ugh!

So, today, I start my day trying to come up with the new perfect cup of coffee...good bye creamer, at least for now.  Even if this frustrates me, mucho...but I'll do it, or at least try...hello coffee with sugar, lots of sugar...

I made blueberry muffins to make the coffee search even more sweet!  I guess, because I like to celebrate things, I will celebrate finding a new sweet taste...

Because as long as we're being real...there is no way I can give up my morning coffee!  I'll just change how it tastes, for now.