I'm stuffing envelopes with the Christmas letter I wrote for 2011. It's really full of words.
But the one thing missing from the letter is our journey through Mayo Clinic and then the Billings Clinic. It seems really weird to write our joy filled letter and leave out such a major part of our year.
But, I didn't know how to add it in. I didn't know if it was even appropriate. I've never read a Christmas letter filled with the pain of infertility.
Our last 4 years of letters could have had some version of this pain. We could have started documenting then. But it's weird. It's a silent thing, not to be shared in an annual update.
It's silent yet, and this is a secret dream, maybe I'll be on the Today Show someday with the book I'm gonna write about our journey.
So, a letter is coming to a mailbox near you...most of you lived a lot of it with us. Including the parts not spoken. For that, we are thankful.
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I love when Christmas letters have pain in them. It's such a real part of life. When we edit out the pain, we miss an opportunity to minister to others -- and life appears too perfect. What would happen if we described the loved one who is in jail . . . or walking the streets homeless and addicted . . . or days of depression or anxiety . . . or a journey of infertility. It may give us an opportunity to see the human-ness in each other; to pray; to comfort and care for; to have a shoulder to lean on; to see ourselves and our situation in the Christmas letter of someone else -- a partner on the sometimes sad and hard journeys of life.
ReplyDeleteTell your story, Melissa! Shout it from the mountains! Don't wait to write your book -- don't wait for the ending. Share your story now. Tell the ladies selling baby bundles at the Christmas Bazaar: "We're buying this because we're hopeful. Please be hopeful for us. Please pray for us." Tell your congregation. Preach it! Sing it! Have your congregations -- both of them -- pray for you every week. Out loud. Let them enfold you. Let them know who you are and what you're going through. Tell your preschool parents when they ask if you have children.
This isn't something to be ashamed of -- it isn't something you have to hide. It doesn't have to be a secret. Your difficult journey is a part of who you are -- so let yourself be all the way you -- and let those around you know who you are. All of you. Who knows what miracles are around the corner. Miracles that include babies, yes. But also miracles that happen from you sharing your story and sharing your life.
Thanks Elizabeth...so inspiring. I've been thinking about this for a few days now...it's been rolling around. So, I appreciate your encouragement! A Christmas letter went in the mail to you guys today...minus the Mayo journey:) But I'm gonna start telling our story...I was even thinking the other day about making the blog not so private! So many people have this same pain, and if it's not told, it can't be shared. People we know even, people we don't know. And you're right, if we want this to be part of our ministry, yet it isn't shared, how can those miracles be? I love it! Thanks sweet sister (& future aunt of our future miracles...love you).
ReplyDeleteUm...I actually just wrote an addition to the letter...it's coming your way...and I am going to email it to the few people whom I mailed letters to today!
ReplyDeleteThank you Elizabeth for encouragement to share! It is a very hard road to walk, run, or even barely crawl at times(as tears fill my eyes even now)! Melissa and Joel you know we share a similar journey, with similar hopes, dreams, fears, anger, moments of gut wrenching silence, and it is so wonderful to read your blog and see you heart poured out.
ReplyDeleteI haven't written on my blog in almost 2 years because I fear putting my feelings down on any paper or blog. I fear my sorrow, fear, anger, even hope will swallow me whole if I feel them or express them.
So thank you from the bottom of my "mommy in waiting" heart, Thank you for your words and feelings in the blog. It gives me encouragement to emabrace all that infertility brings with it. For today I hold back my tears, and pray that soon I will open my heart to feeling.
I hold out hope and prayers, for you and Joel, for James and I, and for so many others that face this scary journey.
Looking forward to seeing you both soon.
Erin