My fears and forgets

September 24 is creeping up on us...

And today, I'm washed in my fears and forgets...and it's bringing me to tears.

My fear that my body will fail me...

Fear that our embryos won't be given the chance to grow inside of me because they won't survive the unfreezing process...

Fear that my body won't be ready for them...

Fear that as the next few days go on the doctor will call me and tell me my body just won't coorperate...that we shouldn't even show up for transfer...

Fear that I'll forget to take a pill or show up at an appointment or show up the wrong day.

Fear that it won't work for us this time.  That there's no way it will work twice for us.

And then there are the forgets...

I forget that the Doctor and her team very much know what they're doing.

I forget that last time, doing IVF, I had many of the same fears...

I forget that when I thought my body was failing me last time, it was actually doing exactly what it should. 

I forget that the scripture that saw me through last time 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."

I forget that it's ok to hope.  And imagine.  And dream.  

Infertility sucks.  The fear of making a baby with fertility treatments sucks...but the miracle of making a baby through infertility treatments is indescribable...we're ready to add to our family...we're ready for another front row seat as the courier (taking our embryos to Billings), embryologist, doctor, nurse, an entire team....do everything they can for life to grow inside of me.  Please God, we seek you, we beg you, give us more miracles...guide our team, cover us in grace...give us life...give us courage.