Life

Sometimes I feel really overwhelmed.

And tired.  And sick.  And sad.  And happy.

Then I feel bad.

I don't have the right to feel any of those things, do I?  I know I do, this is life, it might be a life that's still sinking in to us, but this is life.

This is quite the ride.  It's joy filled and scary.

It's the most surreal thing we have ever done in our lives.

Maybe all those other surreal things we did, like going to seminary, internship, the mayo clinic, moving to Montana...were all to prepare us for this.  

I was thinking today about egg retrieval day and groggily waking up in recovery hearing what I thought was something about 10 eggs...

Then I was finally alert and Dr. Shomento indeed said they were able to harvest 10 eggs...

I remember being disappointed and wondering if we did something wrong along the way...but then as the days and the weeks unfolded we received our miracle!  Times two!

I don't know how to put it into words.  I don't even know how to feel on this day...it's just, well, how I feel. 

It's fascinating because people tell you all of these awful things about having kids, once you're pregnant, and it's weird...isn't joy in there also?  I hear how fun it will be, how hard it will be, how exhausting...I hear girls are way harder than boys, I hear at least once a week at church that I am fat (usually during the sharing of the peace)...I hear that there are rumors going around town that I can't teach preschool anymore because of twins, I hear my "boss" saying we'd better meet to talk because she isn't sure I'm up for teaching being pregnant and all...I know I haven't heard it all...but some days it feels like it! 

It's weird.  

And I think to myself...am I supposed to be a recluse, shut myself off, because me being pregnant isn't fair to people?  Am I suppose to not teach because I'll be too "fat"?  News flash, if I don't teach I have to find another job, and that's the last thing I want to do!

I've probably had too much time to think today!  But in the midst of that I've been productive...I've swept, done load after load of  laundry, marked maternity clothes people have loaned me and then organized them all, cleaned the kitchen, worked on cleaning the bedroom, watched cupcake wars and now I'm thinking about baking a cake!  And resting, I have to rest!