Our angry God

We imagine today that God is angry along side of us. Not a raging anger. Not as bad as our anger. But an anger that makes him feel like we do today. I bet he is crying with us also. And I bet he is deeply sad. Those are the pictures I get when I think about him being there for us today. It doesn't really feel like he is there. In fact, a lot of our anger is directed at him. Maybe that makes him a little angry and hurt also. But he also knows that we need him. And he knows the plans he has for us.
I've been dwelling on this...what if we are all praying the wrong thing? We pray for babies. We ask, we plead, we beg and we talk to God about babies. We think we would be good parents. We love to play with kids. We don't understand why we have to go through this. But the scariest part? Maybe God doesn't intend to give us children. How do we really know? We can read his word, we can trust, but after 3 and a half years what if we're all praying the wrong thing? So many people are praying for us...you included. And we know for certain we couldn't walk this journey without your prayers, listening, talking and silence when we need it. We need you, we need God, we need each other. And we hope, most hours, most days, that we are not all praying the wrong thing. That God does want babies for us. But in the midst of this Mayo journey, when the timing lined up so perfectly, and we felt God was there with us, but we still didn't get babies, what's the point? Was he really there? What's he thinking? What's going on here? It's oh so hard to keep the hope. We'll try, maybe not today, but another day, another moment, we will try to keep the hope and believe that he does want to give us babies.