Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Christmas

This time of year is always extra hard. I can always imagine having babies at Christmas. I always think a lot about Mary and her journey so long ago.

And then I wonder, why won't he choose me to carry his son or daughter? Why not me?

It makes me so sad and tear filled.

I'm anxious to get IVF started. But I'm terrified. It's the only procedure we have left to help us. And we don't know if it will work. We can pray that it will, but we still don't know.

One of the things that scares me the most is that IVF is so hope filled that I can imagine. For the first time in a long time I can imagine. On days like today, the sadness sort of overtakes the hope. But I want it so bad. It hurts. We want this to work so bad.

We're weary but ready.

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