Miracles...

You may have picked up on this before, but during the course of this journey we've had many lows where we felt abandoned by God.

The scariest part of IVF is wondering, is He still there?

We know, without a doubt He is. But sometimes we still get scared.

A couple of weeks ago I was praying about a need we had, and at the end of my prayer I said something like, "oh what's the point, why would He help us with that?"

But you know what? A couple of days later He did, beyond my expectations. That was a miracle to me.

I felt Him reminding me that He is there, He can do miracles and He will do miracles. It was like a breath of fresh air. The sea kind...refreshing, invigorating, and filled to the brim with His presence.

Then, this one is sort of silly, but over Christmas break Joel got the stomach flu. First the Luitens had it a couple of weeks before, then Jim got it and was recovering, then it was Joel's turn. I never got it. I prayed really hard...and I remember thinking how silly I was to pray because of course I would get it, it's the stomach flu, everyone who gets exposed gets it! But not me. And not Blazer!

I felt the same thing, that maybe, just maybe, God was trying to remind me that He is there. And if it took him answering that silly little prayer, He would do that.

With that said, I'm getting less and less paranoid that I will get it!

It's really scary, embarking on this IVF journey. But every time I get scared I think to myself, this has to work, He's there, He's with us. I want so badly for it to work, it's the cry of my heart.

It is much less daunting going into it with a renewed sense of His presence and his miracle making awesomeness.

We seek him, wholeheartedly for more miracles, for life created, for a love fulfilled.