In search of some hope...

We leave this afternoon in search of hope. I found this ornament (pictured) in a random box today that I decided to open and find out what was inside...I found some hope. This was a stop on my packing endeavor. We will only be gone 2 nights, but I will over pack. I always over pack. Especially when we are going on a trip such as the one before us. I mostly over pack with what I would call comfort clothes...hoodies, fleeces, sweat pants (for relaxing of course), favorite socks, shoes, etc. Then there is the over packing of shirts to wear to the doctor. I always want to "look" like good candidates to become parents. I want to look put together and nice, but not too nice (I am in the wild west after all)...this is all very silly I know, but I still do it. I probably need Joel to get home so he can tell me to put half the stuff back! It's comfort I need and it's hope we are looking for. It's pretty daunting going to this appointment, after we've already been through 5 treatments...daunting because we wonder what decisions we will have to make. I found the notes from Dr. Jensen at Mayo and her fellow (?) Dr. Phoebe. They outlined IUI (what we were doing) vs. IVF and the percentages of success. The notes even had the name of the doctor we will see tomorrow. It's all just sort of weird. I mean, I feel like we know so much from Mayo. I feel like it's more us telling the new doctor what we have done, where we are at, what we would like to do next, and then getting her opinion. Hopefully, we fine hope before, during and after this appointment. And we hope to have peace in abundance...peace to make the right decisions, peace to know exactly what path God wants us to walk down and the strength to walk it and the comfort to rest in it. Whether that's hormones, procedures, adoption, we need strength because this stuff is hard. So, for now, we trust that Jesus is not only going with us, but that He's carrying us there, holding us while we make decisions. It's hard to trust him, we felt like he let us down the last time, but we'll reach deep down inside and we'll leap...a fear filled but trusting leap. And we'll seek hope.