In a shell....

We haven't been here for a few weeks but we've been busy and on vacation. It occurred to us that this blog is still a secret. We haven't told anyone how to access it. This blog is also our inner most thoughts and feelings....it's like a journal, even a secret one. That is kind of freeing. I'm not sure how it will change once someone starts reading it. But here we are. Yesterday we talked about what is the next step for us on this journey to parenthood? Maybe we do nothing but grieve, maybe we talk to more doctors, maybe we research new agencies (although the one in Oregon still has our application fee that we can use), maybe we try to learn a little more about how to give it all to God. A friend of ours has a friend we can talk to in the Twin Cities, this friend is a doctor and just might have some advice for us. We're sure we can find another agency to work with, another program to look into, more countries to consider. Is it ok that sometimes we're just in pain over this whole thing? Sometimes we feel like we're in a shell...people who haven't been through infertility (and adoption hang ups) don't understand the pain and they seem scared to ask us about it. They probably don't want to know about it, they probably care but they probably can't figure out what to say. I probably wouldn't know what to say. But I think saying something is what we need...are we ok? You know what, we're not sure, but we can talk about it, at least sometimes and if we can't when you ask we'll tell you that. It's like walking through grief and it's very lonely. We have each other and we have God and sometimes we need a little more, sometimes we need you.