Do you ever have pain so bad that it makes you numb? Today I hurt like that. Not a physical pain, but more like a physical weight covering the emotional pain, the hurt of my heart. It makes me want to run, run, run, until I can't anymore because then maybe I'll forget about the hurt of my heart. Maybe I will run so fast that I will beat the hurt, overcome it. On days like today it's hard to yearn or hope. I have to just be. I have to ask why. I want to cry. I want to weep. But the tears aren't coming. Maybe soon they will. Somewhere buried deep in the promises of God I can find the strength, the courage and the hope I need. Today, I am too numb to talk to Jesus. I am not mad, I just don't know what to say. That's why these lyrics speak so much to me:
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah.
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
Thank God that he can hear a melody in the midst of our breaking hearts. My silence to our creator, my miseries, my brokenness, my honesty....intertwined....and better than a hallelujah.
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