I read an article yesterday about infertility at Christmas time. And I remember.
Last year at this time I often sat, or danced to Mary's song, with tears running down my face. The pain was indescribable. It hurt so bad.
It's extra hard this time of year because, at least for me, we are focused on the Christ Child coming, while crying out, why not us God? I remember the pain.
The hardest part of infertility is there are no guarantees...
As we walked our journey...every day, every month, every year...there were no guarantees.
We had so many people in our lives who believed for us. And so often their hope and belief carried us. But the fear was still there...because there were no guarantees.
I write this because as I hold my precious miracle baby girls I remember. My heart breaks for everyone who still wonders and waits...in the throes of no guarantee.
So many times during our infertility journey I cried out to God, I begged him for our miracle. And with a joyful heart I can proclaim, He chose us!
I know we have hope in Jesus. I know he can and will overcome the no guarantee. And I know that His promises are true. He is there. He was there. He never left us. He carried us...
And my heart cries this Christmas season for everyone who finds themselves in the midst of the pain of infertility...my tears are for you...my prayers are for you.
Harper is crying to be held as I write this, Hannah is starting to fuss...two miracles who represent hope and the guarantee that Jesus lives and His promised plan is alive!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Miracles
Well, we did it!
We did it!
We made babies, grew babies, birthed babies and now we feed and snuggle them, change their diapers...
It is only by the grace of God and with joy filled hearts we can say...We did it.
I started this blog in the throes of infertility. There were moments recorded here in our darkest hour.
Tears, tears, tears...
Of pain, of hopelessness, of joy...
We did it.
God created these miracles and we had a front row seat as His work unfolded.
From the amazing staff at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota to our amazing team of Montana miracle workers, we had the privilege of watching them all make decisions and guide us along the path to our babies!
We have pictures of our sweet girls the day they were transferred into me, day 5 embryos...we have pictures of our embryos frozen in Florida...we have a story that can only be described in one word...MIRACLE!
It's still hard to believe...He chose us...what an honor...what a miracle.
2012...the year of IVF...the year of Hannah Grace & Harper Joy!
As we continue to walk this path and our journey continues to unfold my prayer is that our little miracle babies will impact lives as mommy and daddy continue to share their story...
In the hospital a lady said to me, "Hannah and Harper give me so much hope,"...she will be visiting our same team of miracle workers in Bozeman/Billings sometime soon. I pray, with longing in my heart, for her and her family.
We are daily in awe as we look into the sweet faces of our little miracles..
We did it!
We made babies, grew babies, birthed babies and now we feed and snuggle them, change their diapers...
It is only by the grace of God and with joy filled hearts we can say...We did it.
I started this blog in the throes of infertility. There were moments recorded here in our darkest hour.
Tears, tears, tears...
Of pain, of hopelessness, of joy...
We did it.
God created these miracles and we had a front row seat as His work unfolded.
From the amazing staff at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota to our amazing team of Montana miracle workers, we had the privilege of watching them all make decisions and guide us along the path to our babies!
We have pictures of our sweet girls the day they were transferred into me, day 5 embryos...we have pictures of our embryos frozen in Florida...we have a story that can only be described in one word...MIRACLE!
It's still hard to believe...He chose us...what an honor...what a miracle.
2012...the year of IVF...the year of Hannah Grace & Harper Joy!
As we continue to walk this path and our journey continues to unfold my prayer is that our little miracle babies will impact lives as mommy and daddy continue to share their story...
In the hospital a lady said to me, "Hannah and Harper give me so much hope,"...she will be visiting our same team of miracle workers in Bozeman/Billings sometime soon. I pray, with longing in my heart, for her and her family.
We are daily in awe as we look into the sweet faces of our little miracles..
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Thursday
Today is growth check day. I'm pretty sure babies are growing but we'll see...it feels like they are.
I'm 36 weeks today!
I wonder if they will let me come home, or if they will check me and keep me within close radius of the hospital...
It makes me nervous being 80 miles away and not knowing when to get in the car and go...
Night time, when sleep comes, is my favorite time, because I don't have to worry or wonder. Today I am wondering...and I am so glad we're headed to Great Falls in an hour...For a short time at least I will be near the hospital!
As I lay awake last night from 2-4am I had these thoughts going through my mind:
Will we make it to the hospital?
What will labor be like?
Will Dr. Key be there?
Will the Sunday sermon and Saturday graveside service be ready to go before our appointment today just in case someone needs to take over?
Will Joel actually get to be off work completely once these babies are here or will things come up?
When will the car seats get put in the car?
When will the car be cleaned out? And things we don't need in it unloaded...
What will this all be like?!
What will this all be like?!
Too much to think about. But thankfully sleep finally did come again! I'm ready for what the day brings!
I'm 36 weeks today!
I wonder if they will let me come home, or if they will check me and keep me within close radius of the hospital...
It makes me nervous being 80 miles away and not knowing when to get in the car and go...
Night time, when sleep comes, is my favorite time, because I don't have to worry or wonder. Today I am wondering...and I am so glad we're headed to Great Falls in an hour...For a short time at least I will be near the hospital!
As I lay awake last night from 2-4am I had these thoughts going through my mind:
Will we make it to the hospital?
What will labor be like?
Will Dr. Key be there?
Will the Sunday sermon and Saturday graveside service be ready to go before our appointment today just in case someone needs to take over?
Will Joel actually get to be off work completely once these babies are here or will things come up?
When will the car seats get put in the car?
When will the car be cleaned out? And things we don't need in it unloaded...
What will this all be like?!
What will this all be like?!
Too much to think about. But thankfully sleep finally did come again! I'm ready for what the day brings!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Love from Minnesota!
Several days ago we received some love from Minnesota...
It looked like this:
It came full of sunshine and it brightened our days! It brightened bed rest! It's still working it's sunshine magic!
So many goodies...Candy, mugs, hot chocolate and tea, yellow guys who race down the window...which one will win? A music mix, mac and cheese, lemon drops...all the hospital packing lists I read says to take hard candies for me...what is left of these will be packed...
And so much more...lots o' yellow, lots o' fun! It keeps on giving...
Some wonderful cards...one that is waiting to be opened, as per instruction, til the babies are here!
It was such an awesome surprise.
We love our Minnesota dance party gang! We miss them so much! P. Whitty, L-Bomb, Penelope, jay to the dizzle, Elliot...
Much love to you all...we feel your support.
It looked like this:
It came full of sunshine and it brightened our days! It brightened bed rest! It's still working it's sunshine magic!
So many goodies...Candy, mugs, hot chocolate and tea, yellow guys who race down the window...which one will win? A music mix, mac and cheese, lemon drops...all the hospital packing lists I read says to take hard candies for me...what is left of these will be packed...
And so much more...lots o' yellow, lots o' fun! It keeps on giving...
Some wonderful cards...one that is waiting to be opened, as per instruction, til the babies are here!
It was such an awesome surprise.
We love our Minnesota dance party gang! We miss them so much! P. Whitty, L-Bomb, Penelope, jay to the dizzle, Elliot...
Much love to you all...we feel your support.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Graduation Day!
"You're graduating today", Ronnie said to me and she was hooking me up to monitors yesterday...
"What does that mean?" I asked her...
We made it! Back in October when we were admitted to the hospital making it this far seemed nearly impossible...I was very close to giving birth then. But we made it! Graduation day!
Gretchen grinned ear to ear later when she told us the same thing.
This is a giant hurdle for us and them...we did it! My bed rest, Joel taking care of us, other family members here to take care of us, calls and texts from family and friends near and far sharing support with us, careful monitoring by the Dr. staff, lots o' prayers from around the globe...it all worked. We all did it! Together.
And the miracle is that our baby girls have had 33 more days to grow and develop inside of me, not in the NICU. They could still have a little time in the NICU but nothing long term. We did it!
Now the new goal...wait to have them til late next Sunday night or Monday when Dr. Key and his sheep will be back...
It could happen anytime now, according to Gretchen.
"What does that mean?" I asked her...
We made it! Back in October when we were admitted to the hospital making it this far seemed nearly impossible...I was very close to giving birth then. But we made it! Graduation day!
Gretchen grinned ear to ear later when she told us the same thing.
This is a giant hurdle for us and them...we did it! My bed rest, Joel taking care of us, other family members here to take care of us, calls and texts from family and friends near and far sharing support with us, careful monitoring by the Dr. staff, lots o' prayers from around the globe...it all worked. We all did it! Together.
And the miracle is that our baby girls have had 33 more days to grow and develop inside of me, not in the NICU. They could still have a little time in the NICU but nothing long term. We did it!
Now the new goal...wait to have them til late next Sunday night or Monday when Dr. Key and his sheep will be back...
It could happen anytime now, according to Gretchen.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Blizzard
A blizzard is coming. I'm almost 35 weeks pregnant and 80 miles from the hospital and a blizzard is coming.
This afternoon my phone started making a loud noise like an emergency sound from the TV...and I was like what the heck is going on...
A warning popped up that said a blizzard is coming and the warming is in effect until Saturday at 8am. Supposedly this is starting at midnight tonight and no travel is advised.
Ugh! At 10:45 tomorrow I have a doctor appointment...wonder if they will let us come home. Wonder if we'll be able to get there.
I kind of sort of thought we'd get through all of this without a blizzard...I've thought to myself, we don't have to worry about the weather. It was so mild last year. And maybe if the babies were coming in later December we should sweat it but not now...
I think Dr. Key has been worried about winter weather all along. Makes me wonder if Ronnie, Gretchen, Joel and I will have to make a decision tomorrow...do we go home or wait out the storm close to the hospital? Geesh...just slightly nerve-wracking!
Good thing we have hospital bags packed already.
This afternoon my phone started making a loud noise like an emergency sound from the TV...and I was like what the heck is going on...
A warning popped up that said a blizzard is coming and the warming is in effect until Saturday at 8am. Supposedly this is starting at midnight tonight and no travel is advised.
Ugh! At 10:45 tomorrow I have a doctor appointment...wonder if they will let us come home. Wonder if we'll be able to get there.
I kind of sort of thought we'd get through all of this without a blizzard...I've thought to myself, we don't have to worry about the weather. It was so mild last year. And maybe if the babies were coming in later December we should sweat it but not now...
I think Dr. Key has been worried about winter weather all along. Makes me wonder if Ronnie, Gretchen, Joel and I will have to make a decision tomorrow...do we go home or wait out the storm close to the hospital? Geesh...just slightly nerve-wracking!
Good thing we have hospital bags packed already.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Promises
Yesterday I was pondering God's promises.
And our journey.
And how our little babies will be here in 22 days or less.
And how surreal that feels.
And the tears we've cried...happy and heart breaking ones.
And the hopefulness.
And the hopelessness.
And the scare we had in October that landed us in the hospital...and how our babies came so close to making their arrival then. And how dangerous that could have been...
And ultimately how all along God has promised us these little girls. But we didn't always believe it. Even in our disbelief that promise has always been there. It never went away. We just didn't always see it. We were scared and heart broken. We were sad and hopeless.
Dr. Key told us yesterday that we have new goals...by tomorrow their danger begins to go down, the days they will have to be in NICU begin to decrease...
By next week they will only have a couple of days of NICU ahead of them...
By November 20th they will more than likely get to go home with us! That's our new goal. And the added bonus...Dr. Key will be back by then!
He also told us...
"Your Faith is such a big part of why this is working..."
"You give me strength...what you have been able to accomplish..."
Him and I both teared up when we talked about the Dr. Seuss book he recommended.
When Ronnie came in he said to her, "I want to clone these two people,"...
We're walking God's promise...and our little girls will be here soon! He said he would not let me go past the 28th of November because my body cannot handle it...babies are coming soon!
And our journey.
And how our little babies will be here in 22 days or less.
And how surreal that feels.
And the tears we've cried...happy and heart breaking ones.
And the hopefulness.
And the hopelessness.
And the scare we had in October that landed us in the hospital...and how our babies came so close to making their arrival then. And how dangerous that could have been...
And ultimately how all along God has promised us these little girls. But we didn't always believe it. Even in our disbelief that promise has always been there. It never went away. We just didn't always see it. We were scared and heart broken. We were sad and hopeless.
Dr. Key told us yesterday that we have new goals...by tomorrow their danger begins to go down, the days they will have to be in NICU begin to decrease...
By next week they will only have a couple of days of NICU ahead of them...
By November 20th they will more than likely get to go home with us! That's our new goal. And the added bonus...Dr. Key will be back by then!
He also told us...
"Your Faith is such a big part of why this is working..."
"You give me strength...what you have been able to accomplish..."
Him and I both teared up when we talked about the Dr. Seuss book he recommended.
When Ronnie came in he said to her, "I want to clone these two people,"...
We're walking God's promise...and our little girls will be here soon! He said he would not let me go past the 28th of November because my body cannot handle it...babies are coming soon!
Traveling Sheep!
Last Thursday we went for a growth ultra sound. Grandma and Grandpa took me because Joel had a funeral to do in Big Sandy.
We were told good news...Baby A is growing! Baby A is growing! Baby B went from 4lbs 2oz. to 5 lbs 3 oz. Baby A went from 3lbs 6 oz. to 5lbs. 3oz. Gretchen told us that this giant leap in Baby A is impossible...she is more like 4lbs 7oz. But regardless, she is growing...
Gretchen had other news that day...
Come see us at 11am Monday she said, Dr. Key wants to be sure he gets to see you before he leaves...
He's leaving?
I finally worked up the courage to ask how long he would be gone...the answer is 2 weeks...WHAT? Um...is this the point in our journey where I freak out, I wondered? Grandma and I both kind of laughed!
I think to myself, no Dr. Key cannot go anywhere when we are this close to giving birth! No, no!
Guess where he is going? To the International Sheep Herder's Convention in Louisville, Kentucky. He's taking 100 of his sheep with him! I mean, as much as I'm worried he'll be gone when we deliver, I get a big kick out of him doing this...
My goodness, traveling sheep! Now if we can keep these babies from being born til him and his sheep come back, I'll be happy!
Gretchen did add that he has a back up she thinks we will really like, so in other words, we're still in very good hands!
We were told good news...Baby A is growing! Baby A is growing! Baby B went from 4lbs 2oz. to 5 lbs 3 oz. Baby A went from 3lbs 6 oz. to 5lbs. 3oz. Gretchen told us that this giant leap in Baby A is impossible...she is more like 4lbs 7oz. But regardless, she is growing...
Gretchen had other news that day...
Come see us at 11am Monday she said, Dr. Key wants to be sure he gets to see you before he leaves...
He's leaving?
I finally worked up the courage to ask how long he would be gone...the answer is 2 weeks...WHAT? Um...is this the point in our journey where I freak out, I wondered? Grandma and I both kind of laughed!
I think to myself, no Dr. Key cannot go anywhere when we are this close to giving birth! No, no!
Guess where he is going? To the International Sheep Herder's Convention in Louisville, Kentucky. He's taking 100 of his sheep with him! I mean, as much as I'm worried he'll be gone when we deliver, I get a big kick out of him doing this...
My goodness, traveling sheep! Now if we can keep these babies from being born til him and his sheep come back, I'll be happy!
Gretchen did add that he has a back up she thinks we will really like, so in other words, we're still in very good hands!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Bed rest
Since I last blogged my world has looked like this...
2 baby and mommy monitoring sessions.
A trip to Target both times while I was free from bed rest! But shhh...I had orders to eat and go home!
Starbucks drive thru on both of those trips...Peppermint lattes!
And hanging out at home. I have to admit I am grateful that today is the last day of October. Bring on November! Seriously. The days have went by fairly quickly but as the month nears an end it seems it drags on.
I'm on day 22 of bed rest. And I feel my body getting weaker. Boo to that. I'm tired. But I've fit in some good reading, HGTV, visiting with grandma and grandpa who are here helping out, packing suitcases for the hospital, writing thank you cards, reading People magazine, studying name books, thinking, lots of thinking, bible reading, a word search book...
Well, it's not like you need to hear all of it...I wouldn't want to bore you!
Every time I get up and Joel is home he says, "where are you going?' My answer is always "the bathroom." That is about the only place I go when I'm on bed rest. Doctor's orders. Occasionally I sneak into the kitchen just to walk through.
In other news, both monitoring sessions have went well...babies movement and heart rates continue to look good...tomorrow we have an ultra sound to see how baby A is growing.
2 baby and mommy monitoring sessions.
A trip to Target both times while I was free from bed rest! But shhh...I had orders to eat and go home!
Starbucks drive thru on both of those trips...Peppermint lattes!
And hanging out at home. I have to admit I am grateful that today is the last day of October. Bring on November! Seriously. The days have went by fairly quickly but as the month nears an end it seems it drags on.
I'm on day 22 of bed rest. And I feel my body getting weaker. Boo to that. I'm tired. But I've fit in some good reading, HGTV, visiting with grandma and grandpa who are here helping out, packing suitcases for the hospital, writing thank you cards, reading People magazine, studying name books, thinking, lots of thinking, bible reading, a word search book...
Well, it's not like you need to hear all of it...I wouldn't want to bore you!
Every time I get up and Joel is home he says, "where are you going?' My answer is always "the bathroom." That is about the only place I go when I'm on bed rest. Doctor's orders. Occasionally I sneak into the kitchen just to walk through.
In other news, both monitoring sessions have went well...babies movement and heart rates continue to look good...tomorrow we have an ultra sound to see how baby A is growing.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Baby girl A
At our appointment Monday we learned that Baby A isn't growing
enough. It seems her growing, which was at a fairly steady pace, has
slowed down. Too much...
Dr. Key is quite concerned about it. He is also concerned about us living 80 miles from the hospital.
The appt went like this:
We had the ultra sound on both Baby A and Baby B. She checked their heartbeats, Baby A's was 136...good...Baby B's was 147...again, good. She listened to their cords, measured them, checked everything out.
It seemed like things were fine. But then she went to ask Dr. Key and Gretchen if she should do the cervix ultra sound...she was gone for several minutes. When she came back in she said she needed to do more ultra sound on A. She wanted to get some dopplers....she asked me which baby I felt move more...I'm never quite sure...um, both I said. Then she said, "oh good, there is a good kick from A." I thought to myself, something is up.
Baby A is very low. Too low. She had to get some scans of her head while doing the cervix ultra sound because she is so low.
The good news? My cervix is looking great!
After the ultra sound we had to leave and them come back because Dr. Key was at the hospital delivering twins!
When we got back they hooked me and the babies up to monitors and handed me a hand held device to click anytime I felt baby movement.
After about 30 minutes in came Dr. Key, Gretchen and Ronnie. Joel got nervous at this point...why were all 3 of them in there? Well, it was to come up with a plan. Dr. Key wasn't ready to put me back in the hospital yet and between Big Sandy and Great Falls there is no where, closer, for us to be monitored. He wasn't happy about the snow falling outside at the time and he was worried about us having to drive back and forth too much...but the solution really is monitoring twice a week...keeping close tabs on Baby A.
So, back we go tomorrow. We're willing to do whatever it takes and as long as the babies and I are safe, we would rather be at home. We're taking this journey one day at a time...we'll see what tomorrow brings.
Dr. Key is quite concerned about it. He is also concerned about us living 80 miles from the hospital.
The appt went like this:
We had the ultra sound on both Baby A and Baby B. She checked their heartbeats, Baby A's was 136...good...Baby B's was 147...again, good. She listened to their cords, measured them, checked everything out.
It seemed like things were fine. But then she went to ask Dr. Key and Gretchen if she should do the cervix ultra sound...she was gone for several minutes. When she came back in she said she needed to do more ultra sound on A. She wanted to get some dopplers....she asked me which baby I felt move more...I'm never quite sure...um, both I said. Then she said, "oh good, there is a good kick from A." I thought to myself, something is up.
Baby A is very low. Too low. She had to get some scans of her head while doing the cervix ultra sound because she is so low.
The good news? My cervix is looking great!
After the ultra sound we had to leave and them come back because Dr. Key was at the hospital delivering twins!
When we got back they hooked me and the babies up to monitors and handed me a hand held device to click anytime I felt baby movement.
After about 30 minutes in came Dr. Key, Gretchen and Ronnie. Joel got nervous at this point...why were all 3 of them in there? Well, it was to come up with a plan. Dr. Key wasn't ready to put me back in the hospital yet and between Big Sandy and Great Falls there is no where, closer, for us to be monitored. He wasn't happy about the snow falling outside at the time and he was worried about us having to drive back and forth too much...but the solution really is monitoring twice a week...keeping close tabs on Baby A.
So, back we go tomorrow. We're willing to do whatever it takes and as long as the babies and I are safe, we would rather be at home. We're taking this journey one day at a time...we'll see what tomorrow brings.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Oh the woes...
It seems that my body and bed rest do not get along the best...
Heart burn set in at 2am last night. I've had it off and on throughout the pregnancy. I've used tums to control it. But last night it was bad enough to land me in the recliner, in misery.
It's torture. And it's back. Bed rest is challenging enough but constant heart burn to go with it...
I think I can, I think I can.
It's going to take a lot of self coaching to get myself through this.
I did remember that Dr. Key told me to take pepcid and I have some so maybe just maybe it will go away for a while. I know my baby girls are worth it...but oh my goodness this is rough.
We were thinking about moving a bed into living room, Dr.'s suggestion, for me to have the best bed rest...but now I think I'm stuck with the recliner. The good news is that I slept for 4 hours last night, in the recliner, and that's a huge accomplishment!
Heart burn set in at 2am last night. I've had it off and on throughout the pregnancy. I've used tums to control it. But last night it was bad enough to land me in the recliner, in misery.
It's torture. And it's back. Bed rest is challenging enough but constant heart burn to go with it...
I think I can, I think I can.
It's going to take a lot of self coaching to get myself through this.
I did remember that Dr. Key told me to take pepcid and I have some so maybe just maybe it will go away for a while. I know my baby girls are worth it...but oh my goodness this is rough.
We were thinking about moving a bed into living room, Dr.'s suggestion, for me to have the best bed rest...but now I think I'm stuck with the recliner. The good news is that I slept for 4 hours last night, in the recliner, and that's a huge accomplishment!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Dr. Seuss
On Saturday afternoon Dr. Key visited and decision time was upon us...
Head home or stay in the hospital til the babies come. I really wanted to go home. But the hospital offered a safety net I wasn't sure I could pass up.
I was scared. But home was calling.
Dr. Key said he felt good about us going home. The night before he had been thinking about us and praying...
I would go home with 3 days of stop contraction meds to make the transition...We would call him even in the wee hours of the morning if we needed to...I would be on strict bed rest...He talked me through at length what contractions feel like...
The churches will help you he said, let them. They can bring you meals he said, ask them, let them.
I've been growing these babies since March, but my new priority was to just grow babies...no more work, no more cooking, cleaning, exercising, getting the mail (a highlight of my day)...just rest and grow babies. And read a lot, the Dr. said!
Before he left to put together discharge instructions he told us that he was dear friends with Dr. Seuss. Yes, the real one! He knows his kids also...he told us that Dr. Seuss was even shorter than him, and he's short! Then he told us about a book that Dr. Seuss wrote for one of his sons going down a rocky path...
Horton Hatches The Egg. Dr. Key told him, no, you wrote that book for pregnant ladies! Dr. Seuss assured him that was not the case...
But Dr. Key told us to get the book, read it together and the message would impact us! I ordered it from amazon today!
Bed rest continues. Babies are growing!
Head home or stay in the hospital til the babies come. I really wanted to go home. But the hospital offered a safety net I wasn't sure I could pass up.
I was scared. But home was calling.
Dr. Key said he felt good about us going home. The night before he had been thinking about us and praying...
I would go home with 3 days of stop contraction meds to make the transition...We would call him even in the wee hours of the morning if we needed to...I would be on strict bed rest...He talked me through at length what contractions feel like...
The churches will help you he said, let them. They can bring you meals he said, ask them, let them.
I've been growing these babies since March, but my new priority was to just grow babies...no more work, no more cooking, cleaning, exercising, getting the mail (a highlight of my day)...just rest and grow babies. And read a lot, the Dr. said!
Before he left to put together discharge instructions he told us that he was dear friends with Dr. Seuss. Yes, the real one! He knows his kids also...he told us that Dr. Seuss was even shorter than him, and he's short! Then he told us about a book that Dr. Seuss wrote for one of his sons going down a rocky path...
Horton Hatches The Egg. Dr. Key told him, no, you wrote that book for pregnant ladies! Dr. Seuss assured him that was not the case...
But Dr. Key told us to get the book, read it together and the message would impact us! I ordered it from amazon today!
Bed rest continues. Babies are growing!
Joel's day!
We spent most of Joel's birthday in the hospital room...well, of course I did, but he stayed with me.
The Dr. came in that morning and said ultra sound would be in and he would be by after that to do an examination. Then we would talk...we didn't want Joel to miss the talk. I knew it would be intense because we would have to make some decisions about home. I wasn't going to make those alone!
We watched TV, ate meals from the cafeteria...I ordered mine from a hospital menu and I could also order a guest tray for $5 for breakfast and lunch, $10 for dinner...we talked, ate birthday cake from the day before, had a present opening...and waited.
Around 2 the Dr. came back, around 3 ultra sound came, then around 4:30 the doctor came by to visit.
Things were looking up! My cervix had reformed some! Yahoo! The Dr. said he was cautious but he was thinking this was our window to head home...he wanted us to talk about it and he'd be back in the morning...
During his visit he talked about the angels surrounding us and protecting our family...
He talked about how we had done nothing wrong...he talked about what a miracle journey we've had so far...and how that journey will continue...he told us what good parents we already are...
He left us with a hug and reassurance that we would all be ok!
Our Doctor is one more gift along this journey to babies...I'm continually overwhelmed by the medical care that has surrounded us...we are so thankful.
Joel escaped for Starbucks and shopping at Scheel's after that! He had to buy his own birthday presents since my plan to buy them Wednesday was thwarted! I gave him a list and he conquered!
The Dr. came in that morning and said ultra sound would be in and he would be by after that to do an examination. Then we would talk...we didn't want Joel to miss the talk. I knew it would be intense because we would have to make some decisions about home. I wasn't going to make those alone!
We watched TV, ate meals from the cafeteria...I ordered mine from a hospital menu and I could also order a guest tray for $5 for breakfast and lunch, $10 for dinner...we talked, ate birthday cake from the day before, had a present opening...and waited.
Around 2 the Dr. came back, around 3 ultra sound came, then around 4:30 the doctor came by to visit.
Things were looking up! My cervix had reformed some! Yahoo! The Dr. said he was cautious but he was thinking this was our window to head home...he wanted us to talk about it and he'd be back in the morning...
During his visit he talked about the angels surrounding us and protecting our family...
He talked about how we had done nothing wrong...he talked about what a miracle journey we've had so far...and how that journey will continue...he told us what good parents we already are...
He left us with a hug and reassurance that we would all be ok!
Our Doctor is one more gift along this journey to babies...I'm continually overwhelmed by the medical care that has surrounded us...we are so thankful.
Joel escaped for Starbucks and shopping at Scheel's after that! He had to buy his own birthday presents since my plan to buy them Wednesday was thwarted! I gave him a list and he conquered!
Monday, October 15, 2012
More to the story...
Dr. Key came in to visit with us Wednesday evening after I had been admitted...
We still didn't fully grasp was what going on.
Then he gave it to us straight...his goal was to get us home, but he couldn't make any promises.
Oh boy!
It was a good conversation, but it was a scary one. It was a miracle we came in that day, he said. Oh and he reminded me...no more work, even if I go home.
Of course stress set in...but Joel took care of things, I called a preschool mom and cancelled class for the next day, my birthday, ordered my dinner and well, laid back and chilled...
The eve of my 34th birthday...my first night ever in a hospital...HGTV on the TV, Joel on the sofa/twin bed in the room...and me getting a stop contraction shot every four hours.
I didn't sleep even a little bit that night. So many interruptions...so many thoughts in my head...some fear thrown in there...some thinking about my babies...some wondering what was going on...
The next morning we were greeted by our nurse for the day...she was awesome! Her second time in Joel told her it was my birthday!
For my birthday breakfast I ordered buttermilk pancakes, sausage, apple juice and to be honest I cannot remember what else!
An hour or so later Karra told Dr. Key, who was back for a visit, it was was my birthday. I told them both it was Joel's the next day. We talked about how the goal was not to have our little girls have a birthday either of those days, or even close!
Dr. Key told Karra she should tell the nutrition staff about our birthdays. She thought maybe instead Joel should go get an icecream cake...it will taste better she said!
My morning meds were taken, breakfast was over, and Joel had headed to Big Sandy to gather some necessities...we had no idea at this point if we would be there until they were born or going home soon...and I was just hanging out watching TV when there was a knock on my door...
I heard a voice say "nutrition, can I come in?" Uh-oh I thought, I haven't ordered lunch yet, they must have the wrong room....
But in came a really nice lady with a birthday cake and card for me! The cake was yellow cake with white frosting and covered in sprinkles. I love sprinkles. A lot! I had my first piece alone after lunch. It was delicious!
The day unfolded with more shots and pills, more cake, Starbucks, some present opening, and hanging out in Room 7130.
All in all, if it was keeping the babies safe, it was worth missing out on dinner and a movie! We just had those hospital style instead.
We still didn't fully grasp was what going on.
Then he gave it to us straight...his goal was to get us home, but he couldn't make any promises.
Oh boy!
It was a good conversation, but it was a scary one. It was a miracle we came in that day, he said. Oh and he reminded me...no more work, even if I go home.
Of course stress set in...but Joel took care of things, I called a preschool mom and cancelled class for the next day, my birthday, ordered my dinner and well, laid back and chilled...
The eve of my 34th birthday...my first night ever in a hospital...HGTV on the TV, Joel on the sofa/twin bed in the room...and me getting a stop contraction shot every four hours.
I didn't sleep even a little bit that night. So many interruptions...so many thoughts in my head...some fear thrown in there...some thinking about my babies...some wondering what was going on...
The next morning we were greeted by our nurse for the day...she was awesome! Her second time in Joel told her it was my birthday!
For my birthday breakfast I ordered buttermilk pancakes, sausage, apple juice and to be honest I cannot remember what else!
An hour or so later Karra told Dr. Key, who was back for a visit, it was was my birthday. I told them both it was Joel's the next day. We talked about how the goal was not to have our little girls have a birthday either of those days, or even close!
Dr. Key told Karra she should tell the nutrition staff about our birthdays. She thought maybe instead Joel should go get an icecream cake...it will taste better she said!
My morning meds were taken, breakfast was over, and Joel had headed to Big Sandy to gather some necessities...we had no idea at this point if we would be there until they were born or going home soon...and I was just hanging out watching TV when there was a knock on my door...
I heard a voice say "nutrition, can I come in?" Uh-oh I thought, I haven't ordered lunch yet, they must have the wrong room....
But in came a really nice lady with a birthday cake and card for me! The cake was yellow cake with white frosting and covered in sprinkles. I love sprinkles. A lot! I had my first piece alone after lunch. It was delicious!
The day unfolded with more shots and pills, more cake, Starbucks, some present opening, and hanging out in Room 7130.
All in all, if it was keeping the babies safe, it was worth missing out on dinner and a movie! We just had those hospital style instead.
A birthday story...
Well, nothing about our journey to babies has went as planned...
Expect IVF working! It was the IVF part that orginally was not part of the plan.
Being put on bed rest was not part of the plan...but it is now part of the journey. I keep reminding myself there is nothing we can do about how this part is happening, except tell the story...
We had birthday plans last week...dinner out both days, a movie for Joel's birthday, free Starbucks birthday coffees...nothing too exciting, but a plan nonetheless.
My birthday was Thursday, Joel's friday.
But this all started on Wednesday. We went for a regular check up and ultra sound on me and the girls...
Once the ultra sound tech took all the pics she needed of the girls, she took pics of my cervix. I sensed something might be up because the 2 times before that she had mentioned how nice my cervix looked (sorry if this is TMI)...this time she didn't say anything...
She went down the hall to let Ronnie know we were ready for Dr. Key then she came back and told us he had been called to the hospital. "Can you come back at 2:30?" she asked, "I really want him to look at your cervix."
Something was up. We had our pre-admit appointment at the hospital at 2pm that day so they told us to just come after that.
We ate lunch. We shopped.
Then, as we were stepping onto the elevator following the pre-admit appointment, which went really well, Dr. Key was stepping off of it...well, we missed that opportunity I thought. So much for him checking me out at the clinic...but we went over there anyways. They took us right back...Gretchen did the examination and one of the first things she said was that she had to call the Dr. and the words "no work" came out of her mouth...
Then she was off to talk to him....she thought we would go home with very limited activity. But nope, on the phone Dr. Key told her to send us right over to the hospital and that he would meet us there.
What? Excuse me? Uh.....talk about shock. At that point I stood up to go, Joel stayed seating. Ronnie, Gretchen and Karen, the ultra sound tech, chuckled and said I had to take him...their specialty is pregnant ladies, not the guys!
Away we went in a sea of shock, nervousness, disbelief...
The unknown was ahead of us...and birthdays were yet to unfold...
Expect IVF working! It was the IVF part that orginally was not part of the plan.
Being put on bed rest was not part of the plan...but it is now part of the journey. I keep reminding myself there is nothing we can do about how this part is happening, except tell the story...
We had birthday plans last week...dinner out both days, a movie for Joel's birthday, free Starbucks birthday coffees...nothing too exciting, but a plan nonetheless.
My birthday was Thursday, Joel's friday.
But this all started on Wednesday. We went for a regular check up and ultra sound on me and the girls...
Once the ultra sound tech took all the pics she needed of the girls, she took pics of my cervix. I sensed something might be up because the 2 times before that she had mentioned how nice my cervix looked (sorry if this is TMI)...this time she didn't say anything...
She went down the hall to let Ronnie know we were ready for Dr. Key then she came back and told us he had been called to the hospital. "Can you come back at 2:30?" she asked, "I really want him to look at your cervix."
Something was up. We had our pre-admit appointment at the hospital at 2pm that day so they told us to just come after that.
We ate lunch. We shopped.
Then, as we were stepping onto the elevator following the pre-admit appointment, which went really well, Dr. Key was stepping off of it...well, we missed that opportunity I thought. So much for him checking me out at the clinic...but we went over there anyways. They took us right back...Gretchen did the examination and one of the first things she said was that she had to call the Dr. and the words "no work" came out of her mouth...
Then she was off to talk to him....she thought we would go home with very limited activity. But nope, on the phone Dr. Key told her to send us right over to the hospital and that he would meet us there.
What? Excuse me? Uh.....talk about shock. At that point I stood up to go, Joel stayed seating. Ronnie, Gretchen and Karen, the ultra sound tech, chuckled and said I had to take him...their specialty is pregnant ladies, not the guys!
Away we went in a sea of shock, nervousness, disbelief...
The unknown was ahead of us...and birthdays were yet to unfold...
Monday, October 8, 2012
Nursery
The nursery is painted, we did that in September, 2 cribs are put together and in position, curtains are created, thanks Mom!, and hung, recliner is in place ready for some late night baby feeding and rocking, dresser and bookshelf are in place...
The only piece of furniture missing is a changing table. We'll hopefully have that soon. And crib mattresses...again, we'll have those soon.
We have under 10 weeks to go!
Say what?
I've been thinking about this journey to parenthood and all of it's emotions...
And what is standing out the most to us is just how surreal it still feels. I'm assuming it will feel that way until they are 5!
I sat in the nursery for a while this morning, talking to Joel who was across the hall in the office, and asking if it feels real yet...
No, he said. I agreed.
We feel them move, we see them move, we watched as our family came this weekend and moved furniture, put in new windows, painted a kitchen wall red (that looks super cool, thanks Michelle), created cool things and did so much to help us get ready for these little girls...
And it still feels surreal. "We're bringing 2 new little people to live here with us," I say to Joel. "Can you believe it?"!
"No". Me neither. Maybe it's the fear that I still have at times, maybe it's the lingering we never thought this would happen to us...
But I'm growing, they are growing...and ready or not they are coming! Sooner rather than later! Yahoo! We'll go take a look at them on Wednesday to make sure everything is still on track and babies and myself are still doing well! One step at a time.
The only piece of furniture missing is a changing table. We'll hopefully have that soon. And crib mattresses...again, we'll have those soon.
We have under 10 weeks to go!
Say what?
I've been thinking about this journey to parenthood and all of it's emotions...
And what is standing out the most to us is just how surreal it still feels. I'm assuming it will feel that way until they are 5!
I sat in the nursery for a while this morning, talking to Joel who was across the hall in the office, and asking if it feels real yet...
No, he said. I agreed.
We feel them move, we see them move, we watched as our family came this weekend and moved furniture, put in new windows, painted a kitchen wall red (that looks super cool, thanks Michelle), created cool things and did so much to help us get ready for these little girls...
And it still feels surreal. "We're bringing 2 new little people to live here with us," I say to Joel. "Can you believe it?"!
"No". Me neither. Maybe it's the fear that I still have at times, maybe it's the lingering we never thought this would happen to us...
But I'm growing, they are growing...and ready or not they are coming! Sooner rather than later! Yahoo! We'll go take a look at them on Wednesday to make sure everything is still on track and babies and myself are still doing well! One step at a time.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
The K confesssion
Wondering what the K stands for? Yep, you guessed it...
I watch Keeping up with the Kardashians. It's pretty fascinating.
The Sunday before last was the season finale...
Part one of the season finale was the week before. On it I watched as Kloe made her first trip to a fertility clinic. Kim went with her...
On Part 2 Sunday night I cried...a lot. Khloe saw the fertility doctor more and we watched as she and Lamar dealt with that...while also watching Kourtney give birth to her little girl.
When I head Khloe say something along the lines of, "maybe I will be the one sister who never has babies..." I cried...in the midst of infertility, I said that many times.
When she said something about it being her fault...well, I cried. I can't count the number of times either Joel or I said those words throughout our journey...we never ever once blamed the other person, we sometimes blamed ourselves. That's when the other person really talked us through it...
It wasn't our fault. It was simply the pain filled tear filled way that God decided to write our story.
I cried as I watched because I remember the pain. I cried because we have miracles growing.
I watch Keeping up with the Kardashians. It's pretty fascinating.
The Sunday before last was the season finale...
Part one of the season finale was the week before. On it I watched as Kloe made her first trip to a fertility clinic. Kim went with her...
On Part 2 Sunday night I cried...a lot. Khloe saw the fertility doctor more and we watched as she and Lamar dealt with that...while also watching Kourtney give birth to her little girl.
When I head Khloe say something along the lines of, "maybe I will be the one sister who never has babies..." I cried...in the midst of infertility, I said that many times.
When she said something about it being her fault...well, I cried. I can't count the number of times either Joel or I said those words throughout our journey...we never ever once blamed the other person, we sometimes blamed ourselves. That's when the other person really talked us through it...
It wasn't our fault. It was simply the pain filled tear filled way that God decided to write our story.
I cried as I watched because I remember the pain. I cried because we have miracles growing.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Sleeping
For 5 nights I did not sleep. It was miserable.
On the 5th night, at 1am, I had a major meltdown. This wasn't fair, it was oh so hard on me, and what was it doing to the babies? I sobbed for a long time.
I was exhausted. But the second I laid down to sleep my legs became restless...
Blasted restless legs. Anyone ever deal with that? Pre-pregnancy I did. But I was trying everything that worked then...stretching, taking 1 tylenol, leg massages...
And nothing was working. I even took the 2 valerian roots that usually help me sleep and it didn't help.
It felt torturous. It felt awful. And by the 5th night I was scared what it was doing to me.
I added this to my list of things to talk to the doctor about at our appt yesterday...
As soon as I said I couldn't sleep and the words "restless legs" he knew....
I have a magnesium deficiency. The four pills a day I am taking are not doing the trick. I was so relieved that he knew what was wrong with me.
For the next four days I take 8 magnesium pills a day...that should cure me! At the end of those 4 days I go back to 4 pills a day. If I need to I can take up to 6 a day after that.
I think it's going to work. I slept a little last night, having taken 3 pills. I think it's going to work. I can't wait.
On the 5th night, at 1am, I had a major meltdown. This wasn't fair, it was oh so hard on me, and what was it doing to the babies? I sobbed for a long time.
I was exhausted. But the second I laid down to sleep my legs became restless...
Blasted restless legs. Anyone ever deal with that? Pre-pregnancy I did. But I was trying everything that worked then...stretching, taking 1 tylenol, leg massages...
And nothing was working. I even took the 2 valerian roots that usually help me sleep and it didn't help.
It felt torturous. It felt awful. And by the 5th night I was scared what it was doing to me.
I added this to my list of things to talk to the doctor about at our appt yesterday...
As soon as I said I couldn't sleep and the words "restless legs" he knew....
I have a magnesium deficiency. The four pills a day I am taking are not doing the trick. I was so relieved that he knew what was wrong with me.
For the next four days I take 8 magnesium pills a day...that should cure me! At the end of those 4 days I go back to 4 pills a day. If I need to I can take up to 6 a day after that.
I think it's going to work. I slept a little last night, having taken 3 pills. I think it's going to work. I can't wait.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Preschool
Preschool is amazing this year.
I've only had 3 classes but I cannot believe the difference from last year.
I have 9 kids instead of 14. I have all 4 year olds instead of 3, 4 and 5 year olds.
We've learned, laughed, played, completed science experiements...
Had calm center times.
Played with the parachute and petrie, the class duck...it's little and gray, it's stuffed!
The kids love petrie!
I've heard all about the tricker weasel that lives under the bed of one the students. I've heard about best friends and family and adventures outside of the walls of preschool!
These kids listen really well. Although they do like to make drum sounds on the table...one little girl just can't figure that one out, one little boy thinks they are too loud!
I'm exhausted when I get home after class, like Tuesday I couldn't move!
But it's fun! It was fun last year also, just way more difficult to teach that many kids. During worksheet time this year, though I here "Mrs. Melissa" every 5 seconds, I can way more easily go around the table to provide individual help!
It will be an adventure! It already is! And my favorite part is coming up...October and November where we talk a lot about pumpkins and apples and walk to Mrs. Melissa's garden to see how the corn and pumpkins, planted a wee late in the season, are growing!
I've only had 3 classes but I cannot believe the difference from last year.
I have 9 kids instead of 14. I have all 4 year olds instead of 3, 4 and 5 year olds.
We've learned, laughed, played, completed science experiements...
Had calm center times.
Played with the parachute and petrie, the class duck...it's little and gray, it's stuffed!
The kids love petrie!
I've heard all about the tricker weasel that lives under the bed of one the students. I've heard about best friends and family and adventures outside of the walls of preschool!
These kids listen really well. Although they do like to make drum sounds on the table...one little girl just can't figure that one out, one little boy thinks they are too loud!
I'm exhausted when I get home after class, like Tuesday I couldn't move!
But it's fun! It was fun last year also, just way more difficult to teach that many kids. During worksheet time this year, though I here "Mrs. Melissa" every 5 seconds, I can way more easily go around the table to provide individual help!
It will be an adventure! It already is! And my favorite part is coming up...October and November where we talk a lot about pumpkins and apples and walk to Mrs. Melissa's garden to see how the corn and pumpkins, planted a wee late in the season, are growing!
Google ban...
Joel has banned me from google.
Not all things google, just scary things google.
Last Wednesday I failed the glucose screening test. It's the initial screening for gestational diabetes. For this test I had to go into the lab at the Big Sandy clinic, having fasted, drink some really sugary red hawaiian punch flavored drink in 5 minutes, then go back in an hour for a blood draw. After each swallow of that stuff I kept thinking...why can't this be orange flavored, and don't throw up Melissa, this nice lab lady told me not to throw up!
They faxed my results to my doctor's office.
By 5pm that day I hadn't heard any results, so I assumed no news was good news.
Then at 5:15 Ronnie called..."2 things with your blood work today..." she said...
Ah bummer. I fully expected all to be fine! They were also checking my thyroid and iron levels that day and to be honest I'm not even sure what else.
First, she said my iron is too low so I need to start a supplement. She gave me instructions for that then the glucose test...
My number was 164. Their cutoff for being ok is 135. Another test is in my future...
I was so certain I would pass that test that when I heard I had to do the 3 hr fasting one, with the same icky red stuff, I got sort of worried...no, really worried.
And that night, while Joel was in Havre leading confirmation, I googled gestational diabetes...
Bad idea! Very bad! I mean it told me some things I already knew, but it also told me some very very bad things. It scared me.
Joel said no more google! So, I've stayed away from it!
At our Monday appointment to check on the girls Ronnie will give me lab orders for the next test and I will schedule it with the Big Sandy lab for sometime next week. It sounds awful, but I'm hoping that books, TV and some little walks will distract me from hunger of a long icky fast!
A text from a friend reassured me that people go through this all the time, and I can do anything for my little girls!
Not all things google, just scary things google.
Last Wednesday I failed the glucose screening test. It's the initial screening for gestational diabetes. For this test I had to go into the lab at the Big Sandy clinic, having fasted, drink some really sugary red hawaiian punch flavored drink in 5 minutes, then go back in an hour for a blood draw. After each swallow of that stuff I kept thinking...why can't this be orange flavored, and don't throw up Melissa, this nice lab lady told me not to throw up!
They faxed my results to my doctor's office.
By 5pm that day I hadn't heard any results, so I assumed no news was good news.
Then at 5:15 Ronnie called..."2 things with your blood work today..." she said...
Ah bummer. I fully expected all to be fine! They were also checking my thyroid and iron levels that day and to be honest I'm not even sure what else.
First, she said my iron is too low so I need to start a supplement. She gave me instructions for that then the glucose test...
My number was 164. Their cutoff for being ok is 135. Another test is in my future...
I was so certain I would pass that test that when I heard I had to do the 3 hr fasting one, with the same icky red stuff, I got sort of worried...no, really worried.
And that night, while Joel was in Havre leading confirmation, I googled gestational diabetes...
Bad idea! Very bad! I mean it told me some things I already knew, but it also told me some very very bad things. It scared me.
Joel said no more google! So, I've stayed away from it!
At our Monday appointment to check on the girls Ronnie will give me lab orders for the next test and I will schedule it with the Big Sandy lab for sometime next week. It sounds awful, but I'm hoping that books, TV and some little walks will distract me from hunger of a long icky fast!
A text from a friend reassured me that people go through this all the time, and I can do anything for my little girls!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Painting the nursery
Our friend Ellie visited last weekend!
What a blessing having her here was! And Fun!
Her and Joel painted the nursery, 4 walls, 2 colors, 2 coats of each color, all in about 5 hours.
It looks pretty! And I am so thankful for the help and for it being complete.
We also took time for a town tour, bocci ball, WII games, 2 church services, the Mexican restaurant in Havre and catching up on our reality TV!
Thanks for coming Ellie! And thank you for all of the help!
Now comes my part of cleaning the nursery and organizing baby things.
It's overwhelming. But, I'll figure it out!
What a blessing having her here was! And Fun!
Her and Joel painted the nursery, 4 walls, 2 colors, 2 coats of each color, all in about 5 hours.
It looks pretty! And I am so thankful for the help and for it being complete.
We also took time for a town tour, bocci ball, WII games, 2 church services, the Mexican restaurant in Havre and catching up on our reality TV!
Thanks for coming Ellie! And thank you for all of the help!
Now comes my part of cleaning the nursery and organizing baby things.
It's overwhelming. But, I'll figure it out!
Being lackadaisical...
We're having IVF twins after a long and painful 5 year journey through infertility...
I know you all know that already.
Thursday was our 26 week mark! We've made it to 26 weeks.
And it still hasn't really sunk in...it still feels very surreal...and to be honest, we're feeling pretty lackadaisical about it.
I probably first learned that word, lackadaisical, in high school English class...for the first 3 years all we did was study, memorize and take tests on vocabulary!
That word sums up our feelings at the moment.
We know we need to purchase so many more baby things in order to be ready and make list upon list of what those things are...
We know we need to be much more organized that we are...
We we know we need a plan for help once they are here and for paternity leave and for a sub at preschool and on and on...
And yes, we know we won't sleep once they are born and it will be so hard and terrible at times...
We're scared, nervous, joy filled...
And as I sit here, the nursery isn't any closer to getting finished...the baby clothes aren't any closer to being sorted and washed...the car seats are not any closer to being purchased...
But I can revel in feeling both little girls move...I can breath a little deeper at being one day closer to them growing big and strong enough to be born...I can be peaceful with my choice for nap taking and latte sipping...
It will all get done. I promise. Just not today!
I know you all know that already.
Thursday was our 26 week mark! We've made it to 26 weeks.
And it still hasn't really sunk in...it still feels very surreal...and to be honest, we're feeling pretty lackadaisical about it.
I probably first learned that word, lackadaisical, in high school English class...for the first 3 years all we did was study, memorize and take tests on vocabulary!
That word sums up our feelings at the moment.
We know we need to purchase so many more baby things in order to be ready and make list upon list of what those things are...
We know we need to be much more organized that we are...
We we know we need a plan for help once they are here and for paternity leave and for a sub at preschool and on and on...
And yes, we know we won't sleep once they are born and it will be so hard and terrible at times...
We're scared, nervous, joy filled...
And as I sit here, the nursery isn't any closer to getting finished...the baby clothes aren't any closer to being sorted and washed...the car seats are not any closer to being purchased...
But I can revel in feeling both little girls move...I can breath a little deeper at being one day closer to them growing big and strong enough to be born...I can be peaceful with my choice for nap taking and latte sipping...
It will all get done. I promise. Just not today!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Pumpkin lattes
On twitter my name is "loveforlattes".
I love lattes.
I also love Fall. I am so ready for Fall. I'm tired of 90 degree weather...I want to see leaves changing, pumpkins appearing, apples galore...I want to smell the scents of fall...
So, Saturday I broke out my homemade pumpkin latte recipe. It's actually a recipe for pumpkin white chocolate hot chocolate...but add some coffee and you have the most delicious drink...
I love pumpkin flavored lattes.
Seriously, I knew the recipe was delicious but I had forgotten just how delicious.
I'm ready for Fall!
I regularly light my pumpkin scented candles. I'm thinking of making white chicken chili for dinner. I'm sipping a pumpkin latte. I'm thinking of pumpkin recipes I can make...
Come on Fall, it's time to make your appearance!
A member of our congregation in Havre grows pumpkins. Last year he gave us several pretty big ones. He told me that he has 2 he is saving this year for our growing little girl pumpkins...I think that is so sweet!
I'm ready for Fall. It's finally a little cooler here the past couple of days, thankfully.
I love lattes.
I also love Fall. I am so ready for Fall. I'm tired of 90 degree weather...I want to see leaves changing, pumpkins appearing, apples galore...I want to smell the scents of fall...
So, Saturday I broke out my homemade pumpkin latte recipe. It's actually a recipe for pumpkin white chocolate hot chocolate...but add some coffee and you have the most delicious drink...
I love pumpkin flavored lattes.
Seriously, I knew the recipe was delicious but I had forgotten just how delicious.
I'm ready for Fall!
I regularly light my pumpkin scented candles. I'm thinking of making white chicken chili for dinner. I'm sipping a pumpkin latte. I'm thinking of pumpkin recipes I can make...
Come on Fall, it's time to make your appearance!
A member of our congregation in Havre grows pumpkins. Last year he gave us several pretty big ones. He told me that he has 2 he is saving this year for our growing little girl pumpkins...I think that is so sweet!
I'm ready for Fall. It's finally a little cooler here the past couple of days, thankfully.
Put me in Coach
Those of you who knew me in High School...remember my twin sister Jenn's routine to Put me in Coach for the talent portion of Junior Miss?
I often think of that when something big is coming up..
Today I am signing to myself, "Put me in Coach, I'm ready..."
Bring on the class of 2026!
Tomorrow is the first day of preschool with this class.
Yesterday I met them all, well almost all of them anyways, at an Open House.
I was ready well in advance but still slightly nervous. Last year's open house for the class of 2025 was chaos...at it's purest form...kids everywhere, parents everywhere, toys covering the floor, little siblings screaming and running wild and one even climbed into the kitchen sink...
Fun, but chaotic.
I was expecting that again! 3:30 rolled around and I waited. Who would come first? When would they get there?
Then I heard voices and little feet...guess who the first person through the door was?
Remember the little lumber yard first aid boy from last year? Yep! He came to tell me all about his first 6 days of kindergarten. He brought with him a little buddy or maybe a cousin, starting preschool tomorrow....he gave the little boy a tour, he told him the ins and outs of preschool! It was awesome! And a great start to the open house!
8 students and their parents attended yesterday. I'm expecting 2 more to come tomorrow. I think it's going to be a great year!
I'm ready.
I often think of that when something big is coming up..
Today I am signing to myself, "Put me in Coach, I'm ready..."
Bring on the class of 2026!
Tomorrow is the first day of preschool with this class.
Yesterday I met them all, well almost all of them anyways, at an Open House.
I was ready well in advance but still slightly nervous. Last year's open house for the class of 2025 was chaos...at it's purest form...kids everywhere, parents everywhere, toys covering the floor, little siblings screaming and running wild and one even climbed into the kitchen sink...
Fun, but chaotic.
I was expecting that again! 3:30 rolled around and I waited. Who would come first? When would they get there?
Then I heard voices and little feet...guess who the first person through the door was?
Remember the little lumber yard first aid boy from last year? Yep! He came to tell me all about his first 6 days of kindergarten. He brought with him a little buddy or maybe a cousin, starting preschool tomorrow....he gave the little boy a tour, he told him the ins and outs of preschool! It was awesome! And a great start to the open house!
8 students and their parents attended yesterday. I'm expecting 2 more to come tomorrow. I think it's going to be a great year!
I'm ready.
Camping
We finally went camping!
During seminary Joel went camping a couple of times with different friends, then we both went camping up North in MN with friends, and to a friends cabin in Wisconsin, we've camped at Lutherhaven and have stayed in cabins at camps...
But it's been a while...
Probably the most camping we've done over the past few years has been in a tent in our living room...staycationing...
But...
A couple of weekends ago. We slept in a church member's camper. Because lets face it, I was not about to sleep on the ground in a tent!
Church service the last Sunday in August was in the mountains at a rotary campground. It included both of our churches and 2 others...
The campground was reserved the night before for anyone who wanted to camp out.
We were planning on skipping that part and just going out Sunday morning. But Friday night a parishioner called and invited us to go camping...we could sleep in their camper!
We made it out there about 3 hours later than we thought we would, but just in time for dinner.
We enjoyed smores around the campfire, good conversation, a cozy sleep, some cool weather (finally!) and a wonderful church service the next day.
It's always fun to see Pastor Joel preaching and leading in a camp setting!
During seminary Joel went camping a couple of times with different friends, then we both went camping up North in MN with friends, and to a friends cabin in Wisconsin, we've camped at Lutherhaven and have stayed in cabins at camps...
But it's been a while...
Probably the most camping we've done over the past few years has been in a tent in our living room...staycationing...
But...
A couple of weekends ago. We slept in a church member's camper. Because lets face it, I was not about to sleep on the ground in a tent!
Church service the last Sunday in August was in the mountains at a rotary campground. It included both of our churches and 2 others...
The campground was reserved the night before for anyone who wanted to camp out.
We were planning on skipping that part and just going out Sunday morning. But Friday night a parishioner called and invited us to go camping...we could sleep in their camper!
We made it out there about 3 hours later than we thought we would, but just in time for dinner.
We enjoyed smores around the campfire, good conversation, a cozy sleep, some cool weather (finally!) and a wonderful church service the next day.
It's always fun to see Pastor Joel preaching and leading in a camp setting!
Friday, August 31, 2012
An A+ and 3 stars!
At Monday's 24 week appointment the girls and I received an A+ and 3 stars...
The A+ was for me, from the ultra sound tech...before and after looking at the girls she had to take pictures of me...at the end, as she was walking us to the appointment room, she said "you get an A+"!
The nurse and nurse practitioner were impressed!
Then the doctor came in and said our little girls are doing wonderfully...they get 3 stars he said.
Baby A weighs 1 pound 11 ounces, B weighs 1 pound 15 ounces, both have heart beats in the 150 and both are thriving...
Um, are they growing too fast or too slow I asked him...
He looked at me sort of weird and said no of course not, they are right on schedule.
You see, on that day I was 24 weeks and 4 days pregnant...but both girls measured at 25 weeks and 2 days...so I was just slightly worried.
Dr. Key said they are growing like singeltons which is a blessing because so often one twin steals from the other...I wonder if my twin and I did that?!
It's always a relief to know things are going well...and they still are...but towards the end of the appointment he gave me a slight scare...
He told me that I would be having contractions...WHAT? I thought to myself...4 in one hour is ok he said, but if I have 4 the hour following that I need to be seen immediately...
Um, that scared me. Confused me. Frightened me. I came home and sat in the recliner bathed in fear...bed and sleep could not come fast enough. I needed something to take my mind off of this.
After talking with my sisters and then scouring the Mayo Clinic pregnancy book I realized I was just fine. Deep breath. It's still slightly confusing but I have learned it is normal...and that real contractions and the ones I have now (if i'm having them?) are very different...not that I know, my sources tell me that though!
So onward...today we are 25 weeks and 1 day pregnant! I like getting to cross a day off the calendar!
The A+ was for me, from the ultra sound tech...before and after looking at the girls she had to take pictures of me...at the end, as she was walking us to the appointment room, she said "you get an A+"!
The nurse and nurse practitioner were impressed!
Then the doctor came in and said our little girls are doing wonderfully...they get 3 stars he said.
Baby A weighs 1 pound 11 ounces, B weighs 1 pound 15 ounces, both have heart beats in the 150 and both are thriving...
Um, are they growing too fast or too slow I asked him...
He looked at me sort of weird and said no of course not, they are right on schedule.
You see, on that day I was 24 weeks and 4 days pregnant...but both girls measured at 25 weeks and 2 days...so I was just slightly worried.
Dr. Key said they are growing like singeltons which is a blessing because so often one twin steals from the other...I wonder if my twin and I did that?!
It's always a relief to know things are going well...and they still are...but towards the end of the appointment he gave me a slight scare...
He told me that I would be having contractions...WHAT? I thought to myself...4 in one hour is ok he said, but if I have 4 the hour following that I need to be seen immediately...
Um, that scared me. Confused me. Frightened me. I came home and sat in the recliner bathed in fear...bed and sleep could not come fast enough. I needed something to take my mind off of this.
After talking with my sisters and then scouring the Mayo Clinic pregnancy book I realized I was just fine. Deep breath. It's still slightly confusing but I have learned it is normal...and that real contractions and the ones I have now (if i'm having them?) are very different...not that I know, my sources tell me that though!
So onward...today we are 25 weeks and 1 day pregnant! I like getting to cross a day off the calendar!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Vacation
We went on vacation. For 2 weeks. We returned last Tuesday.
It was a wonderful time...relaxing, memory filled, family filled, friend filled, trips to the beach filled, latte filled, baby shower filled, play filled...
It was hard to come back. We suffered the vacation let down...you know, when you have such a great time you feel really bummed having to go back to reality?
Yeah, that. But here we are, swimming in the midst of reality.
I have lots of pictures to share with you. In time. I can't find my card reader for my camera to put them on the computer...
Which reminds me, in the next 3 months I have mounds and mounds of organizing to do. Seriously. It's overwhelming. But I have not freaked out yet! That's a good sign. I expected the freaking out to start as we walked in the door late Tuesday night.
I think it's because I'm very tired. Oh so tired.
In the meantime, I have to pack us yet again...it seems too soon to pack again, but our churches are having church at a campground tomorrow morning...it's reserved overnight for anyone who wants to camp out. We were going to skip that part...I really don't feel like sleeping on the ground in a tent...
But yesterday some parishioners called us to invite us to camp with them...they have room in their camper for us...
Back on the road again.
The cleaning and organizing can wait, at least until tomorrow.
It was a wonderful time...relaxing, memory filled, family filled, friend filled, trips to the beach filled, latte filled, baby shower filled, play filled...
It was hard to come back. We suffered the vacation let down...you know, when you have such a great time you feel really bummed having to go back to reality?
Yeah, that. But here we are, swimming in the midst of reality.
I have lots of pictures to share with you. In time. I can't find my card reader for my camera to put them on the computer...
Which reminds me, in the next 3 months I have mounds and mounds of organizing to do. Seriously. It's overwhelming. But I have not freaked out yet! That's a good sign. I expected the freaking out to start as we walked in the door late Tuesday night.
I think it's because I'm very tired. Oh so tired.
In the meantime, I have to pack us yet again...it seems too soon to pack again, but our churches are having church at a campground tomorrow morning...it's reserved overnight for anyone who wants to camp out. We were going to skip that part...I really don't feel like sleeping on the ground in a tent...
But yesterday some parishioners called us to invite us to camp with them...they have room in their camper for us...
Back on the road again.
The cleaning and organizing can wait, at least until tomorrow.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Stressful morning...
Our morning has been full of stress...
All because of a tooth. Ugh! The root canal tooth.
I scheduled the appointment for the end of August, when we get home from vacation.
But yesterday it started hurting. It started stressing me out. As much as I don't want this root canal, as bad as it scares me for the babies, I don't want to be in tooth pain and have to take some sort of meds for that or for it to make me stressed...
I called the dentist and they can't get me in til next Wednesday...we're supposed to leave on vacation Tuesday.
I could cry, I am crying. I don't know what to do.
I'm waiting to see if their is a Monday cancellation. Shouldn't they just fit me in since I'm in pain?
When Joel returns from a meeting we're gonna decide...cut vacation a day short to have the appointment on Wednesday? Ask our dentist for another specialist referral who can get me in earlier?
I hate everything about this...:(
All because of a tooth. Ugh! The root canal tooth.
I scheduled the appointment for the end of August, when we get home from vacation.
But yesterday it started hurting. It started stressing me out. As much as I don't want this root canal, as bad as it scares me for the babies, I don't want to be in tooth pain and have to take some sort of meds for that or for it to make me stressed...
I called the dentist and they can't get me in til next Wednesday...we're supposed to leave on vacation Tuesday.
I could cry, I am crying. I don't know what to do.
I'm waiting to see if their is a Monday cancellation. Shouldn't they just fit me in since I'm in pain?
When Joel returns from a meeting we're gonna decide...cut vacation a day short to have the appointment on Wednesday? Ask our dentist for another specialist referral who can get me in earlier?
I hate everything about this...:(
Laughter
Seeing our girls on Monday at the ultra sound was fun!
They made us laugh...they made the tech laugh, maybe even more than us.
Baby A moved a lot, she is really hard to get a profile picture of because she doesn't stay still. Or she flips upside down...like several times while looking at her.
Baby B is way more chill. Way more chill...
The tech was so excited when she was able to capture a "lazy boy" shot of Baby B...it's her kicked back, looking like she is sitting in a lazy boy chair. We all laughed at that one...it will go in the picture frame for sure!
We have feet pictures of both girls, profile pics, one of them together...Baby B's body, Baby A's head...she took this one because as time goes on they will be too big to have pictures of them together.
We see them again in a month! In the meantime, we're waiting for kicks, lots of kicks!
They made us laugh...they made the tech laugh, maybe even more than us.
Baby A moved a lot, she is really hard to get a profile picture of because she doesn't stay still. Or she flips upside down...like several times while looking at her.
Baby B is way more chill. Way more chill...
The tech was so excited when she was able to capture a "lazy boy" shot of Baby B...it's her kicked back, looking like she is sitting in a lazy boy chair. We all laughed at that one...it will go in the picture frame for sure!
We have feet pictures of both girls, profile pics, one of them together...Baby B's body, Baby A's head...she took this one because as time goes on they will be too big to have pictures of them together.
We see them again in a month! In the meantime, we're waiting for kicks, lots of kicks!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Sleeping
I told Gretchen that sleeping was a problem for me...I mentioned how uncomfortable I was...
Her response: we have to have you rested, we have to treat this...
Um, well, let me tell you the rest:
She said Dr. Key would tell me to take Valerian root to help with sleep. Or I can take one benadryl.
Bottom line, they want me sleeping well at night. They want me taking naps if possible during the day. I need rest.
So, we bought some of the root...Gretchen warned us that is smells like really dirty gym socks...but she also assured us that once swallowed I would no longer smell that awful smell.
Have you ever taken this stuff?
I think it works. But imagine the worst thing you ever, I mean ever, smelled...this root smells like 100 times worse than that...
It's like really dirty gym socks mixed with the worst thing you have ever smelled.
The first night I took 1 pill and almost chocked it back up, it was awful. The bottle says to take 5 pills at a time...um, no thank you. Last night I decided to take another one...
This time, Joel opened the bottle, I had water in my hand, he pulled a pill out and set it on my tounge, I didn't breath...as I swallowed he held a tropical smelling candle up to my nose...once the pill was down I buried my nose in the candle...
Icky smell plus tropical smell was better than just icky smell! But the icky smell lingered....we had to wash our hands and put the bottle way away from us!
The plus is that the past 2 nights I have had much more restful sleep!
Her response: we have to have you rested, we have to treat this...
Um, well, let me tell you the rest:
She said Dr. Key would tell me to take Valerian root to help with sleep. Or I can take one benadryl.
Bottom line, they want me sleeping well at night. They want me taking naps if possible during the day. I need rest.
So, we bought some of the root...Gretchen warned us that is smells like really dirty gym socks...but she also assured us that once swallowed I would no longer smell that awful smell.
Have you ever taken this stuff?
I think it works. But imagine the worst thing you ever, I mean ever, smelled...this root smells like 100 times worse than that...
It's like really dirty gym socks mixed with the worst thing you have ever smelled.
The first night I took 1 pill and almost chocked it back up, it was awful. The bottle says to take 5 pills at a time...um, no thank you. Last night I decided to take another one...
This time, Joel opened the bottle, I had water in my hand, he pulled a pill out and set it on my tounge, I didn't breath...as I swallowed he held a tropical smelling candle up to my nose...once the pill was down I buried my nose in the candle...
Icky smell plus tropical smell was better than just icky smell! But the icky smell lingered....we had to wash our hands and put the bottle way away from us!
The plus is that the past 2 nights I have had much more restful sleep!
Sheep farmer
Our doctor is a sheep farmer!
On Monday we had our 20 week ultra sound and check up. We knew we were having the check up with Gretchen, the P.A. But we had a different nurse this time...she told us Ronnie was on vacation so she was just filling in for her...
During the appointment with Gretchen she told us Dr. Key was at the fair that day showing his sheep... Ronnie was with him taking pictures!
It made us want to stop by the fair to see the sheep.
But it was 90+ degrees out and I just didn't really want to walk around in the heat nor did I want to smell fair live stock barns!
We went to Starbucks instead. They have air conditioner and iced drinks!
On Monday we had our 20 week ultra sound and check up. We knew we were having the check up with Gretchen, the P.A. But we had a different nurse this time...she told us Ronnie was on vacation so she was just filling in for her...
During the appointment with Gretchen she told us Dr. Key was at the fair that day showing his sheep... Ronnie was with him taking pictures!
It made us want to stop by the fair to see the sheep.
But it was 90+ degrees out and I just didn't really want to walk around in the heat nor did I want to smell fair live stock barns!
We went to Starbucks instead. They have air conditioner and iced drinks!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Dentist Day...
I might also refer to this day as doomsday...
First came a teeth cleaning. That went fine. But as I was nearly upside down in the dental chair, not feeling my babies moving, fear set in...
Then 30 minutes after the teeth cleaning was finished I had an appointment with the doctor to check the tooth with a temporary crown put on in January.
Bad news.
I knew this was coming...
I have to have a root canal. Boo.
Can I wait til January? I wondered aloud...
"I wouldn't", he said.
It has to be done in the second trimester because that is the safest.
That's scary.
It terrifies me actually.
Monday when we have another ultra sound to check in on the babes and then a check up on me I am going to ask Gretchen if this is all ok.
Then the dreaded appointment will be scheduled. Maybe the dentist will let Joel into the room with me, he can hold my hand, calm me down, help me through...
Peace, Lord, we seek peace!
First came a teeth cleaning. That went fine. But as I was nearly upside down in the dental chair, not feeling my babies moving, fear set in...
Then 30 minutes after the teeth cleaning was finished I had an appointment with the doctor to check the tooth with a temporary crown put on in January.
Bad news.
I knew this was coming...
I have to have a root canal. Boo.
Can I wait til January? I wondered aloud...
"I wouldn't", he said.
It has to be done in the second trimester because that is the safest.
That's scary.
It terrifies me actually.
Monday when we have another ultra sound to check in on the babes and then a check up on me I am going to ask Gretchen if this is all ok.
Then the dreaded appointment will be scheduled. Maybe the dentist will let Joel into the room with me, he can hold my hand, calm me down, help me through...
Peace, Lord, we seek peace!
Fear
Some days I am filled with fear...
What if something I ate hurt the baby girls growing inside of me?
What is something is wrong with them?
When will they arrive?
Will everything keep going as well as it has been?
What could go wrong?
Is this really happening?
I read a tweet from a friend a few nights ago, it was a quote from an article in Fit Pregnancy. It was about pregnancy after infertility...to sum it up it said that we've spent years in treatments, in heartache, in pain...we been through one failed treatment after another...
Until we've finally been through the one that doesn't fail. The treatment that finally worked...
And it's oh so hard to believe...something we've imagined time and time again and it's happening. Really?
Yes, really. I feel our baby girl moving inside of me. Each ultra sound, as scared as we are moments before, shows that they are perfect...
Well, speaking of fear, at the 16 week ultra sound the tech did say that Baby B's heart was a tad small so she would measure it again really thouroughly at the 20 week appointnemt...
The Dr. said both hearts looked great!
Wondering why I haven't said a thing about Baby B's heart? Well, because it scared us, and because the doctor's words reassured us...she will be fine.
I daily remind myself of the scripture that a friend sent right before transfer day back in March..."Perfect love drives out fear..."
Some days those words carry me.
What if something I ate hurt the baby girls growing inside of me?
What is something is wrong with them?
When will they arrive?
Will everything keep going as well as it has been?
What could go wrong?
Is this really happening?
I read a tweet from a friend a few nights ago, it was a quote from an article in Fit Pregnancy. It was about pregnancy after infertility...to sum it up it said that we've spent years in treatments, in heartache, in pain...we been through one failed treatment after another...
Until we've finally been through the one that doesn't fail. The treatment that finally worked...
And it's oh so hard to believe...something we've imagined time and time again and it's happening. Really?
Yes, really. I feel our baby girl moving inside of me. Each ultra sound, as scared as we are moments before, shows that they are perfect...
Well, speaking of fear, at the 16 week ultra sound the tech did say that Baby B's heart was a tad small so she would measure it again really thouroughly at the 20 week appointnemt...
The Dr. said both hearts looked great!
Wondering why I haven't said a thing about Baby B's heart? Well, because it scared us, and because the doctor's words reassured us...she will be fine.
I daily remind myself of the scripture that a friend sent right before transfer day back in March..."Perfect love drives out fear..."
Some days those words carry me.
More on crib bedding...
Looking back on Monday, when I purchased the crib bedding of our dreams...
I realize I was having a freak out. I cannot be trusted to make decisions. At all!
By Wednesday I no longer wanted the crib bedding! Seriously! Then I felt bad about that decision.
In comes Joel and Carol from church...Joel was so understanding. Carol was so reassuring...
It is ok for me to purchase crib bedding and send it back, she told me!
What I really want is bedding with aqua...my true color love! The color, one of them, I have been imagining for this beachy serene nursery! I found 3 more sets (with the help of Jenn and Anne...THANKS) since Monday that I like...one I have eliminated (it had birds). The other two I really do like. They are calming and cool and white and aqua.
I'm sleeping on it before making a decision!
I realize I was having a freak out. I cannot be trusted to make decisions. At all!
By Wednesday I no longer wanted the crib bedding! Seriously! Then I felt bad about that decision.
In comes Joel and Carol from church...Joel was so understanding. Carol was so reassuring...
It is ok for me to purchase crib bedding and send it back, she told me!
What I really want is bedding with aqua...my true color love! The color, one of them, I have been imagining for this beachy serene nursery! I found 3 more sets (with the help of Jenn and Anne...THANKS) since Monday that I like...one I have eliminated (it had birds). The other two I really do like. They are calming and cool and white and aqua.
I'm sleeping on it before making a decision!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Roller coaster
I think our girls are going to grow up to love roller coasters!
Why?
Because of how I sleep.
I have never been a person who sleeps calmly...I move a lot. Even pre-pregnancy.
But now it is so much worse. I toss and turn all night. And I always feel something when I move...either pain or them moving around with me...
And I'm convinced it's like a roller coaster ride for them!
I can't even sit still on the couch for long...I have to shift positions. I know a huge part of all of that is being pregnant with twins and uncomfortable already!
But part of it also it because pre-pregnancy I was a stomach sleeper and even then I got really restless really fast. Restless leg syndrome, a real thing, is even worse when pregnant.
It's an adventure for sure! And one we're basking in...even during late night wake-ups and frustrations over sleeping! I guess it's just good preparation for the arrival of our miracles!
Why?
Because of how I sleep.
I have never been a person who sleeps calmly...I move a lot. Even pre-pregnancy.
But now it is so much worse. I toss and turn all night. And I always feel something when I move...either pain or them moving around with me...
And I'm convinced it's like a roller coaster ride for them!
I can't even sit still on the couch for long...I have to shift positions. I know a huge part of all of that is being pregnant with twins and uncomfortable already!
But part of it also it because pre-pregnancy I was a stomach sleeper and even then I got really restless really fast. Restless leg syndrome, a real thing, is even worse when pregnant.
It's an adventure for sure! And one we're basking in...even during late night wake-ups and frustrations over sleeping! I guess it's just good preparation for the arrival of our miracles!
Life
Sometimes I feel really overwhelmed.
And tired. And sick. And sad. And happy.
Then I feel bad.
I don't have the right to feel any of those things, do I? I know I do, this is life, it might be a life that's still sinking in to us, but this is life.
This is quite the ride. It's joy filled and scary.
It's the most surreal thing we have ever done in our lives.
Maybe all those other surreal things we did, like going to seminary, internship, the mayo clinic, moving to Montana...were all to prepare us for this.
I was thinking today about egg retrieval day and groggily waking up in recovery hearing what I thought was something about 10 eggs...
Then I was finally alert and Dr. Shomento indeed said they were able to harvest 10 eggs...
I remember being disappointed and wondering if we did something wrong along the way...but then as the days and the weeks unfolded we received our miracle! Times two!
I don't know how to put it into words. I don't even know how to feel on this day...it's just, well, how I feel.
It's fascinating because people tell you all of these awful things about having kids, once you're pregnant, and it's weird...isn't joy in there also? I hear how fun it will be, how hard it will be, how exhausting...I hear girls are way harder than boys, I hear at least once a week at church that I am fat (usually during the sharing of the peace)...I hear that there are rumors going around town that I can't teach preschool anymore because of twins, I hear my "boss" saying we'd better meet to talk because she isn't sure I'm up for teaching being pregnant and all...I know I haven't heard it all...but some days it feels like it!
It's weird.
And I think to myself...am I supposed to be a recluse, shut myself off, because me being pregnant isn't fair to people? Am I suppose to not teach because I'll be too "fat"? News flash, if I don't teach I have to find another job, and that's the last thing I want to do!
I've probably had too much time to think today! But in the midst of that I've been productive...I've swept, done load after load of laundry, marked maternity clothes people have loaned me and then organized them all, cleaned the kitchen, worked on cleaning the bedroom, watched cupcake wars and now I'm thinking about baking a cake! And resting, I have to rest!
And tired. And sick. And sad. And happy.
Then I feel bad.
I don't have the right to feel any of those things, do I? I know I do, this is life, it might be a life that's still sinking in to us, but this is life.
This is quite the ride. It's joy filled and scary.
It's the most surreal thing we have ever done in our lives.
Maybe all those other surreal things we did, like going to seminary, internship, the mayo clinic, moving to Montana...were all to prepare us for this.
I was thinking today about egg retrieval day and groggily waking up in recovery hearing what I thought was something about 10 eggs...
Then I was finally alert and Dr. Shomento indeed said they were able to harvest 10 eggs...
I remember being disappointed and wondering if we did something wrong along the way...but then as the days and the weeks unfolded we received our miracle! Times two!
I don't know how to put it into words. I don't even know how to feel on this day...it's just, well, how I feel.
It's fascinating because people tell you all of these awful things about having kids, once you're pregnant, and it's weird...isn't joy in there also? I hear how fun it will be, how hard it will be, how exhausting...I hear girls are way harder than boys, I hear at least once a week at church that I am fat (usually during the sharing of the peace)...I hear that there are rumors going around town that I can't teach preschool anymore because of twins, I hear my "boss" saying we'd better meet to talk because she isn't sure I'm up for teaching being pregnant and all...I know I haven't heard it all...but some days it feels like it!
It's weird.
And I think to myself...am I supposed to be a recluse, shut myself off, because me being pregnant isn't fair to people? Am I suppose to not teach because I'll be too "fat"? News flash, if I don't teach I have to find another job, and that's the last thing I want to do!
I've probably had too much time to think today! But in the midst of that I've been productive...I've swept, done load after load of laundry, marked maternity clothes people have loaned me and then organized them all, cleaned the kitchen, worked on cleaning the bedroom, watched cupcake wars and now I'm thinking about baking a cake! And resting, I have to rest!
Monday, July 23, 2012
the search for crib bedding
I've been searching high and low and all around for crib bedding that I like.
It's been frustrating and overwhelming! It's nearly impossible to find little girl bedding for a beach themed nursery...
Combine that with sort of knowing what I wanted in my head, but not knowing for sure...
Aqua colored, pink, purple, gray, polka dots, starfish, stripes, whales...I was looking for any or all.
I was just getting ready to look up patterns for one, and beg for help making them, when I found something.
But guess what?
It was sold out, unavailable anywhere but ebay...and on ebay is was way too expensive.
It wasn't a big deal really, but I was making it one! I was making it a really big deal. Poor Joel!
Enter Atlanta, Manhattan Beach, CA., Mission Viejo, CA., San Diego, CA, Canada (which was never called, but I did check there), Florida...
The nice lady on the phone with me was calling all these stores, checking to see what pieces they had, then relaying the information to me and giving me their numbers!
One store in California had 2 crib skirts but one was one hold for someone...they would let me know if that fell thru...Another store had 1 sheet but I wanted 2...lots of other stores had the boy version of the sheet but not the girl one...
We called a nice lady named Bradley in Mission Viejo, CA. who looked up more stores for us, and that was after I was on the phone with the company for probably 30 minutes while she called places...
It was an adventure!
We finally found what we wanted in Atlanta and Chicago! It's currently enroute to us!
It's been frustrating and overwhelming! It's nearly impossible to find little girl bedding for a beach themed nursery...
Combine that with sort of knowing what I wanted in my head, but not knowing for sure...
Aqua colored, pink, purple, gray, polka dots, starfish, stripes, whales...I was looking for any or all.
I was just getting ready to look up patterns for one, and beg for help making them, when I found something.
But guess what?
It was sold out, unavailable anywhere but ebay...and on ebay is was way too expensive.
It wasn't a big deal really, but I was making it one! I was making it a really big deal. Poor Joel!
Enter Atlanta, Manhattan Beach, CA., Mission Viejo, CA., San Diego, CA, Canada (which was never called, but I did check there), Florida...
The nice lady on the phone with me was calling all these stores, checking to see what pieces they had, then relaying the information to me and giving me their numbers!
One store in California had 2 crib skirts but one was one hold for someone...they would let me know if that fell thru...Another store had 1 sheet but I wanted 2...lots of other stores had the boy version of the sheet but not the girl one...
We called a nice lady named Bradley in Mission Viejo, CA. who looked up more stores for us, and that was after I was on the phone with the company for probably 30 minutes while she called places...
It was an adventure!
We finally found what we wanted in Atlanta and Chicago! It's currently enroute to us!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
The couch
Our couch is old, used (it was used when we bought it 5 years ago) and purple.
And I love it.
Joel has been looking for a new one for months! Not very seriously, but still searching...
About once a month we go into Northern Home Essentials in Havre and sit on the couches they have for sale. But we have not purchased one. We probably won't for a long time, but it's fun to look.
The purple one is sort of falling apart. It creaks, it groans, and the back is loose.
Oh the purple couch. Even some day when we get a new one, I want to keep this one!
The problem now is that I'm just beginning to have troubles with this couch...
Carrying twins around, that are about 5 months along now, makes it, well, hard to get up off the couch...already! I sort of sink down into it, anyone who sits on it does. It's old.
I knew our world was changing a couple of days ago when I had to move out of the couch to the brown recliner...I needed more support...
It was sort of a big moment...I love our purple couch! So, now I trade off, time on the couch, time in the recliner...and so far I'm staying pretty comfortable.
And I love it.
Joel has been looking for a new one for months! Not very seriously, but still searching...
About once a month we go into Northern Home Essentials in Havre and sit on the couches they have for sale. But we have not purchased one. We probably won't for a long time, but it's fun to look.
The purple one is sort of falling apart. It creaks, it groans, and the back is loose.
Oh the purple couch. Even some day when we get a new one, I want to keep this one!
The problem now is that I'm just beginning to have troubles with this couch...
Carrying twins around, that are about 5 months along now, makes it, well, hard to get up off the couch...already! I sort of sink down into it, anyone who sits on it does. It's old.
I knew our world was changing a couple of days ago when I had to move out of the couch to the brown recliner...I needed more support...
It was sort of a big moment...I love our purple couch! So, now I trade off, time on the couch, time in the recliner...and so far I'm staying pretty comfortable.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Camp
We spent the week last week at Flathead Lutheran Bible Camp.
It was our first time there. We had a great week...
Relaxing, eating, napping, swimming, playing, some children's sermons for Joel...
Lots of up and down hills.
There are a lot of hills at that camp! A lot. There was so much of camp we never we saw because it was up too high!
I was so tired. Tuesday we walked to the Outdoor chapel for morning worship and I remember saying the word "terrible" on the trek up. It was terrible. I had no idea what I was getting into. I should have stopped a quarter of the way up and turned around but Joel was already at the top and...
Well, I just kept going. And I paid all day for it. I took 2 naps that day. My rhythm was nap, eat, nap, eat...rest, sit in the lake because I had no energy to swim but needed cooled off, go to worship, bed.
Even though a lot of napping took place we did not miss out on any activity we wanted to be at...
And really my role during the week was to rest and relax, Joel's too but he had a few more responsibilities.
During open time, nearly every day, we were able to connect with kids from our churches which was cool...foos ball, ping pong, visiting by the sand box, hanging out at the water front.
Oh and one morning we checked kids in and out at the water front.
One of the best parts was the other pastors and their families their that week. We reconnected with a seminary family serving in Western Washington that we hadn't seen for 2 years! And we made friends with another pastor family from Western Washington and a pastor from Missoula...great connecting!
Our cabin was right on the lake, campfire chapel right outside our door...beautiful! I loved it! Great way to spend a week.
It was our first time there. We had a great week...
Relaxing, eating, napping, swimming, playing, some children's sermons for Joel...
Lots of up and down hills.
There are a lot of hills at that camp! A lot. There was so much of camp we never we saw because it was up too high!
I was so tired. Tuesday we walked to the Outdoor chapel for morning worship and I remember saying the word "terrible" on the trek up. It was terrible. I had no idea what I was getting into. I should have stopped a quarter of the way up and turned around but Joel was already at the top and...
Well, I just kept going. And I paid all day for it. I took 2 naps that day. My rhythm was nap, eat, nap, eat...rest, sit in the lake because I had no energy to swim but needed cooled off, go to worship, bed.
Even though a lot of napping took place we did not miss out on any activity we wanted to be at...
And really my role during the week was to rest and relax, Joel's too but he had a few more responsibilities.
During open time, nearly every day, we were able to connect with kids from our churches which was cool...foos ball, ping pong, visiting by the sand box, hanging out at the water front.
Oh and one morning we checked kids in and out at the water front.
One of the best parts was the other pastors and their families their that week. We reconnected with a seminary family serving in Western Washington that we hadn't seen for 2 years! And we made friends with another pastor family from Western Washington and a pastor from Missoula...great connecting!
Our cabin was right on the lake, campfire chapel right outside our door...beautiful! I loved it! Great way to spend a week.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Luke
For many years we've planned on naming our first son Luke.
Back in March, the day after transfer of our, what we now know them to be, baby girl embryos, I couldn't stop thinking about the Florida embryos...
So healthy, frozen and on their way to sunnyville!
I had a very strong sense that Luke was on his way to Florida...and that we had girls on the way!
During the weeks that followed I waivered...
Girl, Girl or Girl, boy? I never did think we had two boys on the way.
I have hope that those embryos will be successfully implanted someday and give us more babies...one, or maybe two, or three...
Whatever the number, I'm convinced that Luke is there, and someday we'll make the decision to implant him and let him grow!
Back in March, the day after transfer of our, what we now know them to be, baby girl embryos, I couldn't stop thinking about the Florida embryos...
So healthy, frozen and on their way to sunnyville!
I had a very strong sense that Luke was on his way to Florida...and that we had girls on the way!
During the weeks that followed I waivered...
Girl, Girl or Girl, boy? I never did think we had two boys on the way.
I have hope that those embryos will be successfully implanted someday and give us more babies...one, or maybe two, or three...
Whatever the number, I'm convinced that Luke is there, and someday we'll make the decision to implant him and let him grow!
Beautiful Blessings
Monday we had a 16 week ultra sound. Kay, the technician said first she was going to take some doctor pictures then she would look for gender...
"Do you guys want to know?" she asked.
"Yes"! I said with a little laugh in my voice.
I could not believe that moment was upon us...wow...so much thinking about it over the previous few months.
So much imagining, wondering, planning...
Baby A up first..."looks like this one is a girl" she said!
"I thought there was a girl in there" I said!
I began to tear up, my heart skipped a beat...Baby B's turn...
Another girl, at least she thought so! What? Another girl? Hmm...sort of what I was expecting, but I also had wondered if there was a boy! She checked Baby B at the end and said for sure she is a girl.
Much more measuring and picture taking then the doctor came in.
The first thing he said is that our babies are beautiful blessings. Two healthy fraternal twin girls! He then told us how relieved he was to share good news with us that day...
You see, he spent the morning with a patient of his, 37 weeks pregnant...over the weekend her husband died expectantly. Also, hH woke up that morning to a story in the newspaper about a lady who drowned in the river...she was also one of his patients...
So much heartache. He just kept saying over and over again what beautiful blessings we have, and how blessed he was to be able to tell us that!
"Do you guys want to know?" she asked.
"Yes"! I said with a little laugh in my voice.
I could not believe that moment was upon us...wow...so much thinking about it over the previous few months.
So much imagining, wondering, planning...
Baby A up first..."looks like this one is a girl" she said!
"I thought there was a girl in there" I said!
I began to tear up, my heart skipped a beat...Baby B's turn...
Another girl, at least she thought so! What? Another girl? Hmm...sort of what I was expecting, but I also had wondered if there was a boy! She checked Baby B at the end and said for sure she is a girl.
Much more measuring and picture taking then the doctor came in.
The first thing he said is that our babies are beautiful blessings. Two healthy fraternal twin girls! He then told us how relieved he was to share good news with us that day...
You see, he spent the morning with a patient of his, 37 weeks pregnant...over the weekend her husband died expectantly. Also, hH woke up that morning to a story in the newspaper about a lady who drowned in the river...she was also one of his patients...
So much heartache. He just kept saying over and over again what beautiful blessings we have, and how blessed he was to be able to tell us that!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Medicine drama...
Well, not really drama. I just made it drama this entire past week...
I'm still taking the anti-nausea meds. They can only give me 12 pills at a time. The last time Gretchen called in a prescription she gave me 3 refills.
On Tuesday we got the last one filled...
Sunday, tomorrow, we are leaving for a few days in Pierce then the Skindlov family reunion at Camp Lutherhaven...
And I was stressed. What if I ran out of pills on the trip, I only had 12? Should I hoard them and only use if I feel really sick? I didn't have any refills left. Should I call the doctor? Can a pharmacy somewhere else fill it without refills? Will they give me a refill this soon after I got the last one refilled? Will the doctor think I am taking it too often? Was the last prescription supposed to last me til our appt July 2? Why couldn't it have just lasted me til July 2? Why didn't I plan better?
Whew!
That took up a lot of thinking space in my brain this week. Way too much thinking space.
Thursday we went to the pharmacy and even as we're standing in line I'm so worked up over this...so silly.
And I notice that Cindy, our friend pharmacist, wasn't there and I got more worked up.
"Don't worry" Joel said...and then to the counter we went...Joel and the ladies there handled everything...I did not have to worry, AT ALL...Joel told them what we needed in a much better way than I was going to, the ladies talked through it with him, they told me not to worry, not to make any phone calls, to just come back later for the meds...
When we did go back a different person helped us and she said they could only give me 12 pills...my heart sunk...then she said it was $43 and it was only supposed to be $8...grrr...
But as we walked away I looked in the bottle and they gave me 48 pills! It worked out! I have enough meds now for vacation!
I know I created this wild not fun roller coaster ride that lasted all week that I did not even need to create...but oh well. It is what it is. I'm just so grateful that Joel and the pharmacy took care of it for me!
I'm still taking the anti-nausea meds. They can only give me 12 pills at a time. The last time Gretchen called in a prescription she gave me 3 refills.
On Tuesday we got the last one filled...
Sunday, tomorrow, we are leaving for a few days in Pierce then the Skindlov family reunion at Camp Lutherhaven...
And I was stressed. What if I ran out of pills on the trip, I only had 12? Should I hoard them and only use if I feel really sick? I didn't have any refills left. Should I call the doctor? Can a pharmacy somewhere else fill it without refills? Will they give me a refill this soon after I got the last one refilled? Will the doctor think I am taking it too often? Was the last prescription supposed to last me til our appt July 2? Why couldn't it have just lasted me til July 2? Why didn't I plan better?
Whew!
That took up a lot of thinking space in my brain this week. Way too much thinking space.
Thursday we went to the pharmacy and even as we're standing in line I'm so worked up over this...so silly.
And I notice that Cindy, our friend pharmacist, wasn't there and I got more worked up.
"Don't worry" Joel said...and then to the counter we went...Joel and the ladies there handled everything...I did not have to worry, AT ALL...Joel told them what we needed in a much better way than I was going to, the ladies talked through it with him, they told me not to worry, not to make any phone calls, to just come back later for the meds...
When we did go back a different person helped us and she said they could only give me 12 pills...my heart sunk...then she said it was $43 and it was only supposed to be $8...grrr...
But as we walked away I looked in the bottle and they gave me 48 pills! It worked out! I have enough meds now for vacation!
I know I created this wild not fun roller coaster ride that lasted all week that I did not even need to create...but oh well. It is what it is. I'm just so grateful that Joel and the pharmacy took care of it for me!
A baby rap
A few nights ago Joel rapped for our babies!
I'm sure they could hear him, at least all the updates I get from various websites said they can.
It was oh so sweet.
I wish I had it recorded. I bet we have little rappers growing in there...
But even if they're not, that's ok, because they will still get to listen to the joyous sound of daddy rapping as they grow inside and many times over once they are born.
Maybe they will even be better beat boxers than mommy!
I could have a future rapping trio on my hands!
I'm sure they could hear him, at least all the updates I get from various websites said they can.
It was oh so sweet.
I wish I had it recorded. I bet we have little rappers growing in there...
But even if they're not, that's ok, because they will still get to listen to the joyous sound of daddy rapping as they grow inside and many times over once they are born.
Maybe they will even be better beat boxers than mommy!
I could have a future rapping trio on my hands!
IVF history
I wanted to share this link with you:
http://vitals.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/06/21/12341304-mom-of-first-ivf-baby-has-died
It's a story about the first woman to give birth to an IVF baby in 1978.
She recently passed away at the age of 64.
The story includes a picture of her, her IVF baby (now 33, or maybe 34), the IVF babies' son and the doctor who performed the miracle...
Wow.
I couldn't believe it.
It's an honor, really, to be part of this...
The same year I was born a miracle on the other side of the world happened, and now 33 years later, the babies growing inside of me are a result of years of perfecting that miracle.
To be chosen to be part of this story, by God our Father, for reasons we will never understand...is powerful. I'll shout it from the rooftops...it might have taken years, loads of heartache, skilled doctors, and tons of hormones but our miracles are on their way! Thank you Jesus!
And in the midst of my tears of joy and tears of sorrow for the pain that goes into seeing a miracle like this happen, and for the miracles that still await, in the midst of pain along the journey...my prayer is that our babies, our story, will help spread hope...IVF works!
http://vitals.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/06/21/12341304-mom-of-first-ivf-baby-has-died
It's a story about the first woman to give birth to an IVF baby in 1978.
She recently passed away at the age of 64.
The story includes a picture of her, her IVF baby (now 33, or maybe 34), the IVF babies' son and the doctor who performed the miracle...
Wow.
I couldn't believe it.
It's an honor, really, to be part of this...
The same year I was born a miracle on the other side of the world happened, and now 33 years later, the babies growing inside of me are a result of years of perfecting that miracle.
To be chosen to be part of this story, by God our Father, for reasons we will never understand...is powerful. I'll shout it from the rooftops...it might have taken years, loads of heartache, skilled doctors, and tons of hormones but our miracles are on their way! Thank you Jesus!
And in the midst of my tears of joy and tears of sorrow for the pain that goes into seeing a miracle like this happen, and for the miracles that still await, in the midst of pain along the journey...my prayer is that our babies, our story, will help spread hope...IVF works!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Father's Day
One of my most vivid memories of our infertility journey is Father's Day 2010...
Joel and I sitting one the flowered couch in our Williston, ND house, on internship...holding hands, tears running down our faces. I remember saying something like, I'm sorry I haven't made you a daddy yet.
So much pain.
I thought about that day a lot yesterday. Remembering the pain, in the midst of smiles, joy, happiness...
We had a low key celebration of Joel's first, daddy-to-be Father's Day!
Church was a joint service in Big Sandy followed by a potluck.
Then we rested, and sat on the deck in the glorious sunshine, sipping lemonade and reading. It was so relaxing. Dinner was hamburgers, a shared baked potato and fruit. It was a really nice day.
I told Joel that this day next year we'll be sitting on the deck, each with a small child on our laps! Oh how life is changing!
Joel and I sitting one the flowered couch in our Williston, ND house, on internship...holding hands, tears running down our faces. I remember saying something like, I'm sorry I haven't made you a daddy yet.
So much pain.
I thought about that day a lot yesterday. Remembering the pain, in the midst of smiles, joy, happiness...
We had a low key celebration of Joel's first, daddy-to-be Father's Day!
Church was a joint service in Big Sandy followed by a potluck.
Then we rested, and sat on the deck in the glorious sunshine, sipping lemonade and reading. It was so relaxing. Dinner was hamburgers, a shared baked potato and fruit. It was a really nice day.
I told Joel that this day next year we'll be sitting on the deck, each with a small child on our laps! Oh how life is changing!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Reserved Parking
Monday we went to Great Falls for an oil change on the subbie. When that was finished we headed, of course, to Starbucks!
Then Sears. Which is in pretty much the same parking lot as Starbucks, just behind it...
As we were driving around looking for a parking spot, I noticed this sign...
Wait, stop I cried! Joel slowly drove past the sign...go back I said. He was in disbelief! Me too...I was actually laughing really hard, at his disbelief and that I was getting him to back up.
He wasn't sure we should park there. I wasn't sure I looked pregnant enough to park there. But I got him to pull into the spot and turn the car off!
My back hurt. I thought that justified it.
We decided to get proof...pregnant lady with the sign...
Then Sears. Which is in pretty much the same parking lot as Starbucks, just behind it...
As we were driving around looking for a parking spot, I noticed this sign...
Wait, stop I cried! Joel slowly drove past the sign...go back I said. He was in disbelief! Me too...I was actually laughing really hard, at his disbelief and that I was getting him to back up.
He wasn't sure we should park there. I wasn't sure I looked pregnant enough to park there. But I got him to pull into the spot and turn the car off!
My back hurt. I thought that justified it.
We decided to get proof...pregnant lady with the sign...
What to expect when you're expecting
The movie.
We watched it last Friday. I cried, I laughed, I cried some more.
Tears of joy and sadness!
It was a really good movie. Go watch it! Joel liked it also!
So much happiness in it, sadness, funny and joy...I loved the moments so intense and joy filled that I cried happy tears. The sad parts were, well, they had to be there.
The movie covered so many scenarios...infertility, surprise pregnancy, adoption, etc...
Worth the watch.
The best part was near the end they used one of our favorite names! It was like I was having a moment when I heard them say it...it was like a sign!
Now I'm even more excited to find out soon who is growing inside of me!
I told Joel just this morning that I am ok with boy, boy or girl, boy or girl, girl...
But then I said, "but looking at their pictures, don't you think one of them looks like a girl?"! Of course he answered yes, he probably thought he sort of had too, haha!:)
We watched it last Friday. I cried, I laughed, I cried some more.
Tears of joy and sadness!
It was a really good movie. Go watch it! Joel liked it also!
So much happiness in it, sadness, funny and joy...I loved the moments so intense and joy filled that I cried happy tears. The sad parts were, well, they had to be there.
The movie covered so many scenarios...infertility, surprise pregnancy, adoption, etc...
Worth the watch.
The best part was near the end they used one of our favorite names! It was like I was having a moment when I heard them say it...it was like a sign!
Now I'm even more excited to find out soon who is growing inside of me!
I told Joel just this morning that I am ok with boy, boy or girl, boy or girl, girl...
But then I said, "but looking at their pictures, don't you think one of them looks like a girl?"! Of course he answered yes, he probably thought he sort of had too, haha!:)
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Joy and so much more
Let's me be real here for a moment...
I feel tired, I feel sick, I'm tired of puking and I want to feel better...I'm overwhelmed.
There, I said it. I was honest.
A couple of weeks ago I was near a meltdown. I felt like I was being crushed under the weight of surrealness (which I know isn't really a word, stick with me here) and being oh so overwhelmed.
The truth is, having gone through years of infertility, I thought once we received the news of our growing miracles I was only allowed to feel joy...
Which I did and do feel.
There is just so much more to it. There is so much to think about. There is so much fear and exhaustion and confusion and sickness and headaches.
And joy.
Unspeakable joy.
But the joy didn't become that, honestly, until the last ultra sound. I think I was just too scared up to that point...but seeing the babies that day, well I was grinning from ear to ear.
Everyone tells you that pregnancy isn't always easy, but when you're caught up in another sort of pain you don't focus on that, you focus on the miracle.
Then when the puking starts and the clothes stop fitting and you're trying, really, to figure out how to handle this new body of yours, well...
That's when the near meltdown happened.
Add on top of that the added tears and the guilt that I'm happy when so many of my friends are still longing for their own miracle and you've really got a mountain of near meltdown!
But then I saw our babies again and we had a great appointment with Gretchen, the nurse practitioner, and the joy just kept coming!
The joy truly is boundless, the baby bump is growing, the throwing up is torturous, the exhaustion is hard to get used to, the getting ready is overwhelming, the nursery planning and the to-buy list we have created is more than we can handle most days...
But we love it all, now I just can't wait to feel the babies move and learn their gender, in less than a month!
I feel tired, I feel sick, I'm tired of puking and I want to feel better...I'm overwhelmed.
There, I said it. I was honest.
A couple of weeks ago I was near a meltdown. I felt like I was being crushed under the weight of surrealness (which I know isn't really a word, stick with me here) and being oh so overwhelmed.
The truth is, having gone through years of infertility, I thought once we received the news of our growing miracles I was only allowed to feel joy...
Which I did and do feel.
There is just so much more to it. There is so much to think about. There is so much fear and exhaustion and confusion and sickness and headaches.
And joy.
Unspeakable joy.
But the joy didn't become that, honestly, until the last ultra sound. I think I was just too scared up to that point...but seeing the babies that day, well I was grinning from ear to ear.
Everyone tells you that pregnancy isn't always easy, but when you're caught up in another sort of pain you don't focus on that, you focus on the miracle.
Then when the puking starts and the clothes stop fitting and you're trying, really, to figure out how to handle this new body of yours, well...
That's when the near meltdown happened.
Add on top of that the added tears and the guilt that I'm happy when so many of my friends are still longing for their own miracle and you've really got a mountain of near meltdown!
But then I saw our babies again and we had a great appointment with Gretchen, the nurse practitioner, and the joy just kept coming!
The joy truly is boundless, the baby bump is growing, the throwing up is torturous, the exhaustion is hard to get used to, the getting ready is overwhelming, the nursery planning and the to-buy list we have created is more than we can handle most days...
But we love it all, now I just can't wait to feel the babies move and learn their gender, in less than a month!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
The power of story
I have noticed, especially this weekend, that people always follow up our news of twins with, "are there twins in either of your families?".
I answer, of course, by saying I am a twin. Which automatically makes them think that we're having twins because there are twins in the family...
Which isn't the case...
I feel prompted to tell them we did fertility treatments and that's the reason for this double adventure!
Sharing just a part of our story, in the 2 minutes or less I have with them, is so powerful...
I often here people in response tell us they did the same thing...some sort of fertility treatments...
Or they are parents because of the gift of adoption...
Or their daughter, niece or sister did treatments...
Or they themselves are struggling with infertility and what treatment did we do and where.
A silent journey, pain filled, but so meant to be shared, at least for us. So many doors opened. This is part of our story. And I pray that God is writing ours in this way so we can share hope with others.
One girl, and I was sharing that IVF worked for us the first time, lit up with joy. She hopes for the same thing for her and her husband. I hope and pray that for them also!
I answer, of course, by saying I am a twin. Which automatically makes them think that we're having twins because there are twins in the family...
Which isn't the case...
I feel prompted to tell them we did fertility treatments and that's the reason for this double adventure!
Sharing just a part of our story, in the 2 minutes or less I have with them, is so powerful...
I often here people in response tell us they did the same thing...some sort of fertility treatments...
Or they are parents because of the gift of adoption...
Or their daughter, niece or sister did treatments...
Or they themselves are struggling with infertility and what treatment did we do and where.
A silent journey, pain filled, but so meant to be shared, at least for us. So many doors opened. This is part of our story. And I pray that God is writing ours in this way so we can share hope with others.
One girl, and I was sharing that IVF worked for us the first time, lit up with joy. She hopes for the same thing for her and her husband. I hope and pray that for them also!
Nursery
Whimsical, peaceful, relaxing, calm...
Those are all words rolling around in my head when I think about the nursery for our babies.
I sort of have a vision in my head, but I am struggling with trying to figure out how to make it a reality.
Paint colors, motifs, furniture colors, etc., etc.!
So overwhelming. So very overwhelming.
First I thought about doing Classic Pooh for a theme, then a random Ikea theme, then wait til we know gender and pick a theme...
But then Joel and I thought about what brings us peace, relaxation, calm...
And it came to us...
The Ocean, the Oregon Coast!
Um, how the heck do we make that a nursery? No idea! I want starfish and maybe even a light gray wall with white polka dots...but I have no idea how that goes together!
I took a picture of wrapping paper at Hallmark yesterday because I wanted to see it become a wall. I've been googling beach themes for nursery. I have a couple pictures.
It always comes back to a wall hanging...do I need one? What should it look like?
I'm assuming that if you're reading this Mom and Aunt Cindy that your wheels are turning for me! Help please! Anyone else have any ideas? We picked the room and the wall color...we're thinking of somehow making an eclectic swatch with all these random ideas...but it stops there!
Oh and maybe the room can have a Pooh's corner reading nook? Yea, like we'll really have room for that!
Those are all words rolling around in my head when I think about the nursery for our babies.
I sort of have a vision in my head, but I am struggling with trying to figure out how to make it a reality.
Paint colors, motifs, furniture colors, etc., etc.!
So overwhelming. So very overwhelming.
First I thought about doing Classic Pooh for a theme, then a random Ikea theme, then wait til we know gender and pick a theme...
But then Joel and I thought about what brings us peace, relaxation, calm...
And it came to us...
The Ocean, the Oregon Coast!
Um, how the heck do we make that a nursery? No idea! I want starfish and maybe even a light gray wall with white polka dots...but I have no idea how that goes together!
I took a picture of wrapping paper at Hallmark yesterday because I wanted to see it become a wall. I've been googling beach themes for nursery. I have a couple pictures.
It always comes back to a wall hanging...do I need one? What should it look like?
I'm assuming that if you're reading this Mom and Aunt Cindy that your wheels are turning for me! Help please! Anyone else have any ideas? We picked the room and the wall color...we're thinking of somehow making an eclectic swatch with all these random ideas...but it stops there!
Oh and maybe the room can have a Pooh's corner reading nook? Yea, like we'll really have room for that!
"We're having twins"
I heard these words come from Joel several times at the Montana Synod Assembly last weekend in Billings.
Every time it filled my heart with joy.
When we told Pastor John Allen, Assistant to the Bishop, he smiled big, said congratulations and that he had heard that news from someone....
The Montana Synod grape vine!
It might be a big state, but news travels!
As we walked away he told me to take care of myself.
All weekend those words were ringing in my ears leaving me wondering, am I taking care of myself?
The assembly was so tiring and draining. So much sitting and listening. The food options were so difficult for me...the banquet, delicious unless you're pregnant with Twins and not feeling the best...the restaurants...well, when you're in a group trying to pick a place not everyone is going to listen to the pregnant lady! Nor should they have to. I made it, it just added to the tiring part.
As we told more people, love surrounded us. Love poured over us. Ellen, from Joel's cluster, came up to me to say how good I looked and how she prays for us and the babies constantly...I cried.
Linda was so encouraging.
And Bishop Crist was so kind and smiled really big when we told her our news! It's a Montana Synod baby boom she said...another classmate of Joel's and his wife are due in August, us in December, and 2 adoptions are in the works...
Babies abound!
It was a fun weekend of talking to people, meeting new ones, and putting faces to name for me.
The closing worship was awesome! And the host church, in their graciousness, offered us a to-go baggie of snacks to get us through to the closest drive-thru! For this girl that bag of snacks was a life saver! Worship went until 1:30, followed by a long wait on the bus and a ride back to the hotel...I was hungry and thankful.
Every time it filled my heart with joy.
When we told Pastor John Allen, Assistant to the Bishop, he smiled big, said congratulations and that he had heard that news from someone....
The Montana Synod grape vine!
It might be a big state, but news travels!
As we walked away he told me to take care of myself.
All weekend those words were ringing in my ears leaving me wondering, am I taking care of myself?
The assembly was so tiring and draining. So much sitting and listening. The food options were so difficult for me...the banquet, delicious unless you're pregnant with Twins and not feeling the best...the restaurants...well, when you're in a group trying to pick a place not everyone is going to listen to the pregnant lady! Nor should they have to. I made it, it just added to the tiring part.
As we told more people, love surrounded us. Love poured over us. Ellen, from Joel's cluster, came up to me to say how good I looked and how she prays for us and the babies constantly...I cried.
Linda was so encouraging.
And Bishop Crist was so kind and smiled really big when we told her our news! It's a Montana Synod baby boom she said...another classmate of Joel's and his wife are due in August, us in December, and 2 adoptions are in the works...
Babies abound!
It was a fun weekend of talking to people, meeting new ones, and putting faces to name for me.
The closing worship was awesome! And the host church, in their graciousness, offered us a to-go baggie of snacks to get us through to the closest drive-thru! For this girl that bag of snacks was a life saver! Worship went until 1:30, followed by a long wait on the bus and a ride back to the hotel...I was hungry and thankful.
Blogging
Today is catch up on blogging day...in case you hadn't noticed!
It's also a day for laundry, cleaning up clutter, watching missed episodes of cupcake champions, reading, making a giant list of everything that needs done, and relaxing day!
It's Joel's day in Havre. It's my day to wade through the mess I am swimming in and try to keep starches down.
The church council in Big Sandy has asked us what we need to get the house ready for babies...
That's part of my list making.
But to be honest...I have no idea what that means.
I know we need a lot of things. I know I want nursery walls painted and the windows replaced in what will become the nursery...they have had the new windows for over a year now, they just need to go in...
But what else? Any ideas? It's overwhelming.
When they asked me this question my only answer was painting. When they asked Joel at the council meeting his only answer was painting.
What needs done to a house?
I want some bookshelves rearranged and things cleared out of that room. I know we'll eventually need baby gates...
But I don't know what else.
So part of today is to make a giant list of what we need for babies, mainly the big items. And to include on that list "figure out what the house needs to get ready for babies".
I have all these blog posts built up in my head, so if I can remember them all, well, it will be a day full of blogging also!
It's also a day for laundry, cleaning up clutter, watching missed episodes of cupcake champions, reading, making a giant list of everything that needs done, and relaxing day!
It's Joel's day in Havre. It's my day to wade through the mess I am swimming in and try to keep starches down.
The church council in Big Sandy has asked us what we need to get the house ready for babies...
That's part of my list making.
But to be honest...I have no idea what that means.
I know we need a lot of things. I know I want nursery walls painted and the windows replaced in what will become the nursery...they have had the new windows for over a year now, they just need to go in...
But what else? Any ideas? It's overwhelming.
When they asked me this question my only answer was painting. When they asked Joel at the council meeting his only answer was painting.
What needs done to a house?
I want some bookshelves rearranged and things cleared out of that room. I know we'll eventually need baby gates...
But I don't know what else.
So part of today is to make a giant list of what we need for babies, mainly the big items. And to include on that list "figure out what the house needs to get ready for babies".
I have all these blog posts built up in my head, so if I can remember them all, well, it will be a day full of blogging also!
Double trouble
I've been having trouble with motion sickness since that day almost 2 weeks ago that I was really sick.
When we visited family and friends in Moses Lake and Spokane last week I got really car sick going over the mountains.
Yesterday, driving home from Great Falls I got really car sick again and that road is pretty much straight the whole way.
Dr. Key's nurse practitioner, Gretchen, who we saw yesterday told me this is normal...
I have double babies which means double hormones which can mean double tired, double sickness, double everything!
I love double!
I don't love double puking...although it is better when Joel, the rockstar, is by my side comforting me.
But I'll take the struggle. I really will. Even when it gets oh so hard. Even when I go from semi-normal food to Popsicles, ramen and crackers once again.
It's worth it. I know it is.
And when I feel frustrated about feeling miserable I almost feel guilty. I've waited so long for this, and I know so many people who desire this so deeply.
I just pray the babies continue to grow and that I can give them what they need!
Gretchen told me to keep taking the anti-nausea meds every 4-6 hours and when I run out to call, they will give me more. She told me to try crackers, canada dry ginger ale, and lemons...sniffing them, not sucking, unless I really want to...
Although last night, I took a sniff and small suck of a lemon, and less than 5 minutes later I was puking!
Oh well, I really do think ginger ale, popcicles, dry toast, ramen and crackers taste good, whew!
When we visited family and friends in Moses Lake and Spokane last week I got really car sick going over the mountains.
Yesterday, driving home from Great Falls I got really car sick again and that road is pretty much straight the whole way.
Dr. Key's nurse practitioner, Gretchen, who we saw yesterday told me this is normal...
I have double babies which means double hormones which can mean double tired, double sickness, double everything!
I love double!
I don't love double puking...although it is better when Joel, the rockstar, is by my side comforting me.
But I'll take the struggle. I really will. Even when it gets oh so hard. Even when I go from semi-normal food to Popsicles, ramen and crackers once again.
It's worth it. I know it is.
And when I feel frustrated about feeling miserable I almost feel guilty. I've waited so long for this, and I know so many people who desire this so deeply.
I just pray the babies continue to grow and that I can give them what they need!
Gretchen told me to keep taking the anti-nausea meds every 4-6 hours and when I run out to call, they will give me more. She told me to try crackers, canada dry ginger ale, and lemons...sniffing them, not sucking, unless I really want to...
Although last night, I took a sniff and small suck of a lemon, and less than 5 minutes later I was puking!
Oh well, I really do think ginger ale, popcicles, dry toast, ramen and crackers taste good, whew!
From peanuts to aliens...
Yesterday was our 12 week, 4 day ultra sound and appointment!
It was so nerve wracking! I have to make myself breath the few seconds before the ultra sound machine is turned on...
At first glimpse they just looked like they were laying there, as still as could be.
Fear filled me.
But then the ultra sound tech pointed out Baby A's heartbeat and I smiled! Then I saw Baby B raise his/her hand to us and I laughed!
The last ultra sound we had they both pretty much looked like little peanuts.
This time I thought they were adorable! Joel thought they looked like aliens, adorable aliens of course!
Baby B had his/her feet straight up in the air, sort of like he/she was kicking!
I think we have a future NFL kicker on our hands! And an Olympic gold medalist in Women's Gymnastics!
Ha!
Kidding! These kids are already looking amazing (doesn't every new parent say that?!)...and whatever talents they have or don't have...well, they are a true blessing and we love them just the way they are!
They are overachievers though...both measured at 13 weeks, 3 days ahead of schedule. Well, actually I think Baby B was 13 weeks and 4 days. This "ahead of schedule" thing is just fine. They are measuring within the range they should.
To top it off, Mommy had a perfect blood pressure reading, heart rate and lungs sounded great...medical history questions all answered positive where should be positive and negative where should be negative!
It was overall a great appointment! Next up is another ultra sound and check on July 2nd. I can't wait!
It was so nerve wracking! I have to make myself breath the few seconds before the ultra sound machine is turned on...
At first glimpse they just looked like they were laying there, as still as could be.
Fear filled me.
But then the ultra sound tech pointed out Baby A's heartbeat and I smiled! Then I saw Baby B raise his/her hand to us and I laughed!
The last ultra sound we had they both pretty much looked like little peanuts.
This time I thought they were adorable! Joel thought they looked like aliens, adorable aliens of course!
Baby B had his/her feet straight up in the air, sort of like he/she was kicking!
I think we have a future NFL kicker on our hands! And an Olympic gold medalist in Women's Gymnastics!
Ha!
Kidding! These kids are already looking amazing (doesn't every new parent say that?!)...and whatever talents they have or don't have...well, they are a true blessing and we love them just the way they are!
They are overachievers though...both measured at 13 weeks, 3 days ahead of schedule. Well, actually I think Baby B was 13 weeks and 4 days. This "ahead of schedule" thing is just fine. They are measuring within the range they should.
To top it off, Mommy had a perfect blood pressure reading, heart rate and lungs sounded great...medical history questions all answered positive where should be positive and negative where should be negative!
It was overall a great appointment! Next up is another ultra sound and check on July 2nd. I can't wait!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Sick day
Yesterday was a sick day for me. Thankfully I didn't have to work.
I went from being slightly sick for 2 days in a row, a day of being fine to having to call my doctor...
It was awful. I couldn't hold anything down, not even water. I was in tears and scared and slightly stressed. It's not always the easiest having such problems an hour away from your doctor.
But the nurse, the same one who adores Phillip Phillips, helped me out.
She called in an anti-nausea prescription. First she wanted to send it to Big Sandy Pharmacy so I could get it right away, but they closed at 5pm and it was 4:45pm. Then she wanted to send it to Fort Benton but I didn't want to go there... (she called both pharmacies for me to find out closing times, she was awesome)...
Thankfully Joel was in Havre so she sent it there and he was able to pick it up!
She also gave me a list:
Salt and vinegar chips
Old fashion popcicles
Powerade mixed with sprint
Real ginger ale
I was sure we wouldn't be able to find the real ginger ale because we had looked at Walmart in Havre a couple of days before and they didn't have it.
But IGA did! And Joel was willing to go on the hunt.
He had council so he didn't arrive with the meds until 9pm, but I just laid on the couch, entertained by Idol, of course, and sipped, every half an hour, some pretty awful tasting homemade ginger tea!
It got me through til he arrived.
Then the meds kicked in and I ate 1 popcicle and 2 potato chips. I held it all down through the night.
I can now, 24 hours later, eat mashed potatoes and can slowly add new starches to my diet til I am full force again.
What a wild ride!
I went from being slightly sick for 2 days in a row, a day of being fine to having to call my doctor...
It was awful. I couldn't hold anything down, not even water. I was in tears and scared and slightly stressed. It's not always the easiest having such problems an hour away from your doctor.
But the nurse, the same one who adores Phillip Phillips, helped me out.
She called in an anti-nausea prescription. First she wanted to send it to Big Sandy Pharmacy so I could get it right away, but they closed at 5pm and it was 4:45pm. Then she wanted to send it to Fort Benton but I didn't want to go there... (she called both pharmacies for me to find out closing times, she was awesome)...
Thankfully Joel was in Havre so she sent it there and he was able to pick it up!
She also gave me a list:
Salt and vinegar chips
Old fashion popcicles
Powerade mixed with sprint
Real ginger ale
I was sure we wouldn't be able to find the real ginger ale because we had looked at Walmart in Havre a couple of days before and they didn't have it.
But IGA did! And Joel was willing to go on the hunt.
He had council so he didn't arrive with the meds until 9pm, but I just laid on the couch, entertained by Idol, of course, and sipped, every half an hour, some pretty awful tasting homemade ginger tea!
It got me through til he arrived.
Then the meds kicked in and I ate 1 popcicle and 2 potato chips. I held it all down through the night.
I can now, 24 hours later, eat mashed potatoes and can slowly add new starches to my diet til I am full force again.
What a wild ride!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
The end of months of shots...
Last Thursday, almost a week ago, at 9pm we did the last progesterone shot.
What a relief.
But how weird!
We've been doing shots since early March.
It feels like we're forgetting something, still, every night.
We still hear ourselves saying, "we gotta do the shot...oh wait...".
The alarm on my cell phone still goes off every night at 9pm. Why? I'm not sure...I haven't stopped it. I think it's because it's part of the IVF memories, it's part of the IVF miracles.
The day of the last shot was the 10 week mark in this pregnancy. The doctor explained that we do progesterone until then because the ovaries are what's producing the hormone for the first 10 weeks and my body needed that amount supplemented. At 10 weeks, the placenta, or some part, starts producing it's own progesterone so we no longer need to supplement.
That explanation made me breathe a sigh of relief.
I was worried about stopping the shots. But after hearing that I knew it was just fine.
Tomorrow I'm 11 weeks! Countdown to 2nd trimester is in full force!
Sunday the getting sick started...blah...it's only happened twice and even though I was bummed my 10 week not being sick streak ended...
I daily remind myself how much I've longed for this, throw-up and all! It's so worth it. Our miracles are growing!
What a relief.
But how weird!
We've been doing shots since early March.
It feels like we're forgetting something, still, every night.
We still hear ourselves saying, "we gotta do the shot...oh wait...".
The alarm on my cell phone still goes off every night at 9pm. Why? I'm not sure...I haven't stopped it. I think it's because it's part of the IVF memories, it's part of the IVF miracles.
The day of the last shot was the 10 week mark in this pregnancy. The doctor explained that we do progesterone until then because the ovaries are what's producing the hormone for the first 10 weeks and my body needed that amount supplemented. At 10 weeks, the placenta, or some part, starts producing it's own progesterone so we no longer need to supplement.
That explanation made me breathe a sigh of relief.
I was worried about stopping the shots. But after hearing that I knew it was just fine.
Tomorrow I'm 11 weeks! Countdown to 2nd trimester is in full force!
Sunday the getting sick started...blah...it's only happened twice and even though I was bummed my 10 week not being sick streak ended...
I daily remind myself how much I've longed for this, throw-up and all! It's so worth it. Our miracles are growing!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
David Cook & Phillip Phillips
I love American Idol.
Today I had to call my new nurse. I've actually never met her before, but she is one of two of Dr. Key's nurses.
We connected over Idol!
It's as if I needed something to reassure me about this new place and she gave it to me!
Her name is Ronnie. Last week, she told me, I met Gretchen. Ronnie has seen my picture and my ultra sound.
She said congratulations!
Then she helped me.
Let me explain. I've been having pain the past couple of days in my lower uterus. Just off and on, but it worried me. I had no idea if it was my ovaries still recovering or something else.
I was scared. Scared enough to call the new place. And that's pretty scared. It takes a lot of courage for me to pick up the phone and use it. I usually have to really talk myself into it first. Today I almost put it off til tomorrow.
I left a message and Ronnie called right back. She explained that my uterus it growing and stretching a lot right now, and heading right for my stomach so that's why I am having pain.
She put me on pelvic rest. "Be a couch potato and watch American Idol," she said!
"I love Phil Phillips so I'll be watching", I said! She went ecstatic on me! I told her I voted last night. So did she, for the first time this season! Then she told me about her love for David Cook, which I share.
We bonded. She said she couldn't wait to meet me and that we are going to get along great!
Get your phones ready people, if Phil Phillps makes it to the finale, we gotta vote!
Today I had to call my new nurse. I've actually never met her before, but she is one of two of Dr. Key's nurses.
We connected over Idol!
It's as if I needed something to reassure me about this new place and she gave it to me!
Her name is Ronnie. Last week, she told me, I met Gretchen. Ronnie has seen my picture and my ultra sound.
She said congratulations!
Then she helped me.
Let me explain. I've been having pain the past couple of days in my lower uterus. Just off and on, but it worried me. I had no idea if it was my ovaries still recovering or something else.
I was scared. Scared enough to call the new place. And that's pretty scared. It takes a lot of courage for me to pick up the phone and use it. I usually have to really talk myself into it first. Today I almost put it off til tomorrow.
I left a message and Ronnie called right back. She explained that my uterus it growing and stretching a lot right now, and heading right for my stomach so that's why I am having pain.
She put me on pelvic rest. "Be a couch potato and watch American Idol," she said!
"I love Phil Phillips so I'll be watching", I said! She went ecstatic on me! I told her I voted last night. So did she, for the first time this season! Then she told me about her love for David Cook, which I share.
We bonded. She said she couldn't wait to meet me and that we are going to get along great!
Get your phones ready people, if Phil Phillps makes it to the finale, we gotta vote!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
T.V.
T.V. has changed at our house since this pregnancy began.
Tears fall a lot more often.
Just last week we were watching the season finale to Parks and Recreation. At the end...this is a spoiler alert...when Ann went in to tell Ben and Leslie that Leslie had won the city council race, and both her and Leslie were crying...I was crying to.
Then when Leslie said to Ben that she wanted to someday read the concession speech he had written just in case it was needed, his response was "I didn't write it"...I cried then to, Joel even had a tear in his eye.
Last night at the end of part one of the How I Met Your Mother season finale Joel and I were both crying. A baby was born. A baby named Marvin Wait For It Erickson!
We cry at reality shows, sitcoms, dramas! We laugh too! So intense.
We joke about Joel having pregnancy symptoms also...T.V. tears, cravings! It's pretty fun.
Tears fall a lot more often.
Just last week we were watching the season finale to Parks and Recreation. At the end...this is a spoiler alert...when Ann went in to tell Ben and Leslie that Leslie had won the city council race, and both her and Leslie were crying...I was crying to.
Then when Leslie said to Ben that she wanted to someday read the concession speech he had written just in case it was needed, his response was "I didn't write it"...I cried then to, Joel even had a tear in his eye.
Last night at the end of part one of the How I Met Your Mother season finale Joel and I were both crying. A baby was born. A baby named Marvin Wait For It Erickson!
We cry at reality shows, sitcoms, dramas! We laugh too! So intense.
We joke about Joel having pregnancy symptoms also...T.V. tears, cravings! It's pretty fun.
Meeting the new place
We arrived 30 minutes early, circled back around to use the restrooms at Starbucks, and entered the new Dr.'s office at 2:15pm.
My first impression was...eh.
There were people everywhere and it was a rather large waiting room.
I was overwhelmed.
But then the receptionist called me Hun...
Deep breath...I started to relax.
We checked in and found a seat. Then we moved seats. We were sort of hidden in the first seats and I didn't like that.
There were doors everywhere that people were getting called by nurses from. I wondered what door would be ours.
People young and old filled the seats. The place was a buzz.
It was not Bozeman OB/GYN.
I couldn't even concentrate on a magazine (well, like I ever can at these appts)... there was lots of people watching and wondering going on. I wondered what their stories were...I wondered what our appointment would bring.
Then from the door behind us my name was called, by a lady I cannot remember the name of, followed by a "how are you hun?" More relaxing. We were ushered into this giant posh room!
I was told to lay down on the table. Joel and I looked at each other with confusion on our faces. I thought I would need to partially undress...I thought the lady had lost her mind!
She told me to lay down again. I was hesitant. And did I mention confused?! Then she clarified, I was having a stomach ultra sound...I'd never had one of those before.
Sorry that might be TMI!
She was shocked to see twins! I asked her before she even said anything if she knew there were 2 and she said, "well, I do now"!
Both babies looked great! First up...look for both heart beats...passed! Second measure sizes...baby A was 9 weeks, baby B 8 weeks 6 days...a size difference that was quite normal and nothing to be worried about. Then we heard both heart beats again.
She took lots of pictures. Then went to get our new doctor.
The day before we had seen a picture of him online and our reaction was...uhhh, uhhh...
Well, don't judge a book by it's cover!
He was so kind to us. He explained every detail about the ultra sound. Asked us questions about our journey then gave us a lot of time to ask all of our questions. And I had a lot of them.
It might not have been Dr. Shomento and Julia...but it was a very nice team of people who we know are going to take great care of us and our babies.
Next ultra sound...June 4th!
Dr. Key said we'd celebrate the end of the first trimester then! Yahoo!
My first impression was...eh.
There were people everywhere and it was a rather large waiting room.
I was overwhelmed.
But then the receptionist called me Hun...
Deep breath...I started to relax.
We checked in and found a seat. Then we moved seats. We were sort of hidden in the first seats and I didn't like that.
There were doors everywhere that people were getting called by nurses from. I wondered what door would be ours.
People young and old filled the seats. The place was a buzz.
It was not Bozeman OB/GYN.
I couldn't even concentrate on a magazine (well, like I ever can at these appts)... there was lots of people watching and wondering going on. I wondered what their stories were...I wondered what our appointment would bring.
Then from the door behind us my name was called, by a lady I cannot remember the name of, followed by a "how are you hun?" More relaxing. We were ushered into this giant posh room!
I was told to lay down on the table. Joel and I looked at each other with confusion on our faces. I thought I would need to partially undress...I thought the lady had lost her mind!
She told me to lay down again. I was hesitant. And did I mention confused?! Then she clarified, I was having a stomach ultra sound...I'd never had one of those before.
Sorry that might be TMI!
She was shocked to see twins! I asked her before she even said anything if she knew there were 2 and she said, "well, I do now"!
Both babies looked great! First up...look for both heart beats...passed! Second measure sizes...baby A was 9 weeks, baby B 8 weeks 6 days...a size difference that was quite normal and nothing to be worried about. Then we heard both heart beats again.
She took lots of pictures. Then went to get our new doctor.
The day before we had seen a picture of him online and our reaction was...uhhh, uhhh...
Well, don't judge a book by it's cover!
He was so kind to us. He explained every detail about the ultra sound. Asked us questions about our journey then gave us a lot of time to ask all of our questions. And I had a lot of them.
It might not have been Dr. Shomento and Julia...but it was a very nice team of people who we know are going to take great care of us and our babies.
Next ultra sound...June 4th!
Dr. Key said we'd celebrate the end of the first trimester then! Yahoo!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Church flowers
Yesterday at church there were flowers for Mother's Day.
Joel was told to announce that the Mother's could all pick up a flower on their way out, or 2.
The person who told him this looked at me and wished me a Happy Mother's Day to be.
Then the person said that they thought being pregnant warranted me celebrating Mother's Day so it would be alright if I went ahead and got a flower at the end.
I said a simple ok.
But then I was distracted during parts of the service. My eyes were tear filled. My heart was sad.
What about the women who want to be moms but haven't been able to yet? Can't they have a flower? What about the moms who have lost a child, can't they have a flower? What about ladies who long for marriage and motherhood, but it hasn't happened yet, can't they have a flower?
I found myself sort of getting mad. I know the person meant no harm with their words. I know they meant only joy.
But I formed this strong opinion in the midst of it all...as women, we all nurture and care...it's in our genes. And I think regardless of whether or not we have children, are carrying children with our eyes on due dates, or dream of one day having children...we all deserve flowers!
Pastor Joel said Happy Mother's Day to all moms, grandmas, aunts, friends, all those who care for any and all children...
I liked that.
Joel was told to announce that the Mother's could all pick up a flower on their way out, or 2.
The person who told him this looked at me and wished me a Happy Mother's Day to be.
Then the person said that they thought being pregnant warranted me celebrating Mother's Day so it would be alright if I went ahead and got a flower at the end.
I said a simple ok.
But then I was distracted during parts of the service. My eyes were tear filled. My heart was sad.
What about the women who want to be moms but haven't been able to yet? Can't they have a flower? What about the moms who have lost a child, can't they have a flower? What about ladies who long for marriage and motherhood, but it hasn't happened yet, can't they have a flower?
I found myself sort of getting mad. I know the person meant no harm with their words. I know they meant only joy.
But I formed this strong opinion in the midst of it all...as women, we all nurture and care...it's in our genes. And I think regardless of whether or not we have children, are carrying children with our eyes on due dates, or dream of one day having children...we all deserve flowers!
Pastor Joel said Happy Mother's Day to all moms, grandmas, aunts, friends, all those who care for any and all children...
I liked that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
