Talking with our doctor about a FET

First of all, for those of you who don't know, FET stands for Frozen Embryo Transfer.

Our doctor is Dr. Shomento.  I blogged a lot about her in 2012 when we were doing IVF....we love her!

A little over a week ago she called us, because we live 5 hours away, for a consultation about doing a FET sometime this year.  We have 3 frozen embryos in Florida (where their storage facility is).

I was pretty nervous about the phone call.  I had no idea what to expect.  Let's be honest, it doesn't matter what kind of medical appointment it is, I get nervous.  I like to know what's coming and for this especially I just wasn't sure...But Dr. Shomento is amazing at explaining things. 

Here's the low down...

For a FET there is no waiting list.  We can pick the month, within the months she is going IVF (she doesn't do it every month).  Our options are April, June, September or November.  She gave us the exact dates of transfer for each month, give or take a day or two...so that's pretty cool!

All 3 embryos will be shipped to Billings.  Two of them will be unfrozen and the quality checked...if both of them look good enough for transfer then those two will be transferred.

Wait...what?

Two?

Again?

Yep!  The decision isn't up to us.  With FET the success rate is only 30%.  So two are transferred to increase the odds of one growing.

With the first two that are unfrozen and looked at, if one doesn't make it for transfer then the third one will be unfrozen, if it looks ok then it will be transferred with the other one and we will be left with no frozen embryos...

If the first two can be transferred then the third one will remain frozen and be shipped back to Florida for a possible next try (unless, if on that next try, it is unfrozen and hasn't made it through the freezing process, then there will be no more tries).

The unfreezing process happens on the day of transfer.  So, we'll get all prepped and then wait.

But no hormone shots before transfer!  At least not at the start.  I will take pill hormones and have two ultra sounds...one before it all starts and one right in the middle of the process.  There are a couple of other things before we start like getting my thyroid checked but we've already done that test last month. 

We're going to wait for September to do a transfer.  I'm calling the nurse today to get us on the calendar!  June is out because we have VBS during the potential transfer dates, April is really soon...so September just sounds like a good month to give it a try.  It seems like forever away to me.  But it also seems nice to have time to prepare for it, rather than be rushed.  There's a part of me that is sure we'll be one of the 30%, and another part of me that is scared to hope. 

This is it...no more IVF chances (because of insurance) for us in the future...our frozen embryos are our last shot at adding to our family in this way...here we go again!

Falling apart

Last week we just about feel apart, almost...ok, we pretty much did...

The girls were really sick...fevers, cough, runny nose, stomach grossness...

Harper landed in Urgent Care on Super Bowl Sunday because her fever was so high.  But after a quick examination and a "it might be the flu but there is no need to test for it", we were sent home...for 6 more long days of sickness.

Wow, I thought our house was messy before, then this hit and Joel had to go to work and, well, I was stuck in the recliner with two babies...

It was a cereal for dinner every night week.  It was a all the dishes in the house are dirty week.  It was a there are no more clean towels or baby pajamas or just about everything else, week. 

And in the middle of it, we talked to our doctor about adding to our family!  The day after that, in the depths of baby sickness, we may of had moments where we thought trying to add to our family sounded outrageous!

But, here we are...Hannah giggles abound, Harper laughter fills the day, toys are once again singing...and even in the midst of the meltdowns, both by mommy and the babies, we wouldn't haven it any other way...we sure would like winter to get the heck out of here though so we can go outside again! 

What's next

I've had a lot on my mind lately.

I've went from, having twins is easy, to this is so hard, to back to this is easy and loving how well they play together...but yes, they do fight, haha!

I think the piles of laundry and dishes, and gross floors, are getting to me.

But...

Ok, last week I called Dr. Shomento's office.  She's our IVF doctor.  It took me a couple weeks to work up the courage...

We've been thinking about our frozen embryos.  We've been thinking about infertility.  We've been thinking about our family and what that looks like.

So, we took the plunge and have a phone meeting with Dr. Shomento at 4pm on Monday February 3 to talk about doing a FET, frozen embryo transfer.

I went from being excited to be scared to being, well, sort of numb.

I think our family includes babies or a baby from those embryos...

But I don't know.

Infertility is back...it's always been there...it never really goes away...it still scares me...confuses me...

I know we have our miracles.

I know we could be content with that...

But we have our frozen embryos...we get to try with them!  But after that...

To be honest, and yes I am working through this, I'm pretty darn scared that the FET won't work.  I ask myself, why would it?   IVF doesn't always work  like it did for us, why would it work for us a second time?  I know, I know...

It's just, sometimes the reality that we can't add to our family the natural way, still hurts.

But we're working on  mustering up some hope...we have no idea when we will actually do the FET, it could be months and months from now...

And in case you're wondering...cuz we've already been asked a few times...one or two, twins or single...we have no idea...stay tuned.

Hello!

It's been a long time since I wrote...

To be honest, I haven't wanted to write.  I've been scared.

You see, I could share my heart as we struggled on the journey to parenthood...I knew that pain so well.  But what I was scared to admit is how hard being a parent is...

Hannah and Harper are a year old now!

Whew!

Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done. 

There, I said it.  I admitted it.  And now I feel, well, like crying...

It's so hard.  And I don't feel like I should say that because so many people, so many friends, are still waiting for their miracles...not a day goes by that I don't think about them and pray for them.

And I love being a mom!  I love it.  But it's hard! 

It's wonderful too.  It's so challenging.  It's so exciting and awe filled...

They turned one, we all survived!  We celebrated with two pink whale themed parties! 

We're on to Christmas which I have no idea how to do with two one year olds in the house...that would be the little sweeties that stand at the base of the Christmas tree screaming because they want the 10 ornaments that we've manged to find and hang up high...the soft lower ornaments are now strewn throughout the house!  The other ornaments are nestled somewhere in a box, ha!  I still have no idea if we'll get around to finding and hanging those...

But hey, the stockings are up!  And the house is a disaster and the laundry is piled up and the babies are sleeping!  Which is why I'm writing.  Instead of cleaning...

Well, I spoke too soon, I hear Hannah!  Better go for now!

8 months!

We made it to 8 months! 

Harper and Hannah are 8 months old and the parents are surviving!

It was questionable at times, ha!  Sleep deprived times that is...

Wow...

We've been tired.  We've been so tired.  We've cried and laughed.  We've been freaked out and filled with joy.  We've been scared and confused...

We've be in awe at milestones and two little personalities that are so different...

This is hard.  This is wonderful.

I'm still nursing Haper, Hannah still loves her bottle.  I still wonder how it happened that only one nurses...then I remember we had no choice in switching Hannah to the bottle.

We have one tooth in and all the other ones to go...we have one who likes baby food one who hates it.  We have one who will eat things like pieces of banana and avacado and one who won't...

We have piles of laundry that never really seem to make it back into the drawers before being washed and worn again...we have the task of trying not to be too hard on ourselves about this never ending, um...problem!

We question if we're doing things right or wrong.  We wonder what type of parents we will be.  We wonder if we're messing them up because we're just too darn tired to add another non-milk feeding...we wonder if we're doing something wrong because Harper still gets up at night.  We rejoice because Hannah sleeps all night!


We marvel at getting to know them.  We laugh when they fight over a toy, we chuckle with they play together, our hearts melt when they laugh with each other...

We have a feisty one and a content one.  

We have one in physical therapy and one who goes with her sister to physical therapy and is so good as she looks on.

We have a mama who is trying to teach them how to crawl all the while wondering if that is something taught or they just figure it out...I'm also trying to teach them to say "mama"!

We've recently learned that Hannah loves it when Daddy beat boxes and if he throws a rap it it's even better...

Her laughter, and Harper's too, fills our hearts with joy, what a gift!

Just last week we learned that they don't really like eating in camp dining halls...being in the dining hall was fine, trying to eat...not so much.   

We know we have one baby who doesn't mind traveling and new places and we have one who takes days to adjust to new places. 

We try not to dwell on the moments we missed with a camera and be content with just living the moments...

We wonder what the next few months will be like, we wonder how to wean babies from both nursing and the bottle... 

We wonder as we wander through this journey of parenthood!  The ups, the downs.  The ins, the outs.  What a ride!

I'm already planning their first birthday party, yep!

Round 2 of Helmet therapy...

July 2nd Hannah outgrew her helmet.  The helmet guys said she was looking really good...

Improved greatly but not completely...

So, here we go again.  Her head specialist was out of town that week, we were out of town the week after that (at camp!) so we had to wait til the 15th to find out if she needed another helmet or not.

Going in to the appointment Joel and I were pretty sure she would need one...

What a decision to make...the helmet guys told us it would be up to us as her parents and the doctor.

Um, do we leave her head the shape it is and in a few years have her hate us for it or do we pay for another round of treatment...?

Well, in the end it really wasn't up to us...the doctor said if it was ok with us he would like to continue treatment.  He said at 8 months old we still have time to help her more...

Then, get this...he said that Harper also has slight bossing on her left side...Hannah's is on her right side.  He said Harper's isn't a problem and doesn't need treated but he said both of these problems are because of how they grew inside of me.

Wednesday the 24th she gets fitted for her new helmet...goodbye purple butterflies (the design on the outside of the last one), hello sweet hearts...

The dreaded thing is that now we have to get her used to it all over again....

Time for me to get lots of helmet free snuggles in before next Wednesday...

Here we go again.

Ramblings

I have so many thoughts running through my head...

Do I blog about how we are doing?

Do I blog about babies?

Do I blog about infertility brain?

Do I blog about baby schedules, or lack thereof?  

Do I blog about...well, I did it again...

Yesterday while driving the girls and I to Havre for a barbecue I wrote a blog post in my head.  And now?  Well, I've completely forgotten it!  Ha!

I've felt overwhelmed lately...like really overwhelmed.  I don't have time to clean my house and take care of my sweet twinsies at the same time!  I should post pictures of what our living room looked like yesterday, but I won't!  Let's just say hurricane baby happened, in a major way!!

The past week has been the perfect storm of traveling home from Alaska, adjusting back to Montana time (2 hour difference), and 6 month vaccines...

Oh and I haven't even told you about the 6 month vaccines...Harper was accidentally given a double dose of one of them...my heart stopped when they told me this happened.  I walked in shock for the next two hours...but we were assured she would be just fine...

But still, for the past week we've been dealing with mild vaccine reaction...a Harper who isn't sleeping well, fevers, fussiness...

And a mommy who feels like a complete failure because my babies are not on a set nap schedule...nope.  And I'm probably crazy because they aren't.  But you know what?  I have no clue how to establish that!  Currently they are both napping at the same time...hooray!  Hooray!

They both take morning and afternoon naps (just sometimes at different times), they both go to bed at pretty much the same time...but I live by knowing when they need a nap, I can always tell, and giving them one at that time rather than a set time.  I tell myself that eventually, by the time they are 1, they will be taking naps at the same time, ha!

But for now, we are surviving!  They turned 7 months old on Monday and we are surviving!  All four of us!  And both sleeping right now! 

That's enough for today.

Tomorrow will bring, well, heck, it could bring all sorts of things...spit up and baby food and tears (by both mommy and babies) and snuggles and giggles, and maybe even crawling...who knows!

And on Friday Grandma and Grandpa Skindlov arrive for a few days of rescue and help and baby snuggles!