A hope gone awry

Over the past couple of weeks I've had a million different thoughts in my head about infertility. We go from hoping to wondering if we need to get used to being a forever family of 2 and what that will look like for us. We are often asked "do you have kids," and when we say "no" we are then asked "no as in never or no not yet?" We always say no not yet, and the person asking gets so excited. And in my head I tell them all about how we don't know if we can have kids and we've been trying for nearly 4 years and we've had fertility treatments and nothing works. But we say nothing, we just smile and nod. One lady got so excited with our "not yet" that she said maybe something was on the horizon, she was giddy. And all I could think about was how nope, there is nothing on the horizon except maybe a phone call to the Billings clinic. We cry and we get angry and then we get sad. Because if nothing has worked yet, what if that means it never will? I know people have said they really believe we will be parents. But to be honest...in this day, I can't even imagine it anymore. We used to long to have a little us, to be pregnant, to give birth, to go through all of that, but now we can't even imagine it because it feels like it will never happen. I know, I know, we're supposed to keep the hope. But I guess that is what we need you for.