Those stupid sticks...

We took the test for our third round of Mayo treatments early this morning. After seeing the result I probably wrote a thousand different blog entries in my head as I lay awake in bed...the test was negative. I wanted to throw that stick, or kick it, or hit something...those stupid tests. I've heard many many times about people who get a positive on one of those little sticks and then take 2 more or 3 more or 4 more, just to be sure. You know, we've often stared at a negative one wanting to take more and more...not to be sure, but to change the result. If I had more here I would be taking them right now. We've grown to hate those things. It's like they are out to get us. Sounds silly I know, but we've lost count of the number of times in the past 3 and a half years that we've been told no by one of those stupid little sticks. It really is to the point where we think that they will never ever tell us yes. Those stupid little sticks. To give up on them is crushing. To hate them makes us even more angry. To love them makes us scared. We haven't had enough, because we're not ready to give up...that is too scary. But we are mad, sad, washed in a layer of confusion and doubt. We're hopeless and ticked, with a few tears thrown in.