Why, why, why?

Days like today, when the pain hurts so bad, it is hard to not put the box o' hope away and pretend it doesn't exist, or to imagine a "back when" ever happening for us. Over and over again the tears come until they are dry, then they fill back up and fall again and again. It's a cycle we don't want to bear. And as we do, as we cry, we wonder if Jesus is just as heart broken about this as we are, if he is crying with us. And then we wonder why? Why can't he do something about this, why can't we be mommy and daddy? Why the pain, the sorrow, the hurt? Why, why, why? When will this be over? Days like today it is hard to see the happy ending. We weep and our hearts and minds are clouded with tears. We won't say never, but we have a hard time imagining it any other way. Today, we write because we can't talk about it, we have pain that can't be voiced. We know Jesus is there and as much as we don't understand, we hope and plead that he is carrying us, because without him, the creator of life, this journey would be unbearable. Which is ironic because today we ask him why he can't just fix it, why we can't see the point of all of this pain. But that's ok, because even in the midst of our confusion and heartbreak he is there.