Good news

Dr. Shomento called me the day after transfer with good news...

Three of our embryos became blastocytes over night Tuesday and Wednesday morning they were frozen!  Ready to be transferred to the storage place in Florida!

This is a miracle.  I thought there would be maybe 1 that would make it...but three?

Tuesday night, finally home, I had a dream that there were 3...

But even as I woke up thinking about the dream, I still thought 1 maybe 2.

I didn't have to wonder for long...she called me around 10:30 that morning. 

Wow, the wonders of the miracle of life are continuing to wow us.

The operating room...

As we waited to be taken down to the transfer room, which was the same operating room I was in for retrieval day, both Julia and Dr. Shomento were near by.

They laughed with us as I wrote the wrong date on a consent form...they chatted, they made us feel at peace.  They shared their hopefulness with us.  Lots of smiles where shared. 

We were waiting for the go ahead, and as we waited they brought Joel his transfer room get-up!

They let me take a picture of them all "geared up"!

It was finally time for the walk...Julia took us this time, and I was so happy Joel was allowed to come!!

I was still considered a "fall risk", hence the rubber soled socks.

The room was not as intimidating this time, there were less people.  Just Julia, Joel and I to begin with!  I laid on the same bed.  But this time I was able to stay awake for the entire thing.

Soon entered Dr. Shomento and Dr. Monteville, the other fertility specialist with the Billings Clinic, he serves patients in Billings and to the east and south...

He brought his ipod!  They asked for music requests...it was pretty cool!

We all decided on "easy listening".  We heard some Amos Lee, and maybe some others.

A person from the lab came in to have me identify myself and our lab dishes with the embryos...

Dr. Monteville who was also very kind, had the job of keeping the ultra sound wand pointed at my bladder, to assure a smooth transfer!

We watched on the screen as Dr. Shomento gathered the 2 embryos into the catheter that would transfer them into me...

"Your embryos are beautiful," Dr. Monteville said as he watched the screen with us.

I mean, to say we were in awe is an understatement...

We were watching a miracle in the works.  

On another screen Julia and Dr. Monteville described the scene as Dr. Shomento did the transfer...we would not have known what we were looking at without their help!

Within minutes it was over...I had to slide over to the recovery bed then Julia and Joel rolled me down the hall...

30 minutes of resting.

Dr. Shomento visited us in recovery with a picture of the 2 embryos they transferred and the other ones, including the ones that just might make it through the night and be able to be frozen for, hopefully future siblings of the ones transferred into me!

What a day!

Our Nurse Julia, Dr. Shomento and Joel!

Me during my 30 minutes of rest, post transfer

The big day...

It was a day I will never forget...I am still reveling in it.  It was beautiful.  The sun was shining, miracles were happening...

I woke early to sip a little bit of coffee and blog.  Then we met Jim and Helen downstairs for breakfast, and finished packing our cars.  The goal: leave by 8am to arrive by 8:30, we were 10 minutes away!

At check out when they asked me how our stay was and I answered, "alright" they asked what they could have done differently...I told them about the noise.  Helen came in and told them about the noise.  They took a night off of both our bills!


We arrived at the surgery center right on time.  Me drinking water like never before, seriously.  I was sort of anxious that I wouldn't get my bladder full enough.

Joel and I checked in and had a seat.  Jim and Helen waited in the waiting room with us, for us. 

We were called back and the nurse asked if I wanted a vallium...they wanted me relaxed...um...I was hesitant, but she said the doctor approved it. 

"I'm feeling pretty nervous and anxious," I said, "so yes, I guess." 

Back into the purple gown I went with gray rubber bottomed no slip socks covering my still painted toes, I now have 2 pairs of these no slip socks!  Hospital band around my wrist, heart rate and blood pressure checked...

Dr. Shomento came in then...she had looked at my heart rate and said, "you're excited to be here today, which is why we give you the vallium!"

Then a huge moment...

She put before us a picture of our embryos, complete with a report...

1 leader.

2 strong ones close behind it. 

And 7 others, developing, but not as quickly or strongly. 

A decision.  The decision of our lives.  How many to implant...

All along we both thought 2...the question was either 1 or 2.  She was slightly worried about us having twins in Big Sandy but then she assured me there are specialist she can refer us to in Great Falls.

We looked at each other.  We sputtered out words, we asked questions...

What to do? 

What to do?

Dr. Shomento left us to discuss it with a, "I'm fine either way."

The decision of our lives...

Back and forth we wondered.  Then, we decided 2...

We told the Dr. and she went to tell the embryologist to get 2 of them ready...

In that moment I remember thinking, wow, Kelly, the embryologist in the lab down the hall, is selecting what will hopefully be our future children...I wondered which 2 she would select, I knew the leader and one of the other strong 2, but I wondered what they would be like, and what their sex would be.

Not wanting to make this much longer, please join me in my next post as we venture to the operating room...

Rise and Shine...

It's transfer day! 

I feel as if we are swimming in a reservoir of grace...

Of joy...

Of hope...

Of excitement...

Of nervousness...

Of fear...

Of peace...

We are surrounded by it, we are wrapped in it...by The One who loves us most.

Tears are falling.  The Holy Spirit is present.  We are journeying on the moment of our lives...

It's as if words cannot describe the moment...In an hour and 15 minutes we will leave for the surgery center, way too early, but just in case...we will take a ride that could, we pray, forever change our lives.

The embryo report, the transfer, instructions from our doctor, me with a FULL BLADDER to help the transfer go the best it can, all await us.

Tears are falling.  Grace surrounds us.  

Medication mishap

Up until today I have not called Dr. Shomento on her cell phone.  I have called Julia's direct line at work, but never the doctor. 

Until about 5 minutes ago.  Part of this journey involves a pill that I started on Saturday and take until Tuesday, just 4 days.  I have to take it with food which is sort of a pain because I have 2 other pills I have to take with food...all 3 of them I take in the morning and the evening.

Well, I was getting ready to take my pill tonight and I realized there were a lot left in the bottle, way more than should be.  I read the label closer...gasp...I think I am supposed to be taking 2 each time, so 4 total. 

Speed dial Dr. Shomento!

She confirmed what I feared...4 a day.  Ugh!  Of course my heart is racing at this point, what have I done? 

But then she told me to start taking 2 each time for the rest of the days it says to on my calendar, then do not take the rest of them that I missed.  "Some programs do not use this medicine," she said, "do not lose even a minute of sleep over this."

Whew!

She went on to say that things with our embryos are looking great, she is really excited.  Tomorrow will be day 4 for the embryos...it's a big day for them, a giant transition can happen, so they do not open the incubator or look at them at all...

Translation...lets pray, a lot!  Day 4 is a big day for them!   It's a huge day in this process.  I'm now doubly glad I called her, one so she could straighten me out about the medicine, and two so I would know tomorrow is such a big moment and can pray, pray, pray...not that we haven't been already!

Tuesday morning she will open the incubator and we will talk about the embryos, which ones to implant, and how they all fared the past few days in lab land!

Hotels

I am starting to get tired of hotel rooms.  I really liked the room in Bozeman.  Then the first room we stayed in once arriving in Billings was pretty nice, I slept well there...but the room we are in now in Billings I do not like.

It looks nice, but it smells like organic wasabi peas, or something like that.

I don't want it to smell like anything.  I barely slept last night.  People were in the pool below our room until 12am, being very noisy.  Then the noise continued.  I was not happy. 

I want to sleep.  I want to be ready for transfer day by being rested.  And I don't really like the breakfast here, they don't really cater to lactose intolerant/not able to eat eggs people.

I was ready to move this morning.  I was pretty upset.  I do not want this hotel affecting our journey...

But then when I looked up to see if the hotel we had to move from (I couldn't find any in Billings we could stay in the entire time, there is a lot going on here this weekend) had rooms, they didn't.

Sigh.

We'll stay here and I'll, well, I don't know, but I will find a way to rest.  

I'm ready to go home.

Transfer Day

Yesterday Dr. Shomento called, twice actually.  She had been in the lab to peek at our embryos and said we are definitely a day 5 transfer!

This in itself is a miracle...

I can't always explain why really, but it is...it gives the embryos an extra two days in the lab to grow and be even more ready to be implanted!

She said, "I'm pleased as punch with how things are going."  That's a nice thing to hear your doctor say!

When she asked how I was feeling I told her bloated, uncomfortable, and a little pain...

Her response was, "remember it is sweat pant city for the next several weeks..."

I'm kind of still trying to get used to this.  I mean, I love wearing sweatpants, ultra comfty living!  But I am still trying to wrap my mind around it being ok to dress like this.

I was supposed to weigh myself every day after retrieval and I had been forgetting to do that...she assured me she wasn't worried about my health or my ovaries being over stimluated...

When she called later in the day to confirm transfer times she told me that my ovaries are giant and bruised because she poked them with a needle to get the eggs!  So, uncomfortableness is the name of the game...

I've said it a million, trillion, billion times...but it's all worth it, of course.

This morning I received a text from Dr. Shomento that said: Embryos look great this a.m..  

Miracles are happening in the lab, we pray they keep on happening!

Tuesday at 9am Montana time is the big event.  Dr. Shomento is hopeful, we're hopeful.

Retrieval Day cont...

Joel was at my side in recovery when came Dr. Shomento came in...

She said she harvested 10 eggs...an average number, not bad, not grand, average but good.

I was sort of sad when I heard that.  I was still groggy but I wanted more eggs.  I thought all along there would be  more...

She assured us she was hopeful and that things went well...

She gave us calendar instructions, but I was still groggy, so she said she was planning to call me later that day to talk about things!

My pain got worse in recovery, the nurse gave me pain meds and told me that my pain had to be a 4 (on the pain scale, you know the one with little faces that describe the levels of pain) or below before they would let me go.

She brought me crackers, apple juice, water and a 7-up.  Joel fed me and gave me sips.

An hour later they moved me to a chair.  I was given a warm blanket to wrap up in.  Dr. Shomento came back in to visit.  She is so caring.  

Dr. Warren stopped by to see how I was doing, and if what he gave me had made me nauseous...not at all, thankfully.

Once we were back in our hotel it was time for lots of rest.  I was trying to process all the emotions involved with this, and determined that it was near impossible...in a lab down the street a miracle was possibly happening...I was nervous.  I wanted to cry.  I was scared.  I was in a lot of pain.

This morning around 9:30 Dr. Shomento called...guess what?  9 of our 10 eggs fertilized!

This is a miracle!  This is a miracle!  It's better than what they expected, she said!  Usually not that many fertilize!  We have a miracle on our hands...

6 fertilized the conventional way, 3 using assistance by the embryologist (a process called ICSI)!

And now we wait...on day 2, Saturday, the embryos are left in the lab, they do not look at them.  On Day 3 they see how they are doing then determine if they will transfer them into me on Day 3, Sunday, or Day 5, Tuesday...we're hoping and praying for a Day 5 transfer...

It just means that the embryos are looking great and can continue to mature an extra 2 days. 

I'm not even sure how to begin to process...I just know we are desperately hoping for a miracle that is already in the works to be fulfilled and that our empty arms will finally be full of a miracle. 

Retrieval Day

Last night, as I sat in our hotel room, having taken a pain pill, thinking non-stop about retrieval day, I wasn't even sure how to put it into words...

So much excitement, so many nerves, and in the midst of it all an operating room, a doctor and nurse who care so much...and fear.

Yep, fear.

You see, as we sat in the waiting room of the Billings Clinic Surgery Center yesterday waiting to be called back, fear came.  It all became so real, so very very real. And what if it didn't work?

Nurse Lisa came to get us.  She was so kind.  I was hoping for kind!  She took us to a staging room, I was instructed to put on a hospital gown and special socks with a rubber sole for walking to the operating room.

I must insert here that the night before I had painted my toe nails Aruba Blue with silver sparkles in preparation for surgery day!  No one saw my toes but me:)

Nurse Lisa asked if I wanted hot air pumped into my gown...why of course!  She told us she was so excited for us.  She loves this part of her job...helping the IVF patients every other month.  We told her part of our story.

She took Joel to his appointment and started my IV.  I do not  like IV's.  She offered me TV and a magazine, I took both.  I thought, why not!  I watched the trivia part of Live with Kelly before Dr. Shomento came to visit me...

She told me she wanted Joel to pray for the team, even though she knew he already was!  He did not get to go to the operating room with us, or say a prayer in her presence, but he was praying!

Then Dr. Warren, the anesthesia guy, came to visit me.  He was so kind.  He explained to me what he would do.

Then another nurse came in, her job was to walk me and my IV down to the operating room...

I was scared!  I felt alone.  On the way the new nurse asked me if i was excited or nervous or both.  I said both!

The operating room was a real live operating room.  It was big and full of people working.  The best moment came when I heard a, "Hi Melissa."  It was Julia!  Julia came!  I was hoping she would be there.  I wanted to hug her but I was instructed to lay down on the table.  I felt a peace knowing Julia was there helping, she was familiar! 

The embryologist came in while they were hooking me to monitors to have me identify our embryo dishes.  A nurse also asked me to identify myself.  They are really careful here!

The last thing I remember was Dr. Warren saying something like he wasn't sure I could feel that he had given me anything, and then I was out.

I woke up slowly, with eyes still closed, to nurse Miranda asking me if she should go get Joel...yes, then she asked if I was in pain, yes, how bad?...a 6.

While my eyes were still closed I remember hearing someone say, "10 eggs" and I remember thinking, that's not me, I had more eggs than that...

Trigger Shot

Here is what I tweeted as we were trying to get all of the trigger shot meds into the syringe, after mixing it:

"The trigger shot is just awful, we can't get all the meds out of the vile, I'm praying while I try not to cry.:("

I tweeted mostly to distract myself.

I was praying, A LOT.  I was so scared.  I was begging God for help...

It's the most nerve wracking thing ever...we do all the shots, have all the ultra sounds, and the blood draw and this shot is what brings it all together into a sucessful retrieval...

In the moment it was just awful.

And you know what?  We did the shot 10 minutes late.  We did not anticipate this kind of trouble.

But guess what?  It was time...I was so scared.  Joel injected me and I felt a little poke then I felt nothing.  And the needle is 1 and a 1/2 inches long...I was bracing myself for horror...I felt nothing.  I didn't even know he had done it.  When he said he was done I said, "That was Jesus."  It had to be Him who orchestrated that shot...

As soon as it was over and I sat down, well, that's a different story.  It hurts!  (this shot is in the upper outer quadrant of my behind!).

But as I have said before, this is all so worth it.

Oh and we were playing "Eye of the Tiger" in the background the whole time to help us both get hyped up!

Tomorrow is a goof off/I don't have to be a human pin cushion (words from my doctor) day!

Billings Bound!

For clarification, we've been in Bozeman.  Tomorrow we are Billings bound!  Our doctor is in Bozeman, with the Billings Clinic.  She is 1of 2 fertility specialist with the Billings Clinic.  Billings, at the surgery center, is where we have the egg retrieval and transfer...

We just saw a commercial on TV full of babies and our doctor...it's an add for Bozeman OB/GYN.  She is trying her best to provide us with a miracle baby. 

We love our doctor.

Now for the "exciting what this post is really about" news...

Egg retrieval is on Thursday at 10:15am, Montana time.  We have to be at the surgery center at 9:15am.  If we can't find it Dr. Shomento said to just call her cell phone!

It's time!  It's time!  It's time!  Tears of joy are freely flowing.

I cannot believe we are at this moment.  Will you join us in prayer?  I know, we've asked that of you so many times the past few years.  But it's coming down to this moment, and many moments after when the eggs are being fertilized and ready for implanting back into me!  

Tonight is trigger shot night.  It's the MEGA shot and we're scared!  I made a mistake and looked at the needle a few minutes ago.  Not a good idea.  But, like all the other ones, we'll do it.  It might not be easy, especially for Joel the shot giver, but we'll do it, at exactly 11:15pm, our scheduled time.  This shot triggers ovulation, it's done about 36 hours before retrieval.

Tomorrow we'll pack our bags and head east.  Hoping and praying for our miracle, for our dream come true, for our Jesus to be there, to bless us, hold us, and guide the hands of the doctor, nurse and embryologist. 

A day behind

I went back to the doctor yesterday.

My friend Ellie was been here visiting this weekend and she drove me there.

We were greeted by Dr. Shomento with a "Welcome to Sunday morning here."

That place is so friendly!

The ultra sound showed that the follicles continue to grow, but they are not quite where we want them.  I was sort of of worried about that, well a lot worried.  But after the scan I met with the doctor to go over retrieval day and she assured me that I need not worry.

I still do a tiny bit.  I asked her if there was a chance they would stop growing, and not get mature enough to be fertilized...she said no. 

Deep breath.

Later in the day she called with blood draw results.  My estrogen level is still on the rise.

But with how things look, we take an extra day of stimulating shots today, then go back in tomorrow morning, with the hopes of everything being ready for trigger shot tomorrow, Tuesday, night and retrieval Thursday morning.  The calendar has it scheduled for Wednesday.  I asked her about that also, she said that probably none of us will end up with retrieval on Wednesday, since that is the day they put it on our calendars!  She also said that because I am "young and healthy" I will stimulate slower that someone older.  We just have to keep praying and keep trusting her and her caring team.

I don't think we have enough meds to go days than today on the stimulating shots.

It's all so nerve wracking.  And oh have I mentioned that as my ovaries grow due to this stimulating that I get more and more and more bloated?  Ugh!

It's worth it of course, all the discomfort.  The doctor said yesterday that it is a good thing that my right ovary isn't as full as my left one or I wouldn't be able to walk I would be so uncomfortable.

Isn't this all weird?  It feels weird and sounds weird to me!  And it makes me very sleepy.  I just want a nap now (& I never nap), but we're going to go hang out at a local coffee shop for a while, in the midst of the winter wonderland here...I think the snow here is the most we've seen all winter!

One more thing she said yesterday, "we could put your uterus in a text book it looks so nice..."!  

Confession time

Going in to this I was convinced that my ovaries would over stimulate.  I was convinced they would be super ovaries and be ready way before they were supposed to be.

Not a good thing, both that I had myself convinced of this, and that the ovaries would do that.

Daily reminder: take deep breaths.

Instead, my ovaries are moving along at a nice pace, doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. 

With that said, the schedule may be changing slightly.  Or a lot. 

The doctor said today that retrieval might be moved back a day,

Ok, I did not expect that at all!

But on this journey, you take it as it comes.  It's sort of comical that I was so worked up about the mega shot being when Joel was back in Big Sandy for the weekend, or retrieval being, because of super ovaries, on Sunday the 18th when we scheduled for him to be at church.

Oh goodness.  None of this is happening.  Instead, the journey is prolonged...

And Joel will be here to give  me the mega shot and for every other giant step we take!

Yahoo!  

More monitoring

This morning we had another appoitnment.  At this stage of IVF this is what we do:
ultra sound, blood draw to check estrogen level, readjust meds, schedule next appt in 2 days.

The blood draw and ultra sound happen at the appointment.  Then I wait for the doctor to call with dosage and time for Sunday morning.

During the ultra sound she said, "we could not make this look any better."

The follicles are growing and the uterus lining is looking just like it should.

"Have you noticed a difference in how you feel since I increased the dosage of the one medicine on Wednesday?" she asked.

"No, not really, I'm just really bloated," I said.

That got her excited!  That's what they want!  And it will keep on getting worse.  Oh great I thought to myself!

I said, "I give myself permission to wear sweat pants," and the doctor and the PA both agreed wholeheartedly!  They even said everyone switches to sweats at this point!  The PA added that they hope this bloating goes straight into 9 months of bloating from success!

My left ovary is a work horse, they said.  Then the doctor added that I would start really feeling the left ovary soon, and the bloating will continue.

The doc said we might end up doing retrieval on the 22nd instead of 21st.  I go back Sunday morning at 9:30am for more checking.  The shot dosage stays the same.

We take this journey one day at a time. 

Monitoring day...

Today was our first check since starting the stimulating shots on Saturday night.

Of course, because it's what I do, I was sort of worked up over it!  My worries this time were:

That my super filled-up ovaries would quickly over stimulate and the ovulation trigger shot, the MEGA one, would be Saturday night, when Joel would not be here, and retrieval would be Monday, or Sunday...

I'm telling you, I thought of it all!

Joel has to be at church on Sunday...I did not want to have to make an emergency call to tell people that oops, my ovaries didn't cooperate!

But...

Worry for no reason.  I don't know when I'll learn!

The ultra sound and blood draw today showed that follicles are starting to grow and that my estrogen level is on the rise.  Both of these are what we want!  The doctor increased my dosage of the gonal f stimulating shot.  And she assured us that we are indeed doing the other night shot correct.

She said, "I'm excited things are looking so good".  More tears of course.

While at the appointment she asked me how I was feeling.  She said that on these medicines people usually feel pretty good.  I do not feel short tempered, which Joel appreciates!  I just feel emotional.  Which I know has to do with the hormones, but it also has to do with this giant step we're taking.  I also feel like I need family close, and they are, whether it's through the phone or here. 

Now, it's time to kick back, wait for the alarm that reminds us to do shots tonight, and watch American Idol, and then of course vote!  And sleep.  Tomorrow is more shots.

Hugs

Yesterday I went to Havre for Lent service.  I almost didn't drive up because I had house cleaning to do before we left.  But I thought to myself, "no, I need to go, it's Holden Evening Prayer and I need that before we leave in the morning..."

And I'm so glad I went.  It was a hug filled trip.  People wrapping their arms around us, saying they are praying.  *Tears*

Have I mentioned how emotional this journey is?  I feel like these hormones make me cry way more than they make me feel like I'm off my rocker!

All week, people at both churches, a preschool mom who knows our story, family and friends near and far, a "twitter friend" who is doing the same thing we are, have all offered their love, support, prayers and hugs.

And we feel it.  Greatly.  We know that even those of you who want to be with us but can't are with us in spirit.  We feel loved. 

And it brings tears of support, tears of overwhelming joy and hope.  We feel hugged.  And we thank you for it. 

I'm actually crying while I write this because it's all so overwhelming...when we left the house this morning, for the next 12 days, it was so emotional really thinking about what we are doing and what it could lead to.  More miles on this journey towards a miracle.  We have such hope as we pray, "please God, give us our miracle".

Shot giving at its worse

Last night's shot giving was terrible.  We both nearly had a meltdown. 

The first shot, the easiest one, stung when Joel poked me...I jumped.  He jumped.

Deep breath.  Some melt down.  Then, a successful stick.

Whew.

But then came the second one again.

We got really confused.  We set it up properly.  But we still didn't know if we were doing the dosage right. 

We went ahead and he gave me the shot.  It's terrible though.  It hurts.  And it hurts Joel to hurt me.  It's terrible.

Then we looked up online videos and sites given to us by the doctor to try and get some answers...are we giving the right dosage?

We knew we were giving me the right amount of medicine, one 75u vile, but we didn't know if we were diluting it correctly.  The wesbites didn't help.  They all said that usually 1 vile is mixed with 1mL of fluid, but to check with what our doctor prescribed. 

I stressed about it for a long while before realizing that I needed to let it go.  I did not want to loose sleep over this. 

Our alarm woke us this morning in time for morning shot.  Then I called the pharmacy.  The pharmacist I talked to was so helpful!  He answered all of our questions and assured us we are ok! 

Whew.  Round 3 tonight. 

A dose of intensity

Things here were intense last night.  I had a headache all day, it was time for 2 new shots (night time ones), and the darn time change (this morning was rough).

As 9pm grew closer we found ourselves humming renditions of "eye of the tiger" and "put me in coach" to pump ourselves up for more shot giving.

We're pretty much mastered the morning shot.  I think I've said it before, but it is mixed up already and we don't have to switch needles.

The evening ones were different.  We were anxious and nervous!  I kept telling Joel, who of course is the one doing everything, I just have to cheer, encourage and be sticked (I think he gets the short end of the deal...), he he could do it!  Cheer I did.   

Adrenaline was running high.

I heard myself saying over and over again, "take a deep breath, we have extras of everything."

But it was still intense.

The first one, gonal f, was actually pretty easy it turns out.  And now we have it mixed up for the next couple of times.

The second one has to be mixed up every time.  Each night an entire vile of medicine goes into me with just this one shot.  It was pretty confusing reading the dosage and the amounts on the syringe and figuring out how much to mix.  We were given full page colored intructions with pictures...half way through we realized we were doing it wrong...

Deep breath.

Start that part over.  There are extras of everything. 

Whew, we figured it out.  Without having to go to the you tube video we were told about! 

The worst part, was these 2 needles were bigger.  It was hard for Joel to stick me, and it was painful. 

All in all, it was a relief.  We've done it once, now bring on the other 9 or so times we have to do it. 

The worst shot of all, the giant one, I'm not kidding, it's giant, it still yet to come. 

Early Wednesday morning we are Bozeman bound.  We're hoping, praying, and trying not to be scared...we want this part of our journey to give us our miracle. 

Baseline ultra sound...

On Friday I had a baseline ultra sound and blood work done in Bozeman. 

The doctor said my ovaries were lovely.  Her P.A. Christine agreed!  We met Christine for the first time on this visit.  She wanted to meet us because as it gets closer to retrieval in Billings, Dr. Shomento will go there.  For the patients who still need monitored in Bozeman, Christine will handle that.

To say this is overwhelming is an understatement.

But back to the ultra sound.  The shots we started February 29th have been "putting everything to sleep", as the doctor described it.  The ultra sound showed that it worked perfectly.  My ovaries, uterus, and estrogen levels are right where they need to be.

Dr. Shomento said again, "you guys are truly in the unexplained category." 

She counted at least 38 follicles in my ovaries, 20 on the left, at least 18 on the right...

This could be a problem, sort of.  We do not want 38 follicles harvested and fertilized.  The way she put it, my ovaries are getting ready to have a party, and we don't really want them to!

So, she changed the dosage of the gonal f stimulation medicine.  She lowered it.

We go back for another ultra sound and more blood work to test my estrogen levels on the 14th at 10:45am.  At this point I will need to stay down there maybe until the 26th.  It all depends on how my body responds.  

We're pretty, um, wowed that is is happening so fast, scared, and um, ready.

preschool update...

Just wanted to write a quick update about the little boy who can't come anymore.

He is in a receiving home.  I'm not sure what that is, but the lady I was talking to said it must be like a foster home.

There is a family here in Big Sandy who wants to adopt him!  I want that!  It would be a miracle.

There are a lot of hoops for this family to go through.  And there is a lot more to this story, lots of issues...

And it all needs a lot of prayer.  So, if you think about this little boy, please pray for him.  Please pray for the family that wants him.  Please pray for the state as they work with this family, and his family (both the ones he was with and the ones he belonged to but wasn't with)...it could be a long journey.  But hope reigns!

Phones and doctors

I'll say it again, even though I've said it a million times before, I get nervous when I have to call the doctor/nurse.

On my calendar today it said to call the office with Day 1.  It said the same thing for tomorrow.  I didn't think there was a chance, even a little one, that I would have to call today.

But I did.  And it took me 3 hours to work up the courage.  I called Julia's direct work line.  I realized right away that I could just be myself.  I told her I thought I should call her today (sometimes this is all really confusing).  She chuckled...not in a mean way...in a "I get it and it's great that you called" sort of way. 

Sometimes it just takes a little chuckle to make one feel a whole lot better.

And lets face it, these people know the details of my life, I might as well just share what they tell me to share when they tell me to! 

We're headed back to Bozeman this afternoon for an appointment tomorrow...baseline ultra sound time.  And more blood draw. 

I'm starting to get a little overwhelmed by all of the needles in my life...there are bruises and marks on my tummy, and we haven't even started the 3 a day shots...bruises on my arm for blood draws...it's all so emotional and overwhelming.  I feel on the verge of a melt down.  But I'm not there yet! 

It's time to pack the car and head south.  First stop: Starbucks:)

coffee shop tunes

Monday night we took a break to go to the local coffee shop to listen to an out of town band.  The key boardist is from Big Sandy.  They are based out of Washington State.  They stopped by en route to another show to help raise money for the Big Sandy High music program. 

It was awesome.  Great music, great atmosphere.  They played alternative rock, blues and country.  A really cool mix.  Young and old turned out to listen to Cody Beebe & The Crooks! 

We hope they come back sometime soon.

We listened, we clapped along, and we relaxed.

We were thankful for the opportunity to not work on a bulletin or sermon.

circle of life

As we walk through this week, we're covered in grace.  Free flowing abundant grace.

We shed tears with families in mourning.  We fight emotions from shots put into me. 

I'm overwhelmed.  It's just one of those days.  So much to do.  And so much going on in me.  I started to feel the emotions of all of this IVF stuff today.  Shots, cycle dates, pills, calling the nurse, trips to Bozeman, preparing to be gone for a few days, preparing for a preschool sub (so much more work that actually teaching it myself!)...

It's happening fast. 

We celebrate three long lived lives this week, while we take major steps towards creating new life.

It's the circle of life.  It's pain filled, joy filled, emotion filled, and so much more.

What a journey we're on.  As we celebrate life, we hope, pray and in a sense beg God for a miracle.  For a dream come true.  For a life creating twist in our long and tear filled journey.  

A heavy hearted preschool teacher

It was a sad day at preschool today.  I found out one of my little boys can't come anymore.  He's one of the younger ones.  I was planning on having him in class next year also.

But I received the news that this past weekend the State came and picked him up.  He was living with family, not his parents, and they didn't want him anymore.

I'm so so sad. 

He is so sweet and I loved that little guy.

And to wrap my head around no one wanting him is impossible.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not judging his family...though I have visited with his aunt several times, I do not know them or their situation.

I'm just heartbroken that somewhere in the state of MT is a little boy who nobody wants.

I'm crying.

I'm praying.  Praying for his little boy life and the life ahead of him.  Praying that he finds forever love and a forever family.  Praying that someone opens their arms and their hearts, and that even if he might be scared or confused, that Jesus helps him and holds him.

Mayhem in March

Well, we already have madness in March, both the basketball kind and the IVF kind, and a marathon (or 2) in March, so we might as well add mayhem to March.

This morning we received a call from a funeral home in Havre.  Another funeral.

Another?  You might ask.

Yep.  Next week Joel has funerals on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. 

Add to that midweek Lent services on Tuesday and Wednesday, judging a science fair and Monday school on Monday, a council meeting, trip to Bozeman Thursday night, appt on Friday, and of course Sunday.

And we have mayhem! 

Oh and an oven that doesn't work.  More mayhem.  But that's being taken care of, it just might take a few days...that's what crock pots, microwaves and nearby church ovens are for!

None of it, at this point, has us freaked out.  It's just crazy.  And it means I'll be doing the dishes and laundry on my own!

We're gonna rock this week...no matter how hard it gets!  Please God, guide us and keep us. 

Practice makes perfect

This post might be TMI, but I'm gonna write it anyways.  I want this all logged, every part of our journey, so when I remembered a challenge the nurse gave me I decided I had to write...

Practice having a full bladder.

Say what?

Find out what fills your bladder up then hold it for like 2-3 hours.

Say what?

It's a chore!  It's a challenge!  And the funny thing is that I practice this every Tuesday and Thursday morning when I teach...I can't leave 13 preschoolers alone to use the bathroom!

Here is what the handout she gave me says:

"Lastly, as you get to the day of embryo transfer, you will need to have a full bladder.  This is extremely important for us to be able to visualize the uterus as the physician guides the catheter holding your precious embryos into the uterus for delivery.  You should drink plenty of fluids for 2-3 hours prior to your scheduled transfer time.  This means you will feel extremely full and uncomfortable in your low pelvic area.  You may have cramping.  It will feel like if you have to cough or sneeze you may leak urine.  As unpleasant as this is for you, it will help facilitate the timing of your transfer and the flow of the procedure.  This is the final step for you achieving pregnancy and we want it to go the very best it can!"

I hope I don't have a cold that day!

I highlighted the words "full bladder" above because on the sheet they are highlighted.

Doesn't sound fun to me, at all, but I'll practice so when it gets to transfer day I can be certain that practice does indeed make perfect!

A marathon in March

A few months ago Joel and I got a treadmill.  It's currently in our living room with a view to my right of the front yard, and to the front the TV.  About a month ago Elizabeth and Ryan, Joel's sister and her husband, also got a treadmill. 

A couple of days ago I concocted a plan...

I know from past experience that the hormones will not make me feel the most pleasant.  I also know that exercising helps. 

I thought to myself, I can't do a marathon all at once, but why not try to do a marathon in the month of March on the treadmill?!

The goal...log 26.6 miles during the month.  Or more, depending on how long it takes to get that many.

Last night, March 1st, around 7:30 I was tired and we had just returned from a full day in Havre and I did not feel like getting on the treadmill.  I decided I would start the next day.  But then I got a text from Elizabeth...she'd just finished 4 miles!  I agreed to put on my shoes and do 1, she encouraged me to go for 2!

I went for 4 and did it!

Our marathon in March was off to a great start!  And it helped me sleep.  Ever since I started birth control I have been having really weird very tiring dreams...I have not slept well for weeks.  But last night, even though I had one short weird dream, I slept pretty good. 

Bring on the marathon in March!  We can do it, with a little help from each other.  Thanks Elizabeth! 

The array of support we receive while on this journey is, well, words cannot describe what it all means to us.  Thank you to all of you!

Now, it's time to get walking/running!  Have a treadmill?  Join us! 

A little more...

When we met with Julia the first thing she gave us was her direct line at work and both her and Dr. Shomento's cell phone numbers.  We were given permission to call either number anytime.  If we need them, they are there.

I was pretty shocked...and we really felt like it was a little personal touch to help make this process even calmer.

I was given the opportunity to talk to her about possible freak out scenarios!  She was so understanding, and assured me I do not need to freak out.  They have everything under control for us.

"Just take the meds" she said!

But what if my cycle doesn't start when it says it should on the calendar?  "No need to freak out" was her answer.  But what if we break a shot?  "No need to freak out", was her answer. 

What if I get headaches?  "Take tylenol or tylenol with caffeine".

What about exercise?  This question came with an interesting answer...as we get further into this process she said no high impact activity like skiing (I don't ski) or horseback riding (haven't done that since Williston a couple of years ago) or running (bummed about this one).  I can walk though.  She said the reason was because they don't want my ovaries to burst...that's weird to me.  And freaky.  But I will obey!

Around retrieval time I start an oil based progesterone shot and if this all works, I continue that shot for 10 weeks.  It's the worst one Julia said.  I will be a hurting unit, she added.  

This process is so intense.  As we walk through it, it feels very surreal.  It's almost like we're puppets...we just do what we're told when we're told and hope for amazing miracle-like outcomes!
 
We have peace flowing through us, we have such a readiness inside...painful shots, scary meds, weeks upon weeks of medication...we can handle it.  I won't say I'll always be calm.  But something that should be freaking us out, feels more like just something we'll do because we have to.  We have our hearts and prayers focused on success.  

March Madness...

It all started February 27th.  We met with Julia, the nurse, that day.  She taught us all about our big box of meds.  It was overwhelming.  But at the same time, not one of the shots has to be assembled to the extent that the ones we were doing with IUI had to be.  We have to mix meds and change needles, eventually, but in an easier way.

She sent us home with a calendar.  We started shots on February 29th.  So far it's going really well. 

The first 10 days of shots work to suppress my brain so when the stimulation meds starts they, the doctor and company, can control everything. 

On March 6th I take the last birth control pill (& I can't wait, I really do not like that stuff).

On March 9th we go back to Bozeman for a 10am baseline ultra sound.  On the 10th we start stimulation meds.  This means we continue the morning shot we are doing now (at a lower dosage) and add 2 shots in the evening. 

Either March 14th or 15th they will start monitoring me either daily or every other day in Bozeman.  Monitoring consists of ultra sound and blood work.  The lady in Bozeman who does the blood draws and I do not have the best relationship...she has a lot of trouble with my veins...so it should get interesting!

Now for the big dates:

March 19th is the possible date for a mega shot, we're talking big, giant, scary and painful!  But, as with the others, we'll do it!  

Possible retrieval date is March 21 in Billings.  This is considered a minor surgery for me. Once fertilization happens the embryologist will be in contact with us daily to discuss development of the embryos.  They will determine when transfer should take place. 

Possible transfer dates are the 24th for a day 3 transfer or the 26th for a day 5 transfer.  The doctor said for us we will hope for a day 5 transfer.

This is the mumbo jumbo of it all.  If you're confused, so are we!  We just look at the calendar a lot, and plan for these 10-12 days to be devoted to helping make this a success.