Let's me be real here for a moment...
I feel tired, I feel sick, I'm tired of puking and I want to feel better...I'm overwhelmed.
There, I said it. I was honest.
A couple of weeks ago I was near a meltdown. I felt like I was being crushed under the weight of surrealness (which I know isn't really a word, stick with me here) and being oh so overwhelmed.
The truth is, having gone through years of infertility, I thought once we received the news of our growing miracles I was only allowed to feel joy...
Which I did and do feel.
There is just so much more to it. There is so much to think about. There is so much fear and exhaustion and confusion and sickness and headaches.
And joy.
Unspeakable joy.
But the joy didn't become that, honestly, until the last ultra sound. I think I was just too scared up to that point...but seeing the babies that day, well I was grinning from ear to ear.
Everyone tells you that pregnancy isn't always easy, but when you're caught up in another sort of pain you don't focus on that, you focus on the miracle.
Then when the puking starts and the clothes stop fitting and you're trying, really, to figure out how to handle this new body of yours, well...
That's when the near meltdown happened.
Add on top of that the added tears and the guilt that I'm happy when so many of my friends are still longing for their own miracle and you've really got a mountain of near meltdown!
But then I saw our babies again and we had a great appointment with Gretchen, the nurse practitioner, and the joy just kept coming!
The joy truly is boundless, the baby bump is growing, the throwing up is torturous, the exhaustion
is hard to get used to, the getting ready is overwhelming, the nursery
planning and the to-buy list we have created is more than we can handle
most days...
But we love it all, now I just can't wait to feel the babies move and learn their gender, in less than a month!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
The power of story
I have noticed, especially this weekend, that people always follow up our news of twins with, "are there twins in either of your families?".
I answer, of course, by saying I am a twin. Which automatically makes them think that we're having twins because there are twins in the family...
Which isn't the case...
I feel prompted to tell them we did fertility treatments and that's the reason for this double adventure!
Sharing just a part of our story, in the 2 minutes or less I have with them, is so powerful...
I often here people in response tell us they did the same thing...some sort of fertility treatments...
Or they are parents because of the gift of adoption...
Or their daughter, niece or sister did treatments...
Or they themselves are struggling with infertility and what treatment did we do and where.
A silent journey, pain filled, but so meant to be shared, at least for us. So many doors opened. This is part of our story. And I pray that God is writing ours in this way so we can share hope with others.
One girl, and I was sharing that IVF worked for us the first time, lit up with joy. She hopes for the same thing for her and her husband. I hope and pray that for them also!
I answer, of course, by saying I am a twin. Which automatically makes them think that we're having twins because there are twins in the family...
Which isn't the case...
I feel prompted to tell them we did fertility treatments and that's the reason for this double adventure!
Sharing just a part of our story, in the 2 minutes or less I have with them, is so powerful...
I often here people in response tell us they did the same thing...some sort of fertility treatments...
Or they are parents because of the gift of adoption...
Or their daughter, niece or sister did treatments...
Or they themselves are struggling with infertility and what treatment did we do and where.
A silent journey, pain filled, but so meant to be shared, at least for us. So many doors opened. This is part of our story. And I pray that God is writing ours in this way so we can share hope with others.
One girl, and I was sharing that IVF worked for us the first time, lit up with joy. She hopes for the same thing for her and her husband. I hope and pray that for them also!
Nursery
Whimsical, peaceful, relaxing, calm...
Those are all words rolling around in my head when I think about the nursery for our babies.
I sort of have a vision in my head, but I am struggling with trying to figure out how to make it a reality.
Paint colors, motifs, furniture colors, etc., etc.!
So overwhelming. So very overwhelming.
First I thought about doing Classic Pooh for a theme, then a random Ikea theme, then wait til we know gender and pick a theme...
But then Joel and I thought about what brings us peace, relaxation, calm...
And it came to us...
The Ocean, the Oregon Coast!
Um, how the heck do we make that a nursery? No idea! I want starfish and maybe even a light gray wall with white polka dots...but I have no idea how that goes together!
I took a picture of wrapping paper at Hallmark yesterday because I wanted to see it become a wall. I've been googling beach themes for nursery. I have a couple pictures.
It always comes back to a wall hanging...do I need one? What should it look like?
I'm assuming that if you're reading this Mom and Aunt Cindy that your wheels are turning for me! Help please! Anyone else have any ideas? We picked the room and the wall color...we're thinking of somehow making an eclectic swatch with all these random ideas...but it stops there!
Oh and maybe the room can have a Pooh's corner reading nook? Yea, like we'll really have room for that!
Those are all words rolling around in my head when I think about the nursery for our babies.
I sort of have a vision in my head, but I am struggling with trying to figure out how to make it a reality.
Paint colors, motifs, furniture colors, etc., etc.!
So overwhelming. So very overwhelming.
First I thought about doing Classic Pooh for a theme, then a random Ikea theme, then wait til we know gender and pick a theme...
But then Joel and I thought about what brings us peace, relaxation, calm...
And it came to us...
The Ocean, the Oregon Coast!
Um, how the heck do we make that a nursery? No idea! I want starfish and maybe even a light gray wall with white polka dots...but I have no idea how that goes together!
I took a picture of wrapping paper at Hallmark yesterday because I wanted to see it become a wall. I've been googling beach themes for nursery. I have a couple pictures.
It always comes back to a wall hanging...do I need one? What should it look like?
I'm assuming that if you're reading this Mom and Aunt Cindy that your wheels are turning for me! Help please! Anyone else have any ideas? We picked the room and the wall color...we're thinking of somehow making an eclectic swatch with all these random ideas...but it stops there!
Oh and maybe the room can have a Pooh's corner reading nook? Yea, like we'll really have room for that!
"We're having twins"
I heard these words come from Joel several times at the Montana Synod Assembly last weekend in Billings.
Every time it filled my heart with joy.
When we told Pastor John Allen, Assistant to the Bishop, he smiled big, said congratulations and that he had heard that news from someone....
The Montana Synod grape vine!
It might be a big state, but news travels!
As we walked away he told me to take care of myself.
All weekend those words were ringing in my ears leaving me wondering, am I taking care of myself?
The assembly was so tiring and draining. So much sitting and listening. The food options were so difficult for me...the banquet, delicious unless you're pregnant with Twins and not feeling the best...the restaurants...well, when you're in a group trying to pick a place not everyone is going to listen to the pregnant lady! Nor should they have to. I made it, it just added to the tiring part.
As we told more people, love surrounded us. Love poured over us. Ellen, from Joel's cluster, came up to me to say how good I looked and how she prays for us and the babies constantly...I cried.
Linda was so encouraging.
And Bishop Crist was so kind and smiled really big when we told her our news! It's a Montana Synod baby boom she said...another classmate of Joel's and his wife are due in August, us in December, and 2 adoptions are in the works...
Babies abound!
It was a fun weekend of talking to people, meeting new ones, and putting faces to name for me.
The closing worship was awesome! And the host church, in their graciousness, offered us a to-go baggie of snacks to get us through to the closest drive-thru! For this girl that bag of snacks was a life saver! Worship went until 1:30, followed by a long wait on the bus and a ride back to the hotel...I was hungry and thankful.
Every time it filled my heart with joy.
When we told Pastor John Allen, Assistant to the Bishop, he smiled big, said congratulations and that he had heard that news from someone....
The Montana Synod grape vine!
It might be a big state, but news travels!
As we walked away he told me to take care of myself.
All weekend those words were ringing in my ears leaving me wondering, am I taking care of myself?
The assembly was so tiring and draining. So much sitting and listening. The food options were so difficult for me...the banquet, delicious unless you're pregnant with Twins and not feeling the best...the restaurants...well, when you're in a group trying to pick a place not everyone is going to listen to the pregnant lady! Nor should they have to. I made it, it just added to the tiring part.
As we told more people, love surrounded us. Love poured over us. Ellen, from Joel's cluster, came up to me to say how good I looked and how she prays for us and the babies constantly...I cried.
Linda was so encouraging.
And Bishop Crist was so kind and smiled really big when we told her our news! It's a Montana Synod baby boom she said...another classmate of Joel's and his wife are due in August, us in December, and 2 adoptions are in the works...
Babies abound!
It was a fun weekend of talking to people, meeting new ones, and putting faces to name for me.
The closing worship was awesome! And the host church, in their graciousness, offered us a to-go baggie of snacks to get us through to the closest drive-thru! For this girl that bag of snacks was a life saver! Worship went until 1:30, followed by a long wait on the bus and a ride back to the hotel...I was hungry and thankful.
Blogging
Today is catch up on blogging day...in case you hadn't noticed!
It's also a day for laundry, cleaning up clutter, watching missed episodes of cupcake champions, reading, making a giant list of everything that needs done, and relaxing day!
It's Joel's day in Havre. It's my day to wade through the mess I am swimming in and try to keep starches down.
The church council in Big Sandy has asked us what we need to get the house ready for babies...
That's part of my list making.
But to be honest...I have no idea what that means.
I know we need a lot of things. I know I want nursery walls painted and the windows replaced in what will become the nursery...they have had the new windows for over a year now, they just need to go in...
But what else? Any ideas? It's overwhelming.
When they asked me this question my only answer was painting. When they asked Joel at the council meeting his only answer was painting.
What needs done to a house?
I want some bookshelves rearranged and things cleared out of that room. I know we'll eventually need baby gates...
But I don't know what else.
So part of today is to make a giant list of what we need for babies, mainly the big items. And to include on that list "figure out what the house needs to get ready for babies".
I have all these blog posts built up in my head, so if I can remember them all, well, it will be a day full of blogging also!
It's also a day for laundry, cleaning up clutter, watching missed episodes of cupcake champions, reading, making a giant list of everything that needs done, and relaxing day!
It's Joel's day in Havre. It's my day to wade through the mess I am swimming in and try to keep starches down.
The church council in Big Sandy has asked us what we need to get the house ready for babies...
That's part of my list making.
But to be honest...I have no idea what that means.
I know we need a lot of things. I know I want nursery walls painted and the windows replaced in what will become the nursery...they have had the new windows for over a year now, they just need to go in...
But what else? Any ideas? It's overwhelming.
When they asked me this question my only answer was painting. When they asked Joel at the council meeting his only answer was painting.
What needs done to a house?
I want some bookshelves rearranged and things cleared out of that room. I know we'll eventually need baby gates...
But I don't know what else.
So part of today is to make a giant list of what we need for babies, mainly the big items. And to include on that list "figure out what the house needs to get ready for babies".
I have all these blog posts built up in my head, so if I can remember them all, well, it will be a day full of blogging also!
Double trouble
I've been having trouble with motion sickness since that day almost 2 weeks ago that I was really sick.
When we visited family and friends in Moses Lake and Spokane last week I got really car sick going over the mountains.
Yesterday, driving home from Great Falls I got really car sick again and that road is pretty much straight the whole way.
Dr. Key's nurse practitioner, Gretchen, who we saw yesterday told me this is normal...
I have double babies which means double hormones which can mean double tired, double sickness, double everything!
I love double!
I don't love double puking...although it is better when Joel, the rockstar, is by my side comforting me.
But I'll take the struggle. I really will. Even when it gets oh so hard. Even when I go from semi-normal food to Popsicles, ramen and crackers once again.
It's worth it. I know it is.
And when I feel frustrated about feeling miserable I almost feel guilty. I've waited so long for this, and I know so many people who desire this so deeply.
I just pray the babies continue to grow and that I can give them what they need!
Gretchen told me to keep taking the anti-nausea meds every 4-6 hours and when I run out to call, they will give me more. She told me to try crackers, canada dry ginger ale, and lemons...sniffing them, not sucking, unless I really want to...
Although last night, I took a sniff and small suck of a lemon, and less than 5 minutes later I was puking!
Oh well, I really do think ginger ale, popcicles, dry toast, ramen and crackers taste good, whew!
When we visited family and friends in Moses Lake and Spokane last week I got really car sick going over the mountains.
Yesterday, driving home from Great Falls I got really car sick again and that road is pretty much straight the whole way.
Dr. Key's nurse practitioner, Gretchen, who we saw yesterday told me this is normal...
I have double babies which means double hormones which can mean double tired, double sickness, double everything!
I love double!
I don't love double puking...although it is better when Joel, the rockstar, is by my side comforting me.
But I'll take the struggle. I really will. Even when it gets oh so hard. Even when I go from semi-normal food to Popsicles, ramen and crackers once again.
It's worth it. I know it is.
And when I feel frustrated about feeling miserable I almost feel guilty. I've waited so long for this, and I know so many people who desire this so deeply.
I just pray the babies continue to grow and that I can give them what they need!
Gretchen told me to keep taking the anti-nausea meds every 4-6 hours and when I run out to call, they will give me more. She told me to try crackers, canada dry ginger ale, and lemons...sniffing them, not sucking, unless I really want to...
Although last night, I took a sniff and small suck of a lemon, and less than 5 minutes later I was puking!
Oh well, I really do think ginger ale, popcicles, dry toast, ramen and crackers taste good, whew!
From peanuts to aliens...
Yesterday was our 12 week, 4 day ultra sound and appointment!
It was so nerve wracking! I have to make myself breath the few seconds before the ultra sound machine is turned on...
At first glimpse they just looked like they were laying there, as still as could be.
Fear filled me.
But then the ultra sound tech pointed out Baby A's heartbeat and I smiled! Then I saw Baby B raise his/her hand to us and I laughed!
The last ultra sound we had they both pretty much looked like little peanuts.
This time I thought they were adorable! Joel thought they looked like aliens, adorable aliens of course!
Baby B had his/her feet straight up in the air, sort of like he/she was kicking!
I think we have a future NFL kicker on our hands! And an Olympic gold medalist in Women's Gymnastics!
Ha!
Kidding! These kids are already looking amazing (doesn't every new parent say that?!)...and whatever talents they have or don't have...well, they are a true blessing and we love them just the way they are!
They are overachievers though...both measured at 13 weeks, 3 days ahead of schedule. Well, actually I think Baby B was 13 weeks and 4 days. This "ahead of schedule" thing is just fine. They are measuring within the range they should.
To top it off, Mommy had a perfect blood pressure reading, heart rate and lungs sounded great...medical history questions all answered positive where should be positive and negative where should be negative!
It was overall a great appointment! Next up is another ultra sound and check on July 2nd. I can't wait!
It was so nerve wracking! I have to make myself breath the few seconds before the ultra sound machine is turned on...
At first glimpse they just looked like they were laying there, as still as could be.
Fear filled me.
But then the ultra sound tech pointed out Baby A's heartbeat and I smiled! Then I saw Baby B raise his/her hand to us and I laughed!
The last ultra sound we had they both pretty much looked like little peanuts.
This time I thought they were adorable! Joel thought they looked like aliens, adorable aliens of course!
Baby B had his/her feet straight up in the air, sort of like he/she was kicking!
I think we have a future NFL kicker on our hands! And an Olympic gold medalist in Women's Gymnastics!
Ha!
Kidding! These kids are already looking amazing (doesn't every new parent say that?!)...and whatever talents they have or don't have...well, they are a true blessing and we love them just the way they are!
They are overachievers though...both measured at 13 weeks, 3 days ahead of schedule. Well, actually I think Baby B was 13 weeks and 4 days. This "ahead of schedule" thing is just fine. They are measuring within the range they should.
To top it off, Mommy had a perfect blood pressure reading, heart rate and lungs sounded great...medical history questions all answered positive where should be positive and negative where should be negative!
It was overall a great appointment! Next up is another ultra sound and check on July 2nd. I can't wait!
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