Another Day 1

I wrote this Thursday May 12 (but then couldn't post it til today cuz blogger was down):
I called Mayo today. Just like I always do on Day 1. This time Day 1 was 2 days later than normal. Last night and this morning we had a big long discussion about whether or not we would try to do another procedure if they would let us, before seeing the doctor on Monday, not because we don't want to, but because we have to travel to Michigan on some important days in the life of our fertility journey. It was just another way for us to find a false sense of hope. I spent a lot of yesterday thinking about the phone call, counting dates, and being angry that we have to go to a wedding in 2 weekends. Not nice, I know, but if a wedding is what stands between us and babies, forget the wedding! Well, we can't really, Joel is the best man, but believe me, I spent a lot of time yesterday trying to figure out how to forget the wedding. I thought to myself, ok, this wedding is important, it's a wedding, and the best man is important, but well, couldn't the groom find another one, if it meant we would have another chance at having babies? Aren't we and our baby endeavor more important? Well, of course not is really the answer. The right answer. Even if we go kicking and screaming and crying, we will go to that wedding.

The phone call made me cry. Standard procedure: I call desk 3A, the reproductive and fertility office, they listen to me tell them that the pregnancy test was negative and today is Day 1. Then they tell me they will let the nurses know and have one of them call me back. Within the next 30 minutes they always call me back. They always help us. This time the first lady told me she wasn't even going to tell the nurses I called. Tears. Tears. Tears. They, meaning the nurses, can't help us anymore she said. We have to see our doctor. And we will, on Day 5. The meds start on Day 3. We're sad. It's all seems so final.