Joy and so much more

Let's me be real here for a moment...

I feel tired, I feel sick, I'm tired of puking and I want to feel better...I'm overwhelmed.

There, I said it.  I was honest.

A couple of weeks ago I was near a meltdown.  I felt like I was being crushed under the weight of surrealness (which I know isn't really a word, stick with me here) and being oh so overwhelmed.

The truth is, having gone through years of infertility, I thought once we received the news of our growing miracles I was only allowed to feel joy...

Which I did and do feel.  

There is just so much more to it.  There is so much to think about.  There is so much fear and exhaustion and confusion and sickness and headaches.

And joy. 

Unspeakable joy.

But the joy didn't become that, honestly, until the last ultra sound.  I think I was just too scared up to that point...but seeing the babies that day, well I was grinning from ear to ear. 

Everyone tells you that pregnancy isn't always easy, but when you're caught up in another sort of pain you don't focus on that, you focus on the miracle. 

Then when the puking starts and the clothes stop fitting and you're trying, really, to figure out how to handle this new body of yours, well...

That's when the near meltdown happened.

Add on top of that the added tears and the guilt that I'm happy when so many of my friends are still longing for their own miracle and you've really got a mountain of near meltdown!

But then I saw our babies again and we had a great appointment with Gretchen, the nurse practitioner, and the joy just kept coming!

The joy truly is boundless, the baby bump is growing, the throwing up is torturous, the exhaustion is hard to get used to, the getting ready is overwhelming, the nursery planning and the to-buy list we have created is more than we can handle most days...

But we love it all, now I just can't wait to feel the babies move and learn their gender, in less than a month!