birthdays...

I've been on a blog hiatus since we've had to much going on! But finally I have a chance to write.
yesterday at work a lady stopped by the front desk to complain to me about having a birthday party for her 2-year old twins this weekend. Really? I wanted to scream at her to stop talking, don't do this to me I was thinking, I don't want to hear this. I really really didn't want to hear it. I would do anything to be having a birthday party this weekend for our 2 year old twins. It would be epic, for sure. Another lady at work gave birth to twins this week...wonderful! But oh so hard.
We are right smack in the middle of the waiting after another treatment. It feels like we had the last treatment forever ago, when really it was just a week ago yesterday. The waiting, the fear, it is all so hard. The wondering if I feel different this time, the feeling, literally, of being all pumped up on hormones. We are so scared it didn't work. I keep telling God that I really don't think we can handle another negative test, it's too hard. But I know he will give us what we need, he will be there, and he instills a hope in us that couldn't come from anywhere but him. So, we wait and we try to distract ourselves with things like running errands, maybe packing a box or two and having some fun!