not a grocery store....

It is hard to want something so bad that you can't just go out and get. We don't know when we will be parents. We can't decide that because if we could we would already have little ones to call us mommy and daddy. We can go to the store and buy milk, fruit, meat, cheese, blankets, towels, clothes, etc. whenever we need them or want them. Right now we want babies, we want to be parents, we need to be parents. The tears come thinking about it. We've reached the point where to talk about it means to cry about it. We've even reached the point where people who get to be parents don't want to talk about it at all with us, we may not hear from a friend for a long time and we wonder if it is because they are pregnant and we are not and they don't know how to tell us. Those kinds of thoughts are of course making it all about us which we should not do. That's where us embracing new life comes in...of course we embrace it. That doesn't mean it fills our void, but it is a joyous thing! In this moment we feel like we are treading water....which we're good at. We will keep on going, we're getting good at persevering. But it is so hard. It's not something we asked for. But it is something we do. Just like dancing to us or breathing, we do because it's necessary.