The meds are here!

I was so nervous yesterday.  I was so skeptical.  I  had myself convinced the meds would not arrive on their expected day.  It was 1:15pm and I was sending Joel to the post office to check there (often times Fedex & UPS deliver packages to the post office here and they put them in our box)...I was nervous. 

But then, moments later, as I stood on the treadmill looking out our giant living room window with the sun pouring in on me I saw it...the FedEx truck.  I watched, I waited, was he coming here? 

Yep!  I started dancing around the living room chanting "he's here, he's here!"  It really was pure joy.  I danced until he made it to the door.  I wanted to shout for joy to him, but I held back.  He looked more like he wanted out of here, than joyful to be delivering our package. 

Joel signed and opened.  Feelings of awe flooded us...wow.  Just wow.  So many meds. 

We took out each item.  And then Joel oh so patiently read off the package list what was inside so we could make sure it had all arrived.  The pharmacy told me we should do this right away.

Syringes by the dozen, needles, viles of meds, pill bottles, a container to dispose of the used items, gauze pads (big ones), alcohol pads...

So much more than all 5 IUI's put together.  This is intense.  No other way to say it, intense.

Good thing Julia knows what to do with it all, and will show us on Monday morning!

Want to know the miracle of it all?  Our $3000.00 box of meds cost us $156.30.  Thank you insurance.  Amazing, simply amazing. 

I will leave you with one last thought...I'm learning, slowly, that worrying gets me nothing but a bunch of anxiety...I worried about the meds arriving on time, they made it, I worried about the med price, so doable, I worried...but God is here, He has taken the worry, bore it for me and answered our prayers.  He is present.

Medication Frenzy

It's been a frenzy at our house...wedding and reception Saturday, church and annual meeting Sunday, Lent coming and waiting for meds.  It's all big, it's all busy, but the most anxiety ridden was, until this morning, the waiting for meds (at least for me, for Joel is might be Ash Wednesday, but we'll conquer that also).  

When Julia called last week on the 14th she said she was ordering the meds that day and that I would hear from the pharmacy within a couple of days.

I waited....Wednesday...Thursday...Friday...and no call.  I left a message with Julia Monday morning early, then remembered it was President's Day.  Ugh.  Off to bible study we went, no sense waiting by the phone on President's Day! 

I had since googled the pharmacy and saw it is located in Massachusetts. 

I was pretty worried about this situation.  We have to have the  meds by Saturday for our Monday appointment.  Monday it infiltrated my thoughts.  There was a message from Cindy at Dr. Shomento's office when we got home Monday evening...

The meds had been ordered via fax on the 14th.  She would work on it and call me back this morning. 

Joel stayed home while I went to preschool today.  We didn't want to miss a call.  At 9:35am right in the middle of calendar time, my cell phone rang.  The caller ID said "Unknown."  I froze.  I knew I had to answer it.  I had 12 little eyes staring at me when I said hi...It was the pharmacy! 

Two kids took their shoes and socks off, they quickly got louder, and I answered the questions of the pharmacy amidst cries of "teacher"...it was a wild couple of minutes!  But we survived, the kiddos and I.  The problem is I didn't have my insurance information at preschool because I'd left it at the house expecting a call on the home phone. 

Joel to the rescue!  I called him quick and he came over, insurance cards in hand.  Snack was just finishing up and we were 10 minutes away from putting on coats to walk to the library.  I announced that Pastor Joel would be telling them all a story so to be quiet and listen.  I called the pharmacy back with my insurance info, the first call dropped cuz I was in the basement, the second one went through and they were so nice both times...it's a lot of meds they are sending.  They will be delivered and signed for on Friday!

Cindy called again and left a message...the order had been sent in on the 14th but it was put in the wrong pile...good thing I called, they put a rush on the order, she said.  Thank you Cindy...she also gave me her direct number (Julia is in hawaii for the week!), and the direct number to the pharmacy and said if I have any anxiety over any of it, call anytime.  These people are amazing and so caring, to say the least! 

A witness

The nurse at Cryo-cell International is named Melissa.  I assume we might just be a number to them, another client amongst the millions they already have, but Melissa gives me a different vibe.  Correspondence with her seems pretty laid back.

Wednesday I emailed her to let her know we would be mailing contracts (there are 2 of them) back soon.  And I wanted to clarify where the witness was to sign...it was rather confusing.  I was going to take a picture of the paperwork and us signing it, before mailing it in, but guess what?  I didn't.  Want to know why?  The last time I did that, took a picture of us signing paperwork in hopes if it leading to a family, we were told no.  That was the adoption paperwork way back in January of 2010.  I still have the picture somewhere.  But I don't like to look at it.

We needed a witness.  Someone other than each other and they had to sign and date the same day that Joel (the co-client) and I (the client) signed.

There was one page that said specifically that the witness should print name, initial, sign name and date.  There were 2 pages that at the bottom said, "In Witness of"...and then "Your name:".

When Melissa emailed me back she clarified that only on 1 of the "In Witness of" pages was the witness supposed to sign.  Then she said that she was going to bring this up in revisions next time they gathered to make it less confusing!  I'm helping change their paperwork for future clients!

Well...in the moment, the one page that she said the witness did not have to sign, we had her sign it anyways.  It was really confusing (there were 2 pages 4's and well, confusing).  So, our witness and I both signed it.  Then I printed another copy of it and just I signed it. 

I was stressed about finding a witness....but then in the midst of Carol's travel plans she was able to take the time to be our witness!  What a relief.  What a gift.  We went to her house, enjoyed coffee, a wonderful visit, and lots of signing.  It may seem like a small thing, but it's really a huge thing.  And we really appreciate it!

In a matter of weeks, we will have embryos (hopefully) stored in a facility in Oldsmar Florida.  We're living it but it's very surreal. 

A Valentine Dinner

The Bear Paw Coffee Shop and Deli was having a Valentine's Dinner, reservations only, last night.  We hadn't planned to go, but on Sunday, the owners, asked if they could treat us to dinner that night.  We said sure!

We were given a choice, sit by ourselves, or sit with 3 elderly couples from the church...hmmm...we picked the elderly couples.  And one of them brought their son and daughter-in-law, 10 total at our table. 

It was an evening of amazing food and hilarious conversation.  When you get three couples, in their 80's, talking and laughing and yelling because they can't always hear it's awesome! 

They shared that they had been each others valentine's for 61 years, give or take a year or two.  Wow!  What an honor to be sitting there with them. 

At one point they were all trying to figure out if Tom Sanford had died.  I said, "I guess we'll have to google it!".  "What?" one of them said!  I repeated myself and then one guy said every time he tries to google on his new ipad something strange happens and he never finds what he is looking for.  "I'd have my grandkids help me but none of them have ipads," he said.  They were all in consensus that his ipad is way better than a computer because you can mess a computer up.  The ipad owner said, "A couple of years ago I bought a computer because people kept asking me if I had one, I finally bought one so I could say yes next time they asked."  He never has quite figured out how to use the computer! 

It was hilarious.  And our meal of salad, cheese rolls, steak (or chicken, we both had steak), bacon wrapped asparagus, baked potato or roasted red potatoes, ice cream and a chocolate dipped strawberry was delicious! 

Waiting

Wow, we've been waiting for a call from the nurse.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  It was pushing me to my limit.  I just wanted to hear something about the next step on this IVF journey...

I had made up my mind, if I didn't hear anything from her by yesterday afternoon, today I was going to call...

BUT...she called!  She called!  She called!  Whew.  Waiting, at least the waiting for that call, was over. 

Now for the what comes next...

More waiting of course!

Today, I wait for a call from the pharmacy the meds are coming from.  Julia ordered them yesterday.  The pharmacy will call, hopefully today, to get insurance and payment information.  Then meds will be in the mail.

On February 27th at 10am we have an appointment in Bozeman for some lab work for both of us (infectious disease checking) and a session with the Dr. and nurse to learn how to take the meds and when to take them.  Our box of meds will have arrived via mail by then, and we'll take it with us. 

She will give us a calendar on that day.

This is a rather invovled process, full of the waiting game.  Geesh!

I was pondering waiting last night...we waited to start the birth control, we waited for the call yesterday, we wait for the pharmacy call, we wait for the next appointment, we wait for the retrieval and implanting in March, we wait to see if it works, and if it does, we wait for our miracle...

It could be an entire year of waiting.  2012: the year of waiting.  I'd better get used to it.  To be honest, it's not one of my favorite things to do, and I am not even very good at it.  But I want it.  So bad. 

Meltdown time

Today was an almost meltdown day and it's only 11:30am.

I can't find the sweatshirt I want to wear. Our house is a mess. Laundry needs done. Joel isn't home much, which just adds fuel to the almost meltdown. We have to go to the bank to request a money order for payment of our IVF cycle (which hopefully doesn't turn into much of an event). We have a long to-do list for this Wednesday, none of which includes cleaning our house or organizing it.

We have to read and sign and mail back our Cryology consent forms, so they are there and processed in time for the cycle in March. Which is another thing not on the to-do list. The weeks go by so fast.

I hope the list does include an afternoon bike ride before youth group.

None of this is really a big deal, except maybe the cryology paperwork. But to me, today, it all is. I feel like crying it's all so overwhelming. And then I think about all the upcoming injections and, well, I have to take a lot of deep breaths. And build in play time, I try to make sure we play at least once a day whether it be a dice game called greed, bike riding, treadmill walking/running, walking to the post office, or watching one of our favorite shows Parenthood together. Or, of course, going for coffee at the local coffee shop.

Cryo-Cell International

There is another layer to this IVF stuff and it involves consent forms, decisions and embryo travel...

Cryology: Reproductive tissue storage...

The goal of the first round of IVF will be to have enough healthy embryos to freeze for future rounds, whether it be for siblings of the first round baby (s) or another go at success.

Having multiple healthy embryos the first round, means the next time the cost is much lower, the process somewhat less complicated, though still hormone filled! 

Our embryos will be stored in Florida.  We will pay for their transportation there and then for them to stay there.  The cost is way lower than I expected it to be, meaning it will be 200-300 a year, versus the thousands I thought it would cost.

With embryo storage comes lots of questions and decisions.

For example, if something happens to both Joel and I, who gets legal rights to the embryos?  If something happens to one of us, but not the other, the embryo goes automatically into full custody of the loan surviving parent. 

We have to sign lots of consent forms.  We have to have someone not related to us be our witness.  It's intense to the max.

The week...

I have a calendar hanging in my living room that has a different picture of a journey each month. I put it there because I wan to look at it often. It's beautiful. And it's a wonderful reminder that we're on a journey. It was a $5 purchase at Walgreens in Moses Lake the week after Christmas, and well worth every dollar! It's very contemplative, and I like it. It sort of shines with hope.

The first week of birth control is over. And for the most part it went well. I honestly thought I might go off my rocker a little, but I didn't. Maybe Joel would disagree, haha! I've been pretty mellow. At times I've felt anxious, but I haven't wanted to scream. If is wasn't for the headaches it would have been a pretty uneventful week on this journey. I hate headaches and I get them a lot. I had them pretty under control until this past week. On the bc patient info sheet it does say it could cause headaches. BLAH. On Tuesday, in the middle of a break from parent teacher conferences, I had the worst one I think I've ever had. Not fun.

I remember how the clomid, when we were doing IUI's, gave me headaches. But, well, that's part of this journey...in the end, if it all works, it's all worth it. Every last bit of headache and sleeplessness, and anxiety and the heightened hormone effects yet to come.

We can to this! We can do this!

Today I went on a 6 mile bike ride in the sunshine in 40 degree weather with a lady from church. And it was glorious! Then we went to eat Lutefisk and lefse at FLC in Havre...reminded us of eating it at FLC in Williston 2 years ago! The food was good, I had meatballs and skipped out on the lutefisk (Joel had a piece though)...but the smell...I have not missed that smell...GROSS!

To top the week off I received some fun mail: more January flowers (sparkly white), an article from the newspaper at home, a box full of hearts, a preschool puppet and our favorite rocket bakery valentines sugar cookies (the BEST on the planet)...THANKS to the fabulous senders!