A year of fun...

For one week we got to watch the TV channel Style for free. Darn Dishnetwork, I started watching 2 shows on it, and I thought we got the channel. But today, one week and one day after getting dish hooked up, the channel disappeared. It is no longer part of our package, well it never was. It was their way of getting us to upgrade. And in a way it worked, I haven't upgraded yet, but I am hooked. Ugh! Maybe I can watch the two shows I am hooked on online. The shows are Giuliana and Bill (Rancid) and Tia and Tamara. Ok, I admit, I have always been intrigued with Tia and Tamera because I am also an identical twin. I watched the first episode, and I really want to keep watching the rest! The Giuliana (not sure on the spelling) and Bill show is fascinating, mostly in part because they talk openly about their infertility journey. I want to know them. I want to call them up. I might even try to track them down! After failed IUI's (what we have done) and 2 failed attempts of IVF (on the first try she got pregnant and miscarried, the second try failed) they have decided to stop treatments and just have a year of fun where they can do what they want, when they want, and not have to pay attention to calendars and hormones and shot dates, etc. It seemed like it would be a freeing idea. But you see, with infertility, it never really goes away. And in the midst of their year of fun Giuliana got wind of a holistic fertility doctor in New York and despite Bill sort of dragging his feet, they made an appt. The doctor told them to do acupuncture. And with that, hopefully it works, but with that, their year of fun wasno more. But it probably never really ever was...because when you are going through infertility each month, even if you didn't do a treatment or count days or use an ovulation test kit, you still hope and wonder and are crushed if once again you are not pregnant. When you do fertility treatments you are very in tune to your body. You are pretty sure, even without kits or sticks, when the right time to try is and with that comes a little bit of hope. But then you are reminded that the month before and the month before that, it didn't work. And you want to throw out every thing baby related in your house, or at least hide it. We now have a big house. But I hate it when I open a box in the basement, not remembering what is in it, and see something baby related (a stuffed animal, a blanket, an outfit, either given to us in hope, or purchased in hope) because it makes me so darn sad. I think I will try to watch their show online and maybe just maybe their journey will have a happy ending. And maybe ours will to someday.