Kindergarten

When Harper and Hannah were babies, teeny tiny babies, I was in a fog.  But I remember sitting in the living room holding both of them and thinking kindergarten was so far away.  It was really hard for me to imagine them growing that big.  I also remember the days I would long to blog, write posts in my mind during feedings, then get frustrated when I wouldn't be able to put them on paper, or rather the computer.  I'd think, there is no way I can wait 5 whole years to blog again, to give up that passion.  I will have my act together and I will be able to write.  I will be super mom and I will write.

But you know what?  One day I surrendered.  I told myself that I had to give it up, instead of fighting with my internal self to get it done, fail, try harder, fail...the day would come when I would have more time.

We are now on our 10th day of kindergarten.  And it seems like the next 13 years of school will be a moountain so high to climb that we will struggle hard to get there.  But I know from the past 5 years that these next few years will fly by.  Hold me somebody.

When the girls were little I thought something was wrong with me because I was told time and time again to hold them tight because they would grow way too fast...but I loved every new milestone.  I loved the first giggles, roll overs, steps, words, teeth, I loved it all.  And I loved their first birthday, their second, their third and wanted time to slow down when we came upon their fourth...

When their fifth got here I knew I was in such deep denial.  And kindergarten came next...excuse me while I freak out...I love, love, love watching them grow in to little humans and at the same time I long to hold those tiny babies one more time, just like every one told me I would.  How can they be 5?  How can they be ready for the big bad world without me?  How can I protect them?  How do I parent elementary school kids?  How do I know I didn't just fail the past 5, almost 6 years?  How do I know if they are ready?  Ugh, I want to hold those teeny tiny babies one more time.  My big brave kindergartners.  My littlest biggest loves. 

My oldest nieces have learned and are learning how to drive...how did that happen?  Time slow down.