a little shot of drama...

Well, last time on day 9 when we had to give me a shot all went well. It was our first time and it was as smooth as something like that can go! This time...not so much. The problem with the day 9 shot is it comes in a little package with two needles and has to be mixed up. This is probably not complicated for medical personnel, but it is for us. This time it was especially complicated. We broke the syringe. STRESS! Wait, we're not supposed to be stressed through this whole thing! STRESS! It was an intense 15 minutes at our apartment this morning, 15 minutes after we realized it was broken, that doesn't even count the 10 where we were trying to mix it up. This is not fun! The shot that comes later comes all mixed up and ready to go. We just have to inject that one. At the end of that intense 15 minutes I called Mayo. Mayo to the rescue...almost! The lady I talked to gave my message to the nurse who would call me back (this is standard procedure for them). I waited, waited, Joel left for class, I waited, and I looked at our sheet of paper which said I was supposed to take two shots today...what? I hadn't seen this before and the prescription was only for one. Then the nurse called. Mayo to the RESCUE!! She was so so so kind to me. She listened and she wrote up a new prescription right away that is being faxed as I write! Praise Jesus for the kindness of the Mayo Clinic Infertility staff of Charlton Desk 3A!!! Then she looked my file up and said I only take one shot, phew, that crisis is averted! In a few minutes we'll head to the pharmacy and try this again. Please God let it go smoothly this time! Please God help us, calm us, flood us with peace.

Another kind of waiting

So, when the waiting for test day came and went we were left with another kind of waiting. First call assignment process waiting. For probably the only time in our lives we will be a part of a draft starting in 3 days. We've been waiting 4 years for this draft. It's sort of like a sports draft, which is why we call it a draft. And we're not the only ones who call it that...a former Bishop admitted in the Luther Student Newspaper that even they call it a draft. We might not ever be in the NBA, NFL or NHL draft...ok we never ever will be...but we do get to be in this draft. Lots of classes completed successfully, internship a grand success, entrance, endorsement, approval, candidacy committee, Luther Faculty...it's all finished, it all comes down to next Tuesday and Wednesday!

So, here is the conclusion of the assignment process, or at least our next few days with the assignment process:
Monday February 21: 9:10pm students in the draft meet in the Chapel of the Cross on campus and pray hard for assignment
*also the 2 Luther reps head to Chicago, part of our prayers will be that everyone traveling there can make it safely, the weather is supposed to get bad Sunday night into Monday! Chicago is a terrible place to try to go to with a winter storm happening! But God can do this!

Tuesday February 22: The Bishops and seminary representatives meet. The reps are there for us, like our agents. The Bishops have over a hundred students to pray about, talk about and assign!

Wednesday February 23: the draft in Chicago continues. One of the Luther reps flies home early to be with us by 6pm that night, with the envelopes!
*At 4pm Joel goes to help set-up the Senior Night Party he has been planning!
*At 5pm we all gather in the Northwestern Atrium for Shenanigans and dinner (From Pizza Luce...Joel and our friend Lindsay are the food committee)! And dessert...homemade Cake Pops!
*At 6 pm Erica, the Associate Dean of Students (and one of the Luther reps at the draft) arrives with the envelopes!!! Joy, laughter, tears, anger...
*Then worship!

Our envelope will contain both a Region # and a date that the Bishops from our region meet to decide on the synods.

Round 1 of the draft is about to begin! We are so excited! We are elated!! There is nervousness floating around campus...eeeekkk!

And for now Joel and I are choosing to set aside any drama we've dealt with in this process. We are choosing in these finals days before and during the draft to continue to seek God, to lay it at the foot of the cross, to ask him to bless us and to rise above everything and place us right down where are meant to be....even if that is Hawaii!:)

Sad and mad

I decided I needed to record what we've been through this past week. No one or nothing can prepare you for a failed fertility treatment. We always thought we would be one of the couples that didn't have to deal with that pain. We were wrong. We took a pregnancy test last Tuesday, 14 days after the procedure, the day that Mayo told us to take it. We waited for 14 very very long days. And then we were sad and mad and numb. We could not have even imagined what it would be like. We still haven't cried. We've been mad. Very mad. These last few days we have been mad and numb and sad only when we really dwell on it. There has been a tear or two, but no crying. We think that will come. We know it will, hopefully soon. We have to deal completely with this "no" so we can focus on a next potential "yes". We won't have as much hope this time though and we won't dream and imagine like we did last time. We felt so close, we felt surreal, we felt excited. With a failed procedure we are forced to let all of those go...again. It's a bummer that you can get a yes or a no in every month...that's 12 times a year. That's a lot of heartache and hopelessness. We'll get there this time, we'll find the hope, it just might take longer.

Waiting

We find ourselves waiting a lot these days. Less than a week ago was procedure day! In two weeks we take a test to see if the procedure worked. That's 14 days of waiting. 14 long days! On our calendar we have a big "test day" written and circled. These days of waiting are filled with joy, hope, fear, nervousness and anxiety...oh and some relaxation. Test day is scary. We want so bad for it to bring joy and hope and all those other emotions that would go along with finally having news that we have dreamed of. Yesterday afternoon we were washed in a deep layer of fear. Today we're ignoring it all! The day before that we were filled with hope. These emotions don't just come and go by the day, but sometimes by the hour, minute, second. We really do try to stay focused on the positive. And we pray a lot, more like beg God a lot. We know that we are in need of his grace that is so deep beyond a depth we could ever know. Mayo already has a plan for if the procedure worked or if it doesn't. I like that about them. What I don't like it thinking about it not working...because we've never wanted anything more.

There is another thing we are waiting for...first call regional assignment comes in less than 3 weeks...February 23. This waiting is filled with a drama we didn't see coming. I won't go into a lot of detail here but in what should be filled with happiness, anxiousness, and excitement is instead bathed in a layer of anger and fear. We beg God here also...please God, any region but region...I won't fill in the blank. I don't want to offend anyone. But the drama makes me really mad. Don't worry, we know we have to deal with it between the time span of now and assignment night! We have even started dealing with it by seeking the wise counsel of the associate dean of students on campus and the head of the contextual leadership office...we will even probably talk to a counselor they recommended. Why? Because there is one tiny part of the globe that we've been getting emails from regarding an opening, that we do not want to go to. We should not be getting these emails...they are against the rules, and they make us mad! We beg God, please don't send us there. And we beg him even louder to give us peace. To send us where he wants us, and to get our hearts ready to embrace where that might be!