Friday, July 16, 2010
One sunny day
Today is usually my day off, but we're getting near the end of our internship, so I'm doing visits. I feel pretty bad that I have to be gone for most of the day, when Melissa and I usually spend time exercising, drinking coffee, walking downtown and enjoying the weather. This loss of infertility remains a difficult part of our journey. I dream of "one sunny day" when we see our daughter/son held in our arms, looking at us, lovingly, crying, or whatever the emotion might be. This type of loss is not easy to explain and at times I've been farther away emotionally from the situation than Melissa. I keep my head down and do my intern thing and go one day, one week at a time, but the pain and sorrow is still there. When I stop and think and wait in that sadness, it leads to the reality of our situation, for today. I hold out hope that our heart's desire for children will be realized sooner rather than later, but understand that it's okay to cry, okay to be angry, okay to ask why, knowing that we might not get a straight answer, but that God will walk with us through this journey. It's a journey that I share with my wife and friend, Melissa, as we think and pray of that day.
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My heart aches when I read your posts. Jake and I know how bad it hurts not to be able to have a child when you want so bad and aren't able to. I think about it now...five years we waited and hoped, worried, and mostly kept it all to ourselves. In a way I was glad to learn that someone besides us was going through the same thing- so I think your posts will really be a good ministry tool one day. Only God knows what the future holds and he's already knows what yours and our future children will be like. Yes, Jake and I feel that we have truly experienced a miracle knowing that finally we will have a child although the timing "monthly" is completely not what an ovulation test would have predicted. I know God can do great things and he has great things in store for you guys and your future family. We love you two and will keep you in our prayers.
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