Tears

I wrote this entry on July 10 but am just now posting it...I didn't have wireless internet at the time...
July 10, 2011
Tears, tears, tears…it feels hopeless. I think about why we started this blog and how here we are 3 and a half years into this journey and we still have a dream that seems impossible. We still blame God. We still don’t get his timing. We still have empty arms. It sucks, sucks, sucks. And we don’t understand it. Just when we start to have a little hope we are crushed again, ugh, ugh, ugh. Why, why, why? We both told the other today we were bummed about life. “Which part of life” I asked Joel…”the baby part” he said, “me too” I said. I guess it’s good to cry about it. It’s good to be sad and mad and scared and hopeful and hopeless…because it’s what we are and that is all we can offer before the feet of our Jesus...wholly ourselves. It’s the silent pain we share, with you here and with each other. You will see our tears from time to time and hear us voice our pain but it’s so much a silent pain we carry. It is such a HUGE part of our lives. But it is so quiet. We are meant to rejoice when good news is shared, while on the inside, and sometimes even the outside, the tears are falling. It’s rough but it’s our life.