One year ago today...
There we sat. Joel, myself and Dr. Shomento.
She was holding a sheet of paper that was filled with pictures of our sweet little embryos...
Wee little specks.
A decision before us. Transfer one or two.
One or two. Hannah or Harper or both?
We chose both! Two! I remember Dr. Shomento was nervous about us having twins in Big Sandy. But I also remember she was in full support of two!
You see, all along our journey, through the tears, the pain, the hurts, the lack of hope, I always imagined two.
Twins.
Why not? We waited so long...
My arms went from empty to extra full in one giant leap of hope...one scary giant leap...one grace filled leap.
We did it! We transfered two! Now my days are filled with two feisty, sweet, adorable miracles...
Living proof...miracles are happening! Miracles abound...I change their diapers and feed them every day.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
A simple cup of coffee
Today my day is about a simple cup of coffee...
Well, let's be real...it's really about two babies...
And let's be real again...my every day is also about coffee!
Today, I'm trying to find the perfect morning cup...
I wish I were sitting on the deck in warmth and sunshine...I wish my cup was full of milk, peppermint mocha coffee creamer (which they now sell year round), and coffee...
That was my perfect cup yesterday...well, minus the deck scenario.
But, I'm wondering if I need to give up the creamer...I'm wondering if it makes Harper spit up when nursing.
Nursing is hard. But cleaning bottles is harder. There are days, today being one of them, that I almost give up nursing...maybe both babies could just have a bottle. Then I remember how hard it is to keep bottles clean. And I ask myself, how would that make me feel? Ok, sad.
But I'm in the throes of trying to figure out why all of a sudden Harper spits up more. Is it something I'm eating? Is it dairy? It's emotionally draining...this is hard enough but now I have to give up the way I like my coffee? What?!
Ugh!
So, today, I start my day trying to come up with the new perfect cup of coffee...good bye creamer, at least for now. Even if this frustrates me, mucho...but I'll do it, or at least try...hello coffee with sugar, lots of sugar...
I made blueberry muffins to make the coffee search even more sweet! I guess, because I like to celebrate things, I will celebrate finding a new sweet taste...
Because as long as we're being real...there is no way I can give up my morning coffee! I'll just change how it tastes, for now.
Well, let's be real...it's really about two babies...
And let's be real again...my every day is also about coffee!
Today, I'm trying to find the perfect morning cup...
I wish I were sitting on the deck in warmth and sunshine...I wish my cup was full of milk, peppermint mocha coffee creamer (which they now sell year round), and coffee...
That was my perfect cup yesterday...well, minus the deck scenario.
But, I'm wondering if I need to give up the creamer...I'm wondering if it makes Harper spit up when nursing.
Nursing is hard. But cleaning bottles is harder. There are days, today being one of them, that I almost give up nursing...maybe both babies could just have a bottle. Then I remember how hard it is to keep bottles clean. And I ask myself, how would that make me feel? Ok, sad.
But I'm in the throes of trying to figure out why all of a sudden Harper spits up more. Is it something I'm eating? Is it dairy? It's emotionally draining...this is hard enough but now I have to give up the way I like my coffee? What?!
Ugh!
So, today, I start my day trying to come up with the new perfect cup of coffee...good bye creamer, at least for now. Even if this frustrates me, mucho...but I'll do it, or at least try...hello coffee with sugar, lots of sugar...
I made blueberry muffins to make the coffee search even more sweet! I guess, because I like to celebrate things, I will celebrate finding a new sweet taste...
Because as long as we're being real...there is no way I can give up my morning coffee! I'll just change how it tastes, for now.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Ramblings
It's been a while.
I've been awake since 7am. The girls have been sleeping. It finally occurred to me, I should be blogging!
I should tell you about our sweet Hannah...she has to go see a head specialist...she might have to wear a helmet. Her doctor is pretty sure she will have to wear one. Her parents are too. They have a name for what is wrong with her, I can't remember the name. But her head isn't forming correctly. I'm just so thankful they can help her...
We have new acid reflux medicine for her...will our sweet girl ever get over this intense spitting up? At least she doesn't seem to be in discomfort over it.
Harper continues to grow and be our smiley intense gazed thinker!
They do both bring us so much joy. I mean my heart melts when they smile at me. And they both smile a lot!
In other news...
I haven't even had the chance to tell you I no longer have a job. Long story.
Yesterday our car broke down in Great Falls. Talk about stress. We managed to coast it to the car repair shop. But then what? Thankfully the high school basketball tournament is this week in Great falls...we called a guy from Big Sandy who picked us up, took the girls and I to him and his families hotel room, took Joel to watch basketball and a couple of hours later another family and Joel picked the girls and I up at the hotel and took us home...we were home by 8:30...
Long day. Scary day. Stressful day. But so thankful we were rescued. And for the most part the girls were champs through it all!
Coffee is calling.
I've been awake since 7am. The girls have been sleeping. It finally occurred to me, I should be blogging!
I should tell you about our sweet Hannah...she has to go see a head specialist...she might have to wear a helmet. Her doctor is pretty sure she will have to wear one. Her parents are too. They have a name for what is wrong with her, I can't remember the name. But her head isn't forming correctly. I'm just so thankful they can help her...
We have new acid reflux medicine for her...will our sweet girl ever get over this intense spitting up? At least she doesn't seem to be in discomfort over it.
Harper continues to grow and be our smiley intense gazed thinker!
They do both bring us so much joy. I mean my heart melts when they smile at me. And they both smile a lot!
In other news...
I haven't even had the chance to tell you I no longer have a job. Long story.
Yesterday our car broke down in Great Falls. Talk about stress. We managed to coast it to the car repair shop. But then what? Thankfully the high school basketball tournament is this week in Great falls...we called a guy from Big Sandy who picked us up, took the girls and I to him and his families hotel room, took Joel to watch basketball and a couple of hours later another family and Joel picked the girls and I up at the hotel and took us home...we were home by 8:30...
Long day. Scary day. Stressful day. But so thankful we were rescued. And for the most part the girls were champs through it all!
Coffee is calling.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Living a real surreal life
I've often blogged about how surreal Joel and I's life has been since we got married.
Moving to Minnesota, then North Dakota, then back to Minnesota before finding out we were headed to Montana...infertility and trips to Mayo and then finding Dr. Shomento, and finally getting pregnant and now we have two babies!
My oh my.
Harper is awake now. The two of them sleeping lasted about 15 minutes. I will take what I can get. During that time I poured another cup of coffee, ate breakfast and wrote one blog post! I'm holding her now trying to figure out how to keep typing!
I smell a diaper change.
Um, this post will have to be continued...
Actually, I will leave it up on my computer today in case I get a chance to finish it...
I'm back (the next day actually).
Some days I feel lost in the depths of surrealness...Some days none of this feels real. Some days I despise the word surreal...
Let me explain. Some days parenthood feels so surreal that it feels like I'm acting, it simply doesn't feel real. And I don't like that. When that happens I simply don't feel like a mom. I don't feel connected to this new role we've longed for all these years.
And that makes me mad.
We often hear each other say things like, "we have twins", "there are little people in the back seat (of the car) that are ours", "we have these two little people we made"...
And on and on.
This is surreal people. Infertility, pregnancy, and now twins, this is surreal.
Mommy and Daddy after so many years of longing...this is surreal.
Last week another mom visited me and the girls. Her oldest son, a first grader, is an IVF baby. Her youngest two came along the unexpected (after infertility) natural way...3 miracles! She brought me back to reality, she reminded me how extra special our girls are because of how they came to be...she reminded me of what miracles we have...she reminded me of our very real journey. For as much as this feels surreal, it really is real. Even when we don't believe it. Even when we look at them and think, "are they really ours?"! Side note: as we were talking it came up that her and her husband were married at Lutherhaven memorial day weekend in 1999...fun connection!
On goes our journey, written with now two miracles we call our daughters. Wow! It still makes us go wow! They will be headed off to kindergarten and we will probably still be pinching each other asking ourselves, "is this really real?"!
Moving to Minnesota, then North Dakota, then back to Minnesota before finding out we were headed to Montana...infertility and trips to Mayo and then finding Dr. Shomento, and finally getting pregnant and now we have two babies!
My oh my.
Harper is awake now. The two of them sleeping lasted about 15 minutes. I will take what I can get. During that time I poured another cup of coffee, ate breakfast and wrote one blog post! I'm holding her now trying to figure out how to keep typing!
I smell a diaper change.
Um, this post will have to be continued...
Actually, I will leave it up on my computer today in case I get a chance to finish it...
I'm back (the next day actually).
Some days I feel lost in the depths of surrealness...Some days none of this feels real. Some days I despise the word surreal...
Let me explain. Some days parenthood feels so surreal that it feels like I'm acting, it simply doesn't feel real. And I don't like that. When that happens I simply don't feel like a mom. I don't feel connected to this new role we've longed for all these years.
And that makes me mad.
We often hear each other say things like, "we have twins", "there are little people in the back seat (of the car) that are ours", "we have these two little people we made"...
And on and on.
This is surreal people. Infertility, pregnancy, and now twins, this is surreal.
Mommy and Daddy after so many years of longing...this is surreal.
Last week another mom visited me and the girls. Her oldest son, a first grader, is an IVF baby. Her youngest two came along the unexpected (after infertility) natural way...3 miracles! She brought me back to reality, she reminded me how extra special our girls are because of how they came to be...she reminded me of what miracles we have...she reminded me of our very real journey. For as much as this feels surreal, it really is real. Even when we don't believe it. Even when we look at them and think, "are they really ours?"! Side note: as we were talking it came up that her and her husband were married at Lutherhaven memorial day weekend in 1999...fun connection!
On goes our journey, written with now two miracles we call our daughters. Wow! It still makes us go wow! They will be headed off to kindergarten and we will probably still be pinching each other asking ourselves, "is this really real?"!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Sleep
Daddy just left for work for the day and both Harper and Hannah are sleeping:
Isn't that beautiful?!
I've gotten into a bad habit lately...I write blog posts in my head because I don't have a chance to sit down at the computer...and then I forget them later. It's seriously annoying to me.
Did any of you watch last night's episode of HIMYM? I cried with Lilly at the end...not because I feel like she does, wanting to pack my bags and leave during the night because I don't always like being a mother, but because she just wants to do art. I just want to write. It's one of the things I miss the most...
I love my new full time job. I love it. It is not always easy. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Some days I celebrate just surviving. Some days I cry because I'm so tired. Some days I have no idea how the three of us will make it through the day without an extra set of adult hands to help mommy out...
And every day I wonder how I am supposed to go back to work next week. Hmmm...
Life is such a new kind of adventure. It's so...hard, fun, frustrating, adorable...
Here's to hoping they sleep for maybe another hour, now that would be an unexpected start to our day without daddy!
Isn't that beautiful?!
I've gotten into a bad habit lately...I write blog posts in my head because I don't have a chance to sit down at the computer...and then I forget them later. It's seriously annoying to me.
Did any of you watch last night's episode of HIMYM? I cried with Lilly at the end...not because I feel like she does, wanting to pack my bags and leave during the night because I don't always like being a mother, but because she just wants to do art. I just want to write. It's one of the things I miss the most...
I love my new full time job. I love it. It is not always easy. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Some days I celebrate just surviving. Some days I cry because I'm so tired. Some days I have no idea how the three of us will make it through the day without an extra set of adult hands to help mommy out...
And every day I wonder how I am supposed to go back to work next week. Hmmm...
Life is such a new kind of adventure. It's so...hard, fun, frustrating, adorable...
Here's to hoping they sleep for maybe another hour, now that would be an unexpected start to our day without daddy!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
No guarantees
I read an article yesterday about infertility at Christmas time. And I remember.
Last year at this time I often sat, or danced to Mary's song, with tears running down my face. The pain was indescribable. It hurt so bad.
It's extra hard this time of year because, at least for me, we are focused on the Christ Child coming, while crying out, why not us God? I remember the pain.
The hardest part of infertility is there are no guarantees...
As we walked our journey...every day, every month, every year...there were no guarantees.
We had so many people in our lives who believed for us. And so often their hope and belief carried us. But the fear was still there...because there were no guarantees.
I write this because as I hold my precious miracle baby girls I remember. My heart breaks for everyone who still wonders and waits...in the throes of no guarantee.
So many times during our infertility journey I cried out to God, I begged him for our miracle. And with a joyful heart I can proclaim, He chose us!
I know we have hope in Jesus. I know he can and will overcome the no guarantee. And I know that His promises are true. He is there. He was there. He never left us. He carried us...
And my heart cries this Christmas season for everyone who finds themselves in the midst of the pain of infertility...my tears are for you...my prayers are for you.
Harper is crying to be held as I write this, Hannah is starting to fuss...two miracles who represent hope and the guarantee that Jesus lives and His promised plan is alive!
Last year at this time I often sat, or danced to Mary's song, with tears running down my face. The pain was indescribable. It hurt so bad.
It's extra hard this time of year because, at least for me, we are focused on the Christ Child coming, while crying out, why not us God? I remember the pain.
The hardest part of infertility is there are no guarantees...
As we walked our journey...every day, every month, every year...there were no guarantees.
We had so many people in our lives who believed for us. And so often their hope and belief carried us. But the fear was still there...because there were no guarantees.
I write this because as I hold my precious miracle baby girls I remember. My heart breaks for everyone who still wonders and waits...in the throes of no guarantee.
So many times during our infertility journey I cried out to God, I begged him for our miracle. And with a joyful heart I can proclaim, He chose us!
I know we have hope in Jesus. I know he can and will overcome the no guarantee. And I know that His promises are true. He is there. He was there. He never left us. He carried us...
And my heart cries this Christmas season for everyone who finds themselves in the midst of the pain of infertility...my tears are for you...my prayers are for you.
Harper is crying to be held as I write this, Hannah is starting to fuss...two miracles who represent hope and the guarantee that Jesus lives and His promised plan is alive!
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Miracles
Well, we did it!
We did it!
We made babies, grew babies, birthed babies and now we feed and snuggle them, change their diapers...
It is only by the grace of God and with joy filled hearts we can say...We did it.
I started this blog in the throes of infertility. There were moments recorded here in our darkest hour.
Tears, tears, tears...
Of pain, of hopelessness, of joy...
We did it.
God created these miracles and we had a front row seat as His work unfolded.
From the amazing staff at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota to our amazing team of Montana miracle workers, we had the privilege of watching them all make decisions and guide us along the path to our babies!
We have pictures of our sweet girls the day they were transferred into me, day 5 embryos...we have pictures of our embryos frozen in Florida...we have a story that can only be described in one word...MIRACLE!
It's still hard to believe...He chose us...what an honor...what a miracle.
2012...the year of IVF...the year of Hannah Grace & Harper Joy!
As we continue to walk this path and our journey continues to unfold my prayer is that our little miracle babies will impact lives as mommy and daddy continue to share their story...
In the hospital a lady said to me, "Hannah and Harper give me so much hope,"...she will be visiting our same team of miracle workers in Bozeman/Billings sometime soon. I pray, with longing in my heart, for her and her family.
We are daily in awe as we look into the sweet faces of our little miracles..
We did it!
We made babies, grew babies, birthed babies and now we feed and snuggle them, change their diapers...
It is only by the grace of God and with joy filled hearts we can say...We did it.
I started this blog in the throes of infertility. There were moments recorded here in our darkest hour.
Tears, tears, tears...
Of pain, of hopelessness, of joy...
We did it.
God created these miracles and we had a front row seat as His work unfolded.
From the amazing staff at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota to our amazing team of Montana miracle workers, we had the privilege of watching them all make decisions and guide us along the path to our babies!
We have pictures of our sweet girls the day they were transferred into me, day 5 embryos...we have pictures of our embryos frozen in Florida...we have a story that can only be described in one word...MIRACLE!
It's still hard to believe...He chose us...what an honor...what a miracle.
2012...the year of IVF...the year of Hannah Grace & Harper Joy!
As we continue to walk this path and our journey continues to unfold my prayer is that our little miracle babies will impact lives as mommy and daddy continue to share their story...
In the hospital a lady said to me, "Hannah and Harper give me so much hope,"...she will be visiting our same team of miracle workers in Bozeman/Billings sometime soon. I pray, with longing in my heart, for her and her family.
We are daily in awe as we look into the sweet faces of our little miracles..
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