Punishment?

I don't think I have ever really written about this...but it's something that is often talked about at our house. The question is, are we being punished? We have a lot of debt. I am looking for a second job so we can afford to live...so are the decisions we have made that got us this debt, the reason we cannot have a child? Is God punishing us? We ask each other this all the time and the answer we give is no. Our God is not a punishing God...but seriously, the more this won't go away, the more we think we might be being punished. I have heard a lot of times over the years people say "if you wait until you can afford kids, you will never have them." We tried adoption and were told we didn't make enough money, or that we couldn't afford to. We tried fertility treatments and just ended up with a bill. In both endeavors we thought God was leading us...and all we ended up with was financial trouble. This is all so darn frustrating. And we can't help thinking maybe we are being punished. This will not go away. Why can't it just be easy? Why can't we just use an ovulation test kit, try, and get pregnant. Why won't that happen for us? Are we being punished? That's what it feels like. It sort of feels like God is not on our side. It doesn't make any sense to us. It scares us a lot. It's lonely. And sometimes we are even really angry.