To my lost embryo...

To my lost embryo...

On transfer day Dr. Shomento told us you were all shriveled up.  You didn't unfreeze enough to be transfered...

And that's ok.

But, I'm so, so sorry Mommy never had a chance to try and grow you.

You see, for two and a half years, the entire time you were frozen, I thought about you almost every day.  I wondered about you...

I wondered if you'd grow.  I wondered if you'd be a boy or a girl, I wondered what you would look like, what your personality would be like and what Daddy and I would decide to name you.  I wondered what your big sisters Harper and Hannah would think when we brought you home.  I dreamed of their wide eyed wonder at you being a newborn baby, their very own.

Mommy was sad when she heard you hadn't survived the unfreezing process.  But I didn't have a lot of time at that moment to think about you...I did tear up, but I tried to hide it.  I was trying to be strong for our two embryos that did survive.  But I still think about you...I might always wonder. 

Because you didn't survive the doctor unfroze Daddy and Mommy's third embryo.  Mommy is trying to grow that one and the one that was frozen with you, right now.

I still think about you, almost every day.  I know it's ok you didn't survive.  I know we'll be ok.  I just wanted you to know how much Mommy dreamt about you, thought about you and already had a heart of love for you as I was filled with those two and a half years of wonder...

Just yesterday Daddy and I talked about our poor little love bug that didn't make it.  Now, we're hoping and praying the ones in Mommy are growing.  But no matter what...you will always have a place in Mommy's heart.