It's go time tomorrow...

We go for round 5 tomorrow, Friday May 27. There are 3 follicles this time...there have been 3 before. It seems like a good number. This time around it sort of feels like we are going through the motions, without all of the hoping. That's probably ok. I mean, somewhere inside of us there is hope, but there is also fear that if we start dreaming about 3 babies we will be crushed again. But we'll go tomorrow and we'll pray our hearts out that those 3 follicles can be fertilized and grow. A year ago or so I actually had a real dream about us having 3 babies. But to even write that ignites fear in me. Because I can hope the dream meant it will happen, but I have hoped that before.

We've had some hormone induced freak outs this go around...well, to be honest, we have them every time. But this time it seemed more intense. Joel would even call my cleaning frenzies hormone induced! But we are making it day by day!

There will probably be some car dancing on the ride down, cuz we *heart* dancing...party style or car style! And there will be coffee and waiting and probably napping. It's actually pretty low key...we might explore the Mayo underground subway level some more and look at our favorite art work there or simply people watch near the water indoor fall. We are nervous, scared and excited all in one. Tomorrow is gonna be the day...let it be, please Jesus, let it be.

A consultation day...

Last Monday, May 9th we went for a consultation on what's next with our Mayo doctor. We thought it would be a sad day, and it sort of was. But the sun was shining bright and we left early enough to have a coffee break at Mayo before our appointment. We sat outside, sipped and ate sweet treats from a sweet friend...see picture of us eating amazing cake pops (seriously...thanks Lindsay!). We were pretty nervous going into this visit. I always get worked up about things like this. Joel was much more calm...a good balance as we took yet another step in our infertility journey.

The nurse took us back and check us in then we read old magazines and waited. The door opened and in walked...not Dr. Jensen? What? I did a double take. Who was this person. It was not our doctor. But she was very nice and introduced herself as Dr. Phoebe (something, can't remember the last name, who is a fellow of Dr. Jensen's) and then she pulled up our file. I was near tears at this point. She showed us all the follicles that have been produced and how great things looked and then she said she was sorry, they don't know why we can't get pregnant. They are as confused as we are. Then came the dreaded talk about IVF. I say dreaded because it costs so much. She did say that in the 15,000-17,000 range that is costs for us it would be 15! But, let's be real, that just isn't an option for us right now. So, with heads spinning she left the room to get Dr. Jensen.

If I was writing another post I would call it: Dr. Jensen Saves the Day! She is simply amazing. So, so kind and caring to us. The first thing she did was say how very sorry she was that we were having to be there not pregnant. Usually I start the meds on Day 3 of the cycle...but Dr. Jensen, the day saver, said...no, you can start them today, let's move everything back, let's do whatever we can to help you guys while you still live here. The next few minutes were filled with excitement and calendar counting and prescription writing and lab test ordering! Was intense.

The kindest thing, besides setting up another treatment for us, that Dr. Jensen did was tell us that her door is always open, her phone is always available...even after we move, to call anytime.

Sigh of relief, deep breath, we can do this. We have people at Mayo who care about us. Put us in coach...we're ready, bring it on!

P.s.: check out those delicious and fun looking cake pops in the pictures! If you want to know how to purchase your very own let me know!

Givin' the shot...hotel style

I have a blog post about Mayo last week and us doing the next treatment...it will be posted later when I can add pictures with it. But I still want to talk about us doing Round 5!

We started round 5 on day 5. Which meant we had to do the shot on Sunday when we were traveling. It was so darn stressful. Fertility treatments and traveling just don't go so well together, at least for us. It was so hard last month to be training it to Montana while having to do the progesterone, keep it cold, take it, etc. And though we didn't have to keep the shot cold we did have to carry it around in my purse all weekend so it didn't sit in a hot car. Ever since we broke this shot on round 2 it has been stressful. Especially this time being in Loves Park, IL miles and miles away from our pharmacy and Mayo. I was shaking, Joel was nervous. But it was time. the hardest part is getting the caps off the needles. They are stuck on pretty good and if you pull too hard the syringe breaks. It's scary. And not every pharmacy supplies fertility shots, so we knew if it broke we would be calling Mayo to cancel it all. STRESSFUL! INTENSE! SCARY! But Joel was so amazing and patient. And finally we got the second needle cap off. There were a few seconds of fear as we noticed the needle was slightly crooked...uhhhh...what happened here? Would it still work? I told Joel to just go for it, get as much as the meds in as possible. And it worked! The needled worked, the syringe worked and in just about 10 seconds our fear was gone! Phew! This sucks but it worked! We're tired of doing shots but it worked. And I keep thinking about how thankful we are that at least this one shot produces enough follicles, and we don't have to do straight horomone shots. Another step taken on this journey. We have no idea if round 5 will work and we're pretty much scared to hope. But at least we can try. Tomorrow we go to find out how many follices are growing. Then we get instructions for when to go down for procedure 5. We're ready, yet scared. But we're going for it! Please God, please, let everything mesh, fertilize, grow, create. Please.

Packing

I did something today that needed done. But probably should not have been done. I did it while Joel was writing final papers, because I knew he wouldn't stop me. Even though I did it right in front of him, he was distracted. I took all of our baby stuff...things people have given us and things we have bought with hope...and I packed it in 2 boxes. In the one filled with things people have given us I marked it "baby gifts" in the other one I marked "baby to giveaway". Then I put them in the office with the piles of other boxes I have already packed. I figured why not? Now, I know to give it all away probably isn't the best thing. But I just can't have it out, in the hope chest Grandpa made for us, waiting to be used. It's too sad. When it's in a box it can go into the top of a closet somewhere in Montana, or a storage shed and only come out if we ever need it. Having it accessible is too painful right now. Having it in a box will make it easier to giveaway if we end up not ever needing it. With sadness, I don't plan to open those boxes for a long time. It hurts too much. Because even when we think that "maybe someday" reality hits us square in the face and we don't really know if there will ever be a someday. So for now the baby stuff is ready for a moving truck. It's tucked away. The saddest part for me? Seeing the little booties Joel and I bought way back, 4 years ago, before we even decided to start trying to have a baby...we bought them with dreams of a future baby Skindlov. Now we pack with away with fear of never having that dream.

Dorothy Joy

Joel and I sponsor a little girl named Dorothy Joy through Compassion. Every so often we get a letter in the mail from her mom that has pictures on it Dorothy drew for us. Three days ago we got another letter. Here is an excerpt from it that I wanted to share:


"Melissa and Joel, may God showers His blessings to both of you. May God's grace be upon you, that you may have children. I'm always praying for your safety and for having children."

Wow, we were speechless. Someone all the way over in the Philippines is praying for us to have children. Of course we've never told her about how we've been trying for so long...we've only answered her question of do you have children with a no.

We are thankful for her willing heart and her kind spirit.

Study Break Cookie Visitors

It's hell week at our apartment. The two weeks after this one will be play weeks, but for now, not so much. We're still trying to figure out just how to deal with the negative test on Monday and Joel has something like 8 or 9 finals to do this week...or that many papers, a couple of them weren't actually finals. Seniors have deadlines for their final papers that are moved up so final grades can get in so they can graduate. That means they still have to go to classes this week, while trying to get final papers turned in. In the midst of it all we have manged to fit in quite a few study breaks...Monday it was wine break, Wednesday student vs. faculty/staff softball game and free dinner break, and last night we had cookie visitors who gave us a most delicious reprieve from the papers! Thank you JD and Lauren...yum!

It's Friday night, 2.5 papers to go! Yay Joel! You can do it!

It will be great to have the papers done...but we can't say the same about seminary. We don't deal well with change...at all. You'd think we would be pros at it by now, but nope, not even close. We're sad. And in the denial phase of seminary ending...meaning we can't think about the end and the goodbyes or we'll tear up. And we want to have fun the next two weeks, then will come the tearing up. Oh seminary journey, how we've loved you. A year into first call our brains will be confused...no moving? Ha! Wonder what that will be like!

Stories

Another Thursday post:

When I returned from lunch break today here is a conversation I had with Richard from the mail room (who was covering the desk so I could go to lunch):
R: Do you write stories?
M: (thinking to myself, um...I don't know) "I used to" I say instead...thinking of my days as editor of my campus newspaper, I wrote a lot of stories then
R: Good, keep it up

It made me chuckle inside and wonder...where did that come from? Richard and I only ever talk about work, Spokane, WA and the Oregon Coast (he vacations to both places as often as he can). Could Richard have cracked the secret code to get onto our blog? How the heck did he think to ask me if I write stories? He is not internet savvy (no offense to Richard, I just know he isn't, the poor guy, in his late 60's has a hard time looking anything up on the internet!), there is no way. But are there other stories out there I have written that he happened upon? I don't think so! It made me curious. And it was a good reminder to all of us...write your story:) People do want to read it! I promise you that! We both do! Richard might.

Another Day 1

I wrote this Thursday May 12 (but then couldn't post it til today cuz blogger was down):
I called Mayo today. Just like I always do on Day 1. This time Day 1 was 2 days later than normal. Last night and this morning we had a big long discussion about whether or not we would try to do another procedure if they would let us, before seeing the doctor on Monday, not because we don't want to, but because we have to travel to Michigan on some important days in the life of our fertility journey. It was just another way for us to find a false sense of hope. I spent a lot of yesterday thinking about the phone call, counting dates, and being angry that we have to go to a wedding in 2 weekends. Not nice, I know, but if a wedding is what stands between us and babies, forget the wedding! Well, we can't really, Joel is the best man, but believe me, I spent a lot of time yesterday trying to figure out how to forget the wedding. I thought to myself, ok, this wedding is important, it's a wedding, and the best man is important, but well, couldn't the groom find another one, if it meant we would have another chance at having babies? Aren't we and our baby endeavor more important? Well, of course not is really the answer. The right answer. Even if we go kicking and screaming and crying, we will go to that wedding.

The phone call made me cry. Standard procedure: I call desk 3A, the reproductive and fertility office, they listen to me tell them that the pregnancy test was negative and today is Day 1. Then they tell me they will let the nurses know and have one of them call me back. Within the next 30 minutes they always call me back. They always help us. This time the first lady told me she wasn't even going to tell the nurses I called. Tears. Tears. Tears. They, meaning the nurses, can't help us anymore she said. We have to see our doctor. And we will, on Day 5. The meds start on Day 3. We're sad. It's all seems so final.

I'm sorry

Joel and I say we're sorry to each other constantly in the midst of our fear and sadness. It's not really a "we blame ourselves" sort of sorry. It's more a "I wish you didn't have to go through this" sort of sorry or a "I wish I could change this for you" sort of sorry. We hold each other and we let tears fall. We're holding on scared and lost and wandering...as if it's the end of a journey we were both so certain was part of God's plan.

Wine & cheese

Last night we had wine with a side of cheese and apples with our friend Lindsay. It was just what we needed. We got to talk and vent about our failed test. A lot of times we feel bad for making family and friends listen to us. Often it's one of us telling the other that it's ok we made someone listen to us, when Joel feels bad, I talk him down and reassure him, when I feel bad he talks me down and reassures me. We know we aren't the only ones on the planet with sadness, pain and problems. And we're sorry that sometimes we act like it. Sometimes we get so caught up in our pain we forget to ask about yours. But we are oh so grateful for all of you...for taking a study break for wine, for listening, reading, hugging (both in person and over the phone and text), laughing, for texts, emails, calls...thank you. As horrible as this journey is it would be so much worse without you being there for us. So, selfishly we thank you, with humble hearts.

Tears are falling...

We've cried a lot yesterday and this morning. The tears are freely flowing. We really wanted them to be tears of joy, but they are tears of deep deep sadness. We were both so certain round 4 worked. We were convinced of it. So, when we took the test Monday morning words cannot really express the depth of sadness we found ourselves in. It feels so final.

I know, I know, it really isn't, well maybe it isn't. But right now it feels like it is. We are hopeless and sad.

We go see our doctor on Monday. We think we know what she will say, but we hope that she has more to say than only what we expect. We want to have babies. We don't understand why we can't have babies.

Yesterday at work I looked at people.com (shhh!) and saw that some star had a baby and named him "Bear" and I started crying because I was thinking how Joel and I would have way better names for a baby than that. Then I started feeling really stupid for even having a name list, we don't need a name list. We might not ever need a name list. I thought about deleting it from the computer. But I didn't...yet. I probably won't. But if anyone needs a name idea, I will gladly email you ours. We don't think we'll ever need it.

I know you might be thinking, they can always adopt, they will have babies, they can adopt. We've been down that road, we were turned down. Some day we will pursue it again. We still want that. But right now we want to be pregnant. We want something that for reasons we will never understand we cannot have. Are we mad at God? You bet we are. Will we get over that? Sure we will, probably not today, and maybe not tomorrow but one of these days, when we're ready. So much for hoping that he will overcome for us and give us that thing that seems so unreachable.
In a nut shell...this sucks (sorry Grandma for using that word!).

Trust...

We received this scripture reminder this week via email from a dear family member:

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths.

This is probably our biggest challenge, the most giant of mountains we have to climb. Lean not on our own understanding. We might not understand this journey at all, but we sure do find is easy to lean on our own plans. After 3 and a half years it's harder than ever to rely on God's plan simply because we don't know what it is. We don't know how to know what it is. And if it's about patience we're about done with that one. Isn't 3 and a half years enough? We think so. We hope so. But then we remember that it's not about our plan, it's about his, the creator of life. And we get more frustrated and more scared. It's easy to trust our plan. In trusting our plan this procedure will work. We think this Mayo stuff is God's plan, but I guess time will tell. We see, read and hear over and over again how God give us the desires of our hearts and we feel pretty forgotten.

We know he's there, yet we don't all the time believe it. We feel like he's with us, yet we don't always trust that he is listening. We hope, we seek, and we beg that he will give us something that in this moment seems unreachable and darn near impossible.

Creativity

This semester at Luther has pretty rockin' times at our house. Seriously, we have danced, rapped, broke out in song, choreographed, free-styled, laughed, made up songs and dances for and with friends, more than ever in our seminary career! It has been awesome! Actually, it's like a gift. We have some new friends this year. Not completely new because we knew them, or of them at least, our first two years. But we've gotten to know them well in the past few weeks and it's awesome. Dancing, dinner parties, truffle making, rapping, writing, etc! Sometimes both Joel and I have a hard time being ourselves around people. But not these new friends. It is so good for Joel and I's souls to be able to be inspired to be creative. I don't know if they know it, but this creative side of us isn't one that everyone gets to see! You guys bless us! I'm pretty sure you know who you are...:) Kick it thesis style. Katy Perry flash dance is coming!

The creativity gives us a much needed distraction from infertility treatments. On the way to Mayo for the last procedure as the sun was rising the song Fireworks came on the radio and we broke out into interpretive/liturgical dance, car style. Dancing, signing, rapping are some of Joel and I's favorite things to do (and drink coffee!)! It's fun, freeing and a gift! May Montana welcome and be prepared for a rap rocking pastor and his wife, ha!

Mother's Day

A friend posted this on facebook today:
"To all the women out there that want to be mothers but haven't been able to or can't, I acknowledge you!"

And when I read it I couldn't stop crying. Mother's Day, Father's Day, both so hard for us. Last year on Father's Day we sat on our couch in our living room in Williston and we cried. We were so sad. And on that day we had hoped that we would never have to have another Mother's/Father's Day without babies. But one looms tomorrow. And test day isn't until the next day. And it's pretty darn hard. I was asked at work on Friday if we had plans to celebrate mother's day...it was easy to say no because both of our mothers are miles and miles away. As I said no, on the inside all I could think about was how I really don't like that day. Please, please, Moms, more specifically Ronda and Helen, please don't be offended. We love you more than we could ever say, we are so thankful and grateful for you, and so blessed that we can call you each mom (and we even out cards to you in the mail this year...surprise, haha)! If we could see our moms tomorrow we would celebrate with them. But instead I think we will call them and then ignore the day. It's too sad for us.

Thumbs up!

It was nice and sunny today so after work we took a walk through the neighborhood. Along the way we had this conversation:

M: We don't know what Monday will bring

J: I know, *gives thumbs up sign with a big smile*

M: I sure hope so, thanks J

Here's to hoping that Monday is a thumbs up sort of day! It's hard to even wrap our minds about that...but we're hopeful right now. We're dwelling on pending joy, rather than pending devastation. We can't wait for test day, yet we wish it wasn't so close. We'll make it though, we'll kick that day, rock that day, and survive that day, this much we know for sure. It might be hard, it might be easy, but whatever that day brings, we'll give a thumbs up to life and blessings and play and we'll cry, tears of joy or tears of pain.

Another Day

You never know when emotions, tears, or overwhelmingness (I know, I think I made that word up) are gonna hit. When you walk this journey of infertility treatments your mind tells you that once you are finished taking the meds the effects are done. No more hormone induced freak outs. But that is not so...and the frustrating thing is that you never know what the day will bring. It might bring a sense of normalness and happiness. It might bring a lack of patience that we just can't understand. Or irritation that we just can't explain. Sometimes I describe it as having your very own race track inside of you and the cars are racing and racing and they never stop and the more they race the harder it gets. Before sitting down to write this I (we actually) thought to ourselves...is it ok to write about hormones or is that weird? Ok, we know it's probably weird. But when we think about this journey being recorded on the pages of this blog we don't want to forget this day. We did have a very productive morning...one paper finished, one started and finished, and an outline completed, whew! Seriously, that finished our list of classwork that needed done by Friday this week. The most frustrating part of today is how the hormones cause all these different emotions that are more or less uncontrollable. It reminds us that even now the meds are doing something to my body. Hopefully they are doing something joyful and amazing! Time will tell.

Grace

of one thing we are certain, we are filled with abundant grace. There is no other way we could still be walking this infertility journey. Another test day looms. This one looms with an aura of fear. The others did to. But this one even more so. This one is the last hurrah, the last time. There is so much riding on this one. The last three times we always had a next time. With this one, if the outcome is the same, we have a consultation with the doctor about 4 failed treatments. We really like our doctor, Dr. Jani Jensen. We've only seen her our very first time at Mayo. We will see her again. The question running through our minds is will it be because it failed or will it be because it worked?


We're terrified. We remind ourselves to keep taking deep breaths...and we tell ourselves "you will get through this". But not without grace. God is already showering us with grace we realize, and he's getting ready to shower us with the next bunch of grace, whether that be to get us through deep devastating pain or to get us through joy and excitement beyond anything we have ever imagined. When we really think about test day we only think about joy...if that isn't what happens that day, we know it will be grace that carries us for we will not be able to stand on our own.

Up to this point every appointment we have scheduled has worked so perfectly with our schedules. The one that interferes with Joel's last ethics class? The one for if it doesn't work. I hope we can cancel that one.

Anxiety

Our life is filled with one battle of anxiety after another. We are done with the "what is Montana gonna be like" anxiety. We've moved on to the "will the churches in Montana want us to come" anxiety. The "classes are ending in less than 2 weeks and so many papers are still left to write" anxiety. And the "test day will be here in less than a week" anxiety. We seem to take them all in stride. And we seem to take them together yet differently. Joel is immersed in the "classes are ending..." anxiety, I am in it to the point of stressing (a lot) for him and praying even more! This will all get done! I am immersed in the "test day will be here..." anxiety. Joel thinks about it occasionally but is too immersed in papers to dwell on it. Last night we filled our May calendar with hanging out! Completing a "lets have fun while we have time left in the twin cities together" list that we made with our friend Lindsay. It will be a whirlwind of fun and we will fit it all in! Because in the midst of the anxiety we need fun. In the midst of anxiousness the being with friends and making sweet memories dancing, eating, playing, etc. are what keep us keeping on!

I know a natural reaction for people when they are reading this is to think, they shouldn't stress, if they stress it might affect the procedure, they are supposed to stay calm, they need to let this all go. And that's ok if you think that, heck sometimes we do, but please don't. During this journey we are doing the best we can. And the stress, the tears, the joy, the playing, the fun, the laughter, the deep deep pain, they are all a part of it. They make up this journey. And seriously, I am tired of trying to figure out if eating more cinnamon and more ice cream and changing the milk I drink and running just a little more and taking just a few more deep breaths or suffering through headaches rather than take a Tylenol (even though Mayo said I could) would change the outcomes. I am tired of it all! I want positive results. And I'm pretty sure that whether I eat cinnamon or not or run or not, God will not hold those things against us and he will still create life, if he chooses to, if he chooses to. And though we are tired of it all, we are not tired of the fight. We want babies and we will keep on doing everything that we can to received such a blessing. And we'll keep on begging God, not only for the gift of life, but for endurance, understanding, love and grace.

Superliner Roomette with a side of train friends!

What? You call this a room? We thought we were getting a room! We stepped onto the train about 10:50pm Thursday night in St. Paul. We were loaded down with luggage (too much if we were honest with ourselves). We were on the way to get a glimpse into our potential future. We were on the way to Havre, MT. We reserved a superliner roomette. It turned out there was nothing super about it! Except it was super small. We knew it would be small, but we thought there would at least be room to set our suitcases on the floor...but nope! It was bunks with a door and curtain. The bottom bunk folded up into chairs during the day. The top bunk could be put up also, but ours could not be because it was full of our suitcases! It was late, we were tired, overwhelmed, nervous, and had chicken strips from Legends (that we stopped off at before going to the train station to see friends)to eat! We finally got all of our luggage into the "room" and took a few minutes to eat and be in awe over the size of the small thing we were sitting in then we started moving. Here we go! So so so surreal. Words cannot describe just how surreal it was.

I don't want to say only bad things about this little room though (we do want you all to come visit us in MT...via plane, train or automobile!). Sure, it shocked us at first. But the next morning, as we woke to a glorious North Dakota sunset, and heard the first announcements for breakfast things started looking up. Then we put the little bed into two chairs and we had sitting room! And all we could drink fresh coffee, juice and bottled water...you can't beat that, to buy this stuff from the train cart is expensive. It was finally "arriving in Montana" day. A day we had anticipated for a while...so with nerves running high we listened to another breakfast announcement and we were off...to make new train friends...!

When you get a superliner roomette, or any room on the train, your meals are included in the cost. On the train you eat with other passengers, unless you have your own party of 4. At breakfast Joel and I sat next to each other, as directed, and our new friends across from us. It was the morning of our 5th wedding anniversary and they shared that they had been married for 52 years! Wow! Wonderful! They were quite chatty and interesting to talk to. They hail from Willmar, MN where they make over a 100 dozen jars of jam for farmers markets in the area each year! The guy, James, shared that when he was a teenager he was stocking shelves at the local grocery store for 50cents an hour when one of his coworkers one day said "the navy is coming to town, I'm going to visit them, do you want to come?" "Sure" James said and off they went. Within a couple of hours he had quit work, joined the navy and was on his way to Duluth, MN with the recruiter then the next day on a bus to Michigan to begin basic training! Fascinating! We talked with them for over an hour. Then we stopped by their roomette after lunch to visit some more (we had lunch with a retired amtrak worker and his wife from Portland Oregon, we also sat with them at the afternoon wine and cheese tasting!).

We knew as we stepped off the train in Havre that all of our new friends, who we'd probably never seen again, and who we didn't say goodbye to, were thinking about us and wishing us well!


Pics: Joel in the superliner roomette (we were trying to capture the smallness of it) and then the pic of us is our anniversary pic...on the train!

Easter!

I have written a few blog posts the past week or two but haven't posted them until now...our internet at home wasn't working, then the neighbors gave us access to their wireless but then is was time to get on a train with no internet and then the internet at our hotel was not very fast! So here is one about Easter that I wrote the day we left for Montana:

Our Easter morning began with more lemon pull-a-part bread over a cup of coffee. Then a couple of hours later we walked to Easter breakfast at church. That was an interesting experience. We’ve never eaten a meal at this church, though we have attended the services several times the past few months. We found our way to the breakfast happenings only to be confused…where was the food? Were we too late? We finally found the food but no silverware…they were serving eggs Benedict…you must have silverware to eat eggs Benedict! Joel ended up in the kitchen rummaging through drawers to find a spoon to eat his eggs Benedict! Church was great! Alleluia filled!

On the Easter dinner menu at our house:
Potato casserole, ham, green beans, fruit, homemade rolls and for dessert…bunny cake!

It was all delicious.

After dinner we did laundry…which was actually a really good thing because it was so quiet in the laundry room and all the machines were open. And it had to be done before the trek to Montana tonight!

One more trip to the coffee shop for blogging and homework posting and our day was restful and complete. Oh and Saturday night, in preparation for Easter, we cracked kinder eggs! Yep! What fun! We each cracked one…a homemade one! What’s a kinder egg you may wonder (or not)? Well, our friend Lindsay carefully took off the top of an egg shell, removed the egg inside, cleaned and sterilized the shell, then dyed them pretty colors. In came us…she invited us over to then create! You pour melted chocolate inside the shell and shake it, roll it or do whatever action you can to get the chocolate to coat the inside of the egg. Then you let it harden and you can add another layer of chocolate if you want (milk then white chocolate or vice versa). Once the inside has hardened you fill it with candy…gummy worms, nerd jelly beans, chocolate eggs, etc. Then you seal it off with a piece of chocolate (stuck on with some melted chocolate), let it sit for a while and crack! These are really big in England…in fact years ago, like over 10 years ago, when Sarah and I flew over to spend Jenn’s last week with her there, I remember cracking kinder eggs filled with little surprise toys! We couldn’t go home to be with family like we thought about doing (then were glad we canceled that thought…sorry family, but it was so good to be here to do another fertility treatment!) but overall we had a delightful Easter 2011!

Pictures: (in no particular order, cuz I never know the order until they are posted!) lemon pull-a-part bread, Easter dinner, cracking kinder eggs, bunny cake!

A Prayer Shawl

A couple of months ago Joel told me, or rather hinted that he was up to a surprise for me. Of course I asked a lot of questions but did not get a lot of answers. I only knew that Helen, his mom, was helping and that it would arrive sometime around Easter. The timing could not have been more perfect. The day before we were set to go for the scan to see how well the meds worked a box arrived at our door. In the box was a beautiful prayer shawl knit and filled with prayer. It’s purple with some red, yellow, blue and orange woven through and it’s very soft. It went to Mayo with us on the Monday of procedure day. It sat on my lap with the chocolate blue bunny on our drive down, I wore it around my shoulders as we walked around outside and I laid it over me as we waited for the 20 minutes after the procedure before I could get up. We felt the spirit of Jesus and we felt covered in prayer. It was a blessed Easter Monday.

The pictures are of the sunset on the drive down, walking around Mayo (with the prayer shawl), and the chocolate blue bunny and prayer shawl.